


The Craig Mechanism

by goodplay



Category: South Park
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, body switching, idk how to tag, this story kind of makes no sense but hope yall enjoy this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-01-16 00:38:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 51,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12332007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodplay/pseuds/goodplay
Summary: AU. It all started when Craig woke up one Monday morning, and somehow Stan and Kyle switched bodies. Hopefully there is some logical explanation behind this, and it better not be related to Taco Bell- wait a minute. HIATUS.





	1. Craig is hungry

**Author's Note:**

> this is... something i wrote when i was very hungry and tired and also the first south park fic i've written. none of this will make ANY sense, i warn you. i mean there is somewhat of a plot but trust me when i say, i have no idea what i'm doing. i don't even know why i made the title "The Craig Mechanism" it just felt right.  
> also just a heads up craig's dad says (1) homophobic thing this chapter (his views will change over the course of the story jsyk)

It was a calm morning for the Tucker family, the sound of spoons and forks clattering against the china plates filled the room. They were currently eating breakfast; it was a rare occasion for them to all be seated together like this for breakfast, usually they only sat down together for dinner, and Craig was beginning to feel awkward. This of course, didn't show. Craig usually avoided showing much emotions on his face, most feelings he preferred to keep inside.

"That Kyle Broflovski boy, is he a friend of yours...?" Craig's dad, Thomas asked, as he was flipping through the newspaper.

"No." Craig replied, tossing his green beans around with his fork. "I mean, not really."

"Just wondering. I heard that he and that Stan Marsh kid are kinda funny. Don't want you hanging around any of those-"

"Thomas!" Laura, Craig's mom interjected a displeased look on her face. "Don't say things like that. There's nothing wrong with those two boys being in love."

Craig's father didn't seem happy by her comment and the two started to get into an argument, Craig got up from his seat and put his dish in the sink, but not before sliding a few green beans in his pocket. He didn't eat much, but he wasn't that hungry anyway.

He started to head towards his room up stairs, and as he did he noticed his sister was on the couch watching the news. It didn't appear to be anything interesting, so Craig continued his way upstairs to get ready for school.

Craig was a sophomore in high school, but his sister was in 7th grade, and high school started an hour earlier than middle school for some stupid reason. He checked his alarm clock by his bed, and he had about thirty minutes left to walk towards school, having been already dressed. He opened Stripe's cage, and fed some green beans to Stripe, and petted him. Stripe twitched his nose, and a small smile crept up on Craig's face.

He placed the guinea pig back into his cage, and put on his backpack and quickly headed downstairs. He didn't say a word as he headed out the door, but his sister gave a nonchalant "bye," as he walked out the door.

He began walking to Tweek's house, who's house was actually in the direction towards school. South Park wasn't a huge town so it didn't take long for Craig to end up outside of his friend's house. Craig pulled out his phone, and began to text Tweek.

_i'm outside your house_

He clicked 'send', and waited for Tweek's response, looking up at the window where Tweek's room was and he heard a faint scream. The window opened, and Tweek's head popped out, "Jesus Christ man, don't scare me like that!" and before Craig can respond, Tweek shuts his window in a hurry, and is marching downstairs and joins Craig outside, but then lets out a scream.

"Hold on! I left my coffee cup in the house!" Tweek says, and dashed inside, and Craig takes a seat on Tweek's porch. He scrolls through his feed for a second, until Tweek comes back.

"Oh, you got a new cup...?" Craig notices, and Tweek nods. The two continued to talk as they started walking towards school. It wouldn't be long before they arrived, as it wasn't relatively far.

"Yeah yeah, my mom got this bottle for me. It's stainless steel and spill proof." Tweek showed Craig, and Tweek pointed at the logo on the cup that said 'Tweek Bros. Coffee', "We got a whole shipment of them and we're selling them at the shop. You're still coming after school, right?"

Craig nodded, "yeah dude, totally." Tweek smiled at this.

Craig switched the subject, "so did you get any sleep last night?" Craig asked, knowing Tweek wasn't one to usually get sleep, but still he asked because he did care. Tweek was his closest friend, and he would be lying if he said he didn't care.

"Oh, um. No." Tweek rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I mean I tried, but I just couldn't!"

Craig raised an eyebrow. "Maybe take some sleeping medicine bro. Though it's probably cause you drink so much coffee."

"Grargh! That's - that's not it. I've slept before. I just stayed up all night, thinking!" Tweek stated, and Craig knew this somewhat because Tweek did mention that he couldn't sleep because he couldn't stop thinking offhandedly before.

"What are you even thinking about?" Craig questioned, as they stood in front of school.

"Agh! It doesn't matter! Bye Craig, I gotta get to class see you at lunch." Tweek dashed off to his first period, Geometry. Craig had been unlucky not to have any classes with Tweek. But of course he had first period with Clyde. Okay, so he didn't hate Clyde, in fact, he'd go as far to say that Clyde was one of his best friends (but nowhere near Tweek). But he could be a bit emotional and also kind of annoying. Not an ideal person to have sit next to you in first thing in the morning.

Craig walked to his first period Art class, and as he walked inside and took his seat the bell rung. Clyde was already there and was having a conversation with Bebe, who were boyfriend and girlfriend. In Art they sat in groups of four, and Craig's group consisted of himself, Clyde, Bebe and Wendy; the latter didn't show up today. Bebe and Clyde argued a lot, but they were pretty much perfect for each other.

"Shane Dawson, isn't he that guy that sang that one song? About the stitches?" Clyde asked, and Bebe groaned.

"No, Clyde. That was Shawn Mendes." Bebe rolled her eyes and Clyde turned his head as Craig sat down.

"Craig! What's up. What's going on." Clyde greeted, and Craig couldn't help but think that it was too early for this.

"Not much." Craig said, and Clyde raised a brow, he never seemed to catch on that Craig was not a morning person. Or a people's person in general.

"So did you hear about Stan and Kyle? I'm happy for them." Bebe began, and before either of the two could comment, the teacher started to speak.

"Alright students, bring out your still life drawings from yesterday! I've left the plants at your tables, feel free to continue working on them." The Art teacher, Mrs. Zimmerman spoke, and the students did as instructed, pulling their art projects out of their folders.

"Oh yeah I heard about that." Clyde said, and for some reason he kept looking at Craig, as he was talking. "I mean, to be honest I kind of saw it coming. I support them."

"Why were you staring at me as you said that?" Craig raised a brow, and Clyde was getting all defensive.

"Can't I stare at one of my best friends? Jeez!" Clyde said in a jokingly defensive manner, and he turned to look at his girlfriend.

"I know what you mean, babe. I kind of always figured Kyle had a thing for Stan. I mean I thought they were a couple before they were a couple, y'know?" Bebe continued, and Clyde nodded.

"I know exactly what you mean." Clyde responded as he stared lovingly at Bebe, placing his hand on hers. Then after a while, they all started to work on their still life projects. Craig was kind of bad at art, he kept thinking how much Tweek was good at it. If Tweek was here, he probably could show him all sorts of techniques... Not that the teacher didn't teach him, but it would be easier to pay attention if Tweek was teaching it. Right? After a while, Craig started to notice Clyde was starting to intensely gaze at him, almost as if he trying to figure Craig out, and Craig was starting to get pissed off. He had no idea why, but he just was. Craig got up from his seat, and went up to the teacher's desk.

"Mrs. Zimmerman, can I go to the bathroom?" Craig asked, and she nodded.

"Sure! Just take the pass with you, and you're free to go." She said, and with that Craig took the pass and he was out the class. He started making his way towards the bathroom, he didn't actually need to go at all but decided to wash his hands and just stand there for a while. Maybe text Tweek or something. He walked into the bathroom, and he heard a conversation happening in one of the big stalls.

"How could this have happened? I'm just so... so confused by all this." It was Kyle's voice. He sounded exasperated.

"I don't know dude! I'm as lost as you are. I just hope whoever said they could help us comes soon-" Stan spoke, but then Craig heard him physically jump. It was probably because Craig grew tired of their conversation and decided to wash his hands. Maybe he could skip class after this; Carl's Jr. was close to school but it wasn't too close either so he wouldn't get caught or anything (not that troublemaker, bad boy, Craig Tucker ever worried about getting caught), and he kind of wanted to try their new $5 lunch meal.

Suddenly, Stan and Kyle both burst out of the stall, it was so loud that even Craig was phased. Yes, even troublemaker, bad boy, stoic and emotionless Craig Tucker. He quickly morphed into his normally emotionless state.

"So, you're here to help us?" Stan asked, and Craig just stared at him blankly.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Craig stated, and began walking towards the hand dryer, to dry his hands of course.

"You sent us this text message, see look!" Kyle brought out Stan's phone from his coat pocket, Craig didn't know why he had Stan's phone but he wasn't going to question it, and he showed Craig a text message that was sent from an unknown number.

_Meet me at the 1F boy's bathroom, the one closest to the elevator. i can help u._

Craig rolled his eyes. "That's not me, but if you want people to not think you're gay I suggest not sharing a stall together." Craig said plainly.

"What no dude, it has to be you and- wait a second. People think Kyle and I are gay?" Kyle asked, and Craig raised a brow.

Stan let out a solemn laugh. "No way dude, you're dating Wendy. Besides, we're just friends!"

"Super best friends." Kyle corrected, and Stan nodded. "Right. Super best friends." The two super best friends stared at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time, before Craig interrupted them.

"Well I don't know why you guys are acting so weird, but I'm out of here." Craig said, turning around, even though he had so many questions. He didn't want to really know the answer though, why Kyle was referring to himself in third person and why he was all the sudden dating Wendy. He didn't mind that they were gay, as he had began to question if he himself was gay. But like most things he didn't want to think about, he was just going to toss the thought to the side and not worry about it.

Before Craig could leave, Stan grabbed onto Craig's jacket sleeve, preventing him from leaving.

"Uh, dude what are you doing?" Kyle asked, and Stan shushed him.

"He knows too much right? So we gotta keep him here. What if he tells people about what he saw?" Stan pointed out, and Kyle nodded as if he was genius.

"Nice thinking, dude."

At this moment, Craig was pissed off. "I'm not exactly sure what I know too much of!" Craig said angrily, and even though he was much taller than the two boys, Stan had much more muscle, as he played sports (he was actually the star of the football team). Craig probably could've been a sports prodigy if he was actually passionate about sports, but he mostly just cared about his circle of friends, his guinea pig, and video games. Oh yeah, and his little sister Tricia too, though he was bad at showing it.

Before anyone could say or do anything else, Stan dragged Craig to the largest stall in the bathroom as Kyle followed. This was just great, fantastic. Craig was actually starting to get hungry, not eating breakfast was finally starting to creep up on him. Oh how he longed for Carl's Jr. new $5 All Star Value Meal, his mouth watered just thinking about those glorious boxes. He wasn't sure what he'd order, would he order the Charbroiled Double Cheeseburger & Spicy Chicken Sandwich meal, or the Hand-Breaded Chicken Tenders?

Craig shook his head, though his face remained as blank as ever. "Look, can you at least tell me what the hell is going on?" He now bore an angry expression. The only feeling he really showed, other than apathy, which didn't really count.

Stan looked at Kyle, who looked at Stan. "Well, you see we honestly don't know how it happened. But to sum it all up, we both switched bodies." Stan, who was Kyle, spoke. Now Craig felt two things at this moment: anger, and confusion. He hasn't felt this confused since his last sleepover with Tweek. Besides, that was a different confusion.

"What." Craig groaned, and you could hear a faint disbelief.

"Yeah, that's what we're wondering! So we thought you might be able to help us, since you sent this text that said-" Kyle, who was Stan began, but he got interrupted when his (Stan's) phone started vibrating. His hands shook as he brought the phone out of his pocket.

_Whoopsie, did I type 1F? I meant 2F, butterfingers._

The three boys just looked at each other in disbelief.

"I don't know why you guys got so hung up it was me anyways, anyone could've walked in here needing to take a piss." Craig was so done.

Craig couldn't believe how unlucky he was, to be caught in the middle of this predicament. He'd rather be talking to Clyde, who's lately been bugging Craig more than usual. But no. He had to be here, rather than in Art Class, or even better yet Carl's Jr. Yet somehow, he was here, in the first floor boy's bathroom that was closest to the elevator, and somehow, Craig had a feeling where he'd be going next.

"Hey, you guys don't wanna miss too much class, right guys?" Craig asked hopefully, and Kyle, who was... Okay, it was Stan. In Kyle's body. That's what was going on, right? So Stan rolled his eyes.

"That's rich coming from you, Craig. You've missed more classes than Kyle and I combined. Let's go!" Stan exclaimed, and Kyle dashed on after then. Craig sighed, feeling he didn't have a choice. He just hoped this didn't last all day, and that he'd at least get to see his friends during lunch.

"Alright, second floor here we go!" Kyle grinned as he pressed the button to get to the second floor.

"This is so stupid." Craig complained, and it was. At least it was to him, and that's all that mattered.

"Yeah, whatever Craig." Stan replied. The two super best friends didn't seem to mind that Craig did not give a single fuck about what was going on. Suddenly, a phone vibrated and this time it was Craig. Stan and Kyle jumped, but Craig showed off his phone and pointed at it, signaling that it was him.

_Hey Craig sorry if i said something back there tht offended U. thats the last thing i want 2 do. ure 1 of my closest friends Craig nd i just wnt u 2 kno that im here 4 u no matter wat_

Craig went into a coughing fit after reading his text. Stan and Kyle just stared at Craig with mild concern. Damn it! Clyde knew Craig was allergic to talking about feelings. Okay, that was just a joke. But he did hate talking about his feelings, and this was all coming as a surprise to Craig. He had no idea why Clyde was talking to him like this. Should he be worried, and just shake it off as Clyde acting like the dweeb he is?

"Dude, are you OK?" Stan asked, and Craig raised a brow.

"Uh yeah, I'm fine." Craig shrugged. "Allergies, and stuff." Craig added, though it was pretty obvious that he was shocked about what was just sent to him, he didn't know what to say.

_i have no idea what you're talking about... but thanks i guess_

Honestly, those words were beginning to feel like some sort of catchphrase for Craig at this point. He felt weird thanking Clyde, but he thought if he just sent the first part Clyde would cry or whatever. He clicked 'send', and as he did the elevator finally stopped. They were here, on the Second floor. Craig began to wonder for what seemed like the millionth time why he was here. He could just... leave. Right now. He'd know exactly what he'd do. He'd barge into Tweek's Geometry class, and carry him out there, and the two would have a nice meal at Carl's Jr. Heck, why not make it a party of three? He was pretty sure that Jimmy was in the same class as Tweek, so why not invite him? Heck, he should also invite Token. His class was right across from Tweek's, and Token's an awesome dude so he has nothing to lose.

God, he was so hungry. He just hasn't been able to think straight lately. Not since Carl's Jr. released their new $5 All Star meal. That, and...

"Craig what the hell are you doing? Why are you just standing there? We don't have time for this!" Kyle said, dragging him out of the elevator. Since the bathroom they were going to was relatively close to the elevator, it didn't take long to get there.

When they all got into the bathroom, Stan gasped, Kyle groaned, and Craig's eyes widened.

"Oh my god." Kyle said, as he stared at the only person in the bathroom.

"Is that?" Stan asked, as if trying to remember something. They couldn't believe it. It's almost been a year.


	2. Craig Is Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally find out who the heck was in the bathroom. Also everyone still thinks Stan and Kyle are gay. Craig is doing a lot of thinking. Clyde is weird (still).

"Yes, it is I, Professor Chaos! Here to help!" It was Butters, and for some reason he was dressed in his old Professor Chaos costume. Craig didn't know how to feel about this, to be completely honest. The last time the guys played superheros was freshman year, and they stopped because some junior made fun of them. Yup. That's the full story. That's why the stopped playing superheros. Little did that junior know he ended an era. Sometimes, Craig wonders if they weren't made fun of if they'd ever continue. He knew they would've stopped anyways. Too many people got hurt... But he wasn't going to lie, it  _was_  kind of fun.

"Butters, what are you doing?" Stan asked, and Kyle nodded.

"Yeah we haven't... we haven't played super heroes since ninth grade." Kyle pointed out.

Butters, or rather, Professor Chaos rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Well gee, I kind of figured..." He stopped and they were all silent for a moment.

"Look, something happened last year, and it's all because of, you know..." Professor Chaos explained, and the boys all looked at each other. They all had a bad feeling about what he was talking about. They weren't sure, but they had an  _idea._

Stan scratched the top of his head, seemed annoyed by Kyle's hat but kept it on. "I mean, I guess we could play along. Fuck, this means I'm human kite now, right?"

Kyle crossed his arms. "I don't know how I feel about putting tools all over myself."

Craig shrugged, "I mean it's whatever, you guys."

"Shh," Professor chaos shushed them. "Follow me, into my makeshift lair." He said, and oh god fucking damn it. Seriously? The boys headed towards the giant stall in the bathroom. Stan, Kyle, and Craig followed Professor Chaos into his makeshift lair, and shut the stall door. For some reason, Dougie was there.

"What is he doing here? Isn't he like, an eighth grader?" Craig asked, and Professor Chaos shook his head.

"No, he's my faithful sidekick, General Disarray!" Professor Chaos exclaimed.

"Right. I'm still trying to process this all." Craig explained, putting a hand to his forehead.

"So this all started last year. Remember the... incident?" Professor Chaos asked, as he began to take a seat on the floor. Everyone else joined him, in sitting down on the bathroom floor.

However, at the mention of 'the incident' everyone went silent. Nobody dared spoke of the... incident.

"I thought we all agreed not to talk about the incident anymore." Craig broke the silence, just like the incident had broken everyone's hearts. Everyone was completely traumatized about the incident. See, everyone said they stopped playing super heroes because some junior made fun of them, but what really made them lose interest was the incident that took place almost a week before a junior decided to ruin their fun. I mean, okay, the junior was kind of really insensitive and he totally pushed them in that direction, but the incident... Playing super heroes would've never been the same. They didn't mean for things to blow out of proportion like that... They just had. It was an awful, awful time. Nobody was friends with everybody, not to mention...

"We lost a good man, that Kenny McCormick..." Kyle spoke what everyone thought.

"Kenny and Mysterion. I still can't believe it. It's all our fault." Stan looked down at the floor in despair.

"I know, he was my hero." General Disarray looked up at ceiling lights, wistfully, and Craig jumped because he honestly forgot that the little guy was there.

Butters sighed. "I know. We can't go back and undo what happened. That's all over and he's gone. But there's someone besides Chaos who's still wants to play super heroes. I think he's behind all this."

Craig thought for a moment. "You mean, The Coon? You could've just told us this." Craig was beginning to feel his superpower was pointing out the obvious.

"Yeah, how did you know?" Professor Chaos asked, stunned. Stan and Kyle exchanged glances.

"You mean to tell me Cartma- The Coon is behind this? Seriously? How did he make Stan and I switch bodies?" Kyle practically shouted, and Butters shushed him.

"Okay, so technically it's just a theory but I'm pretty sure I'm right-" Suddenly, the bathroom doors burst open. Oh speak of the Devil, it was Eric. Fucking. Cartman.

"Who is in the big stall? I have to take a big fucking shit right now and -  _oh my god are you serious?_ " Cartman said, noticing their was five people standing in the giant stall, seeing five pairs of feet.

"Whatever. You guys are a bunch of fags. I'm going to take a shit in the next stall over, but don't mind me." Eric spoke smugly.

Kyle whispered "Run," and they all ran out of their as fast as they could. They were not going to stay for that show.

Once they got outside, Professor Chaos took off his gear and he was in his normal civilian clothes. Oh, it was Butters.

"Okay, sorry about that fellas, but can you guys meet me in Chaos's evil lair after school?" Butters asked shyly.

Stan and Kyle looked at each other. "Uh sure dude. Hey Kyle, can your mom give me a ride?"

"Well technically I have to ask you that now..." Kyle pointed out.

"Oh shit dude, you're right!"

Craig was exhausted by this entire fucking situation. "Well, if you excuse me guys. We wasted fifty-four minutes over this entire course of time, and to be honest? I'd rather be drawing right now. So I'm going back to class." Craig was about to go to the elevator, when Butters stopped him.

"Hey wait, are you going to come after school?" Butters asked, and Craig sighed.

"Maybe. I'll see." Craig rolled his eyes, and went inside the elevator. He knew he wouldn't though. Craig Tucker was a man with a plan, and he had plans. Specifically a plan. He was going to Tweak Bro's Coffee to hang out with his best friend, Tweek. Because he promised him. Also, because Craig wanted to do this. Fuck.

* * *

Craig deeply, deeply considered going back to first period. He even made an excuse for his long absence: Diarrhea. He was sure it would work. But he really didn't want to deal with Clyde right now. He was acting really weird, and to be honest Craig was beginning to feel uneasy by Clyde. Clyde had always struck Craig as a pretty oblivious guy, and he wasn't really sure where Clyde was going with this whole 'i'm here for you' stuff. I mean, Craig was obviously here for Clyde whenever he needed him but fuck... He wasn't sure what happened. Did something bad happen? Why was Clyde being more emotional than usual? It was freaking him out to be honest.

Second period Geometry finished like a breeze, there was a lot more sophomores in that class and being in the town of South Park that practically meant a bunch of people he knew. Craig Tucker mostly kept to himself, but he actually enjoyed math because he was good at it. Also, Token was in that class and he was pretty chill.

After Geometry was over, it was time for lunch. Since South Park High School was a pretty small school, everyone had the same lunch. Craig was excited to finally see his friends, minus Clyde who had been acting weird. He almost wondered if he should tell Clyde he's here for him. Because like, Craig is getting kind of concerned for his buddy Clyde.

Anyways, Craig and Token walked inside the cafeteria, and they waited in line to get their food.

"Hey Token, what's up with Clyde? He's been acting really weird." Craig asked Token. Craig thought Token probably knew what was up with Clyde since Token and Clyde were actually really close.

Token thought for a moment, as the lunch lady passed him a plate of something that looked edible. "He's okay? Clyde's just been acting like... Clyde."

The two of them went to go sit down where they always sat down at the cafeteria, where Jimmy was waiting for them. Craig thought Token was probably right. Craig was overthinking things. Maybe Tweek was rubbing off on him. Clyde had always been a generally weird person, at least to Craig.

"Hey fellas, how's it, uh, hangin'?" Jimmy asked.

"It's been a pretty average day." Craig responded, lying.

Soon, Clyde and Tweek walked together towards their table, appearing to be deep in conversation. The two stopped talking as they sat down at the table.

"Hey Tweek." Craig stared at Tweek and stifled a smile. "Clyde." Craig acknowledged the fact that Clyde existed.

"Hey gang," Clyde said with a yawn, and he stretched. "Long day, huh?"

"No not really." Token replied,

"Did you guys hear about Stan and Kyle? About how th-they're g-gay?" Jimmy asked, and everyone nodded. There wasn't much else to talk about, nothing interesting happened in South Park so they could only indulge in the latest gossip.

Oh fucking Jesus Christ. Clyde's eyes fell directly on Craig's, and 'pissed' was just the mood of the day. "They actually told me they weren't."

Tweek seemed uninterested in the conversation, and he seemed to stare off into the distance. He still twitched, and groaned, and Craig wondered what it was that made Tweek so uneasy. He wished he could make it go away.

Craig almost thought about telling his friends about the situation he got into earlier today, but he decided against it. He didn't want his friends to get involved, and he most certainly didn't want to bring up, you know the... incident.

Suddenly, the doors to the cafeteria barged open, causing everyone in the cafeteria to jump and turn their heads.

It was Wendy Testaburger, and boy did she seem pissed. She also looked really sick, and even though she was really far away Craig instinctively scooted further from her, because he did not want to catch her sickness.

"Stan!" She practically shouted, sounding congested. Stan and Kyle, who were actually sitting alone together, for reasons Craig could only guess as to not raise suspicion, turned around and Stan gasped. Only, to everyone else, Kyle was gasping. Oh boy. This did  _not_  look good.

She stomped her way towards the two boys, and Stan waved his hands frantically in the air.

"Oh, hey Wendy, you probably heard the rumors-" Stan said, but it was Kyle Wendy saw.

"Are they true?" Wendy asked, and something about the tone of her voice made Kyle felt sick. Not because she sounded sick, but because she sounded so heartbroken. He had expected her to sound pissed off, but somewhere along the rode he forgot the graveness of what those rumors were implying. That Stan had cheated on Wendy. Kyle was conflicted, he had no idea what to do. He had never dated a girl, and never has he cheated on anyone, but he was Stan. He had to somehow fix it.

Kyle sighed, and looked up at Wendy. "Look, Wendy. We're... I... you-" Kyle tried to be calm on the outside, but he was freaking out on the inside. He had no idea what he could say to make Wendy feel any better.

Stan frowned, "I can explain-" he tried. Wendy immediately turned her head to look at Kyle, who was actually Stan. Oh god.

"Do you love each other? Are you dating, seriously, how long has this been going on?" Wendy felt hot tears prickle down her cheeks. "Tell me, are the suspicions true?"

"No, Wendy, you see... Ugh fuck this is so hard!" Kyle pressed a hand against his head, and Wendy glared at him.

"Oh, you think this is hard? How do you think I feel? It's one thing if you have feelings for your best friend Stan, but it's another if you're seeing him while you and I are together." Wendy took a step back.

"Wendy... No, I-" Stan began, and Wendy looked at him with a hurt expression on her face.

"Haven't you done enough, Kyle?" Wendy turned around and dashed out of the cafeteria. From a not so far table, Bebe, Red, Nichole, Esther, Annie, Jenny and Lola all turned to each other. The group of girls got up, and ran out of the cafeteria, running to their friend in need. It was at this moment, Craig realized that so much was happening in his life, that he forgot that he was hungry. Until now.

Craig stared down at his plate of food; it was some sort of veggie burger, with some green beans on the side. Craig decided that he hated green beans.

"Holy shit man! What the hell was that?" Tweek covered his mouth in shock, and if the cafeteria was quiet before, it sure as hell wasn't now. All the tables were in deep conversation about what happened. I'm sure people we're already having theories for how long Stan and Kyle's relationship has been going on.

"I don't know, it barely looks edible." Craig said, staring down at his plate of food. Tweek raised an eyebrow.

"How can you just ignore that? Those guys are our, nngh, friends! This is crazy dude!" Tweek screeched.

"I guess those guys were just scared of what people would sa, say." Jimmy thought aloud. "Still, Wendy was right. They were a-assholes."

"I'm going to be honest, I kind of saw it coming." Token placed one hand down on the table, and one hand rested on his cheek.

Clyde nodded at this, "I know exactly what you mean." Clyde reached out to touch Token's hand, and Token glared.

"Dude. Stop."

"Hmm." Craig said, twirling his green beans around his lunch tray with a little plastic fork. He gazed up for a second, and caught Tweek staring at him. Quickly, he looked back down. After the hype of the situation died down, lunch continued as normally. People talked about their day, what happened during classes, plans they made for the weekend that has yet to come... But Craig didn't join in on the conversation. Usually, he would just add some sort of sarcastic or even snarky comment. Hell, sometimes if Craig was feeling really crazy he'd actually engage in the conversation. But not today.

The sound of the lunch bell ringing pierced through Craig's ears, and he got up to throw his tray in the trash. As he did, he felt a familiar hand touch his shoulder.

"Hey Craig," Tweek started, then shyly let go of Craig's shoulder.

"Hey dude. What's up?" Craig asked, and Tweek shook his head rapidly.

"N-nothing it's just that... you've been acting more depressed than usual... and I just. I don't know man. I'm here for you." Craig felt like crying. Okay, maybe the emotionless Craig Tucker was actually touched, but he couldn't help but think... Not Tweek too.

"Thanks. Yeah I'm just. Really tired." Craig sighed, and Tweek nodded understandingly, despite drinking almost nothing but coffee Tweek knew the feeling all too well.

"Yeah, I'll see you after school, okay?" Tweek smiled and went off to class. Craig let out yet again another sigh, but this time a smile crept up on his face. The cafeteria was near empty as he began to walk towards his P.E. class, but then he saw someone standing right in front of the cafeteria doors. Craig frowned.

"Clyde, what are you doing." Craig stared at Clyde. Maybe if he stared intensely at Clyde, he could figure the boy out. Because he was just something else.

Clyde seemed to be doing that too. The two boys just stared at each other for a prolonged amount of time.

"...Nothing, man. See you later, alright?" Clyde's expression softened, and he headed out the door. Craig shrugged and went about his day.

* * *

The sound of his best friend crying broke Kyle's heart. It had happened so quickly. Kyle felt somewhat relieved about it at first, but now hearing his best friend grossly sob in the bathroom stall all he felt was guilt. Also he felt a little weird, because he was hearing himself cry... Maybe it had been his fault that everyone thought they were gay. He didn't feel any sort of romantic attraction towards his best friend, but he did feel he was a bit clingy. I mean, of course he  _thought_  about it. Stan and him together... But who doesn't think about dating their best friend? Besides, that's all it was. A 'thought'.

Hearing his friend so upset now, he almost wanted to go to Wendy and beg her to take him back. But that wouldn't work anyways, because he was Stan. Kyle knew that they were going to eventually break up anyways, but he never expected it to be about him. The two always got into petty arguments and ended up breaking it off. But this was more than some argument. Stan had NEVER cheated on Wendy. Stan didn't deserve this, and Kyle knew it... This whole situation was a mess. Why did they have to switch bodies? Neither of them had been struck by lightning, and neither of them had eaten a mysterious fortune cookie. So what could've happened? Maybe if the same Monday where the switched bodies wasn't the same Monday where people also accused them of having some sort of secret relationship, that wasn't very secret anymore, maybe, just maybe, they could've sorted this out.

Kyle wasn't sure whether Butters had the answer or not, but he was willing to try anything at this point. Another thing Kyle was definitely not sure of was how to end this dumb rumor that Stan and he were lovers. But he knew Stan and him could get through this; They were super best friends who had grown up together, and they had definitely been through worse.

"Come on dude, I'm sure... I'm sure things will be okay." Kyle tried to comfort Stan. He honestly didn't know what to say, fuck. He didn't even believe what he was saying, he just wanted Stan to be happy again. Fuck, fuck, this was all his fault!

Stan got out of the bathroom, and Kyle thought it was weird seeing himself covered in snot with a face so red from crying excessively. Is this what he looked like after a breakdown? Yikes. Of course, he still felt bad though because technically it wasn't him crying, it was Stan.

Stan washed his hands and threw some water in his face in the bathroom sink, and tried shoving his hands into his coat pocket, only realizing he was wearing Kyle's coat which had patch pockets, which were weird and uncomfortable to slide your hands in. With a sigh, he placed his hands at his side.

"I wanna go home." Stan sniffled, staring at the ground.

"Come on dude, let's - let's get out of here. Let's go some place... I hate seeing you like this." Kyle proposed, and Stan glanced over his shoulder. It was awkward, looking at himself, as he had the entire day. Still, though it was himself talking, in some cheesy way he could hear Kyle saying that. Kyle was always trying to cheer Stan up. After the numerous amount of times him and Wendy had broken up, Kyle had always been there to cheer him up, while Cartman just laughed it off and "called it".

"Alright, I guess that... that could be cool." Stan lightened up. He just needed to get his mind off Wendy. "Where could we go?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the lack of creek. there will be SOME creek next chapter, but in the next next chapter there will be more. i think. i kind of have a plan   
> also next chapter is where thinks start making less sense


	3. Craig Is Still Hungry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wendy is still sad. Stan and Kyle go to Taco Bell. Craig is hanging out with Tweek. Stuff happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, by the by, I hope u guys had a great halloween!

The girls had all ditched school, seeing studies as the least important thing right now. They all went to Bebe's house, in order to comfort Wendy. Bebe's room had been dimly lit, the only light source was from the TV as the girls' ultimate comfort movie  _10 Things I Hate About You_ played in the background, as they all comforted Wendy, who was still recovering from that mess of a breakup. Wendy sat on Bebe's bed, while Bebe comforted her by patting her back. The other girls' in the room were Red, Nichole, Annie Knitts, Esther, Jenny and Lola.

"It's going to be okay, Wendy." Bebe comforted the girl, who had been crying. The breakup was really hurting her, and to top it all off she was still sick. At first, upon hearing the news Bebe about Stan and Kyle she had been happy for the two. But then she had forgotten Wendy was dating Stan. She thought the two were still broken up. They did break up a lot, and it was hard to keep count. But now, she was less than happy. She was pissed at the two. "Stan is an asshole. Seriously, I can't believe he fucking did that to you."

Wendy sniffled, it was bad enough that Stan had cheated on her, but she was also incredibly sick. Plus, all this crying was making her head ache but she didn't care. She needed to let it out.

"I know, I know... Plus, who knows how long he and Kyle..." She trailed off, but the others girls knew what she was saying.

Esther admired herself in Bebe's vanity, "This is why I don't want a boyfriend. Too much problem and maintenance, ugh." Wendy should've been upset, but she knew how bad Esther was at comforting people that she was used to it this point. Plus, she was somewhat right.

"I know Stan and I had our problems, but... There were times where he really did make me feel special. I felt like I was loved... And now I just feel so  _stupid."_ Wendy sighed, and placed her hands on her cheeks. "I can't believe I didn't see the signs earlier."

Red stood up from her spot on the floor, "hey, you know what?!" She started, then crossed her arms. "Screw Stan! Just because he didn't love you, doesn't mean you aren't loved. We all love you Wendy, right girls?" Red turned towards her friends, who nodded eagerly.

"Yeah Wendy, we love you!" Lola smiled, and Jenny grabbed Lola's hand and smiled at her, then at Wendy.

"Yeah! And you're not the reason Stan cheated on you. Take time to get over him. Maybe you'll find someone who is fully into you, and this incident will be forgotten. Even if you don't, we'll always be here for you." Nichole spoke thoughtfully.

Annie nodded, and hummed in response. The girls all turned to look at Annie.

"Annie, you've been silent this whole time." Jenny pointed out. The other girls nodded.

"Sorry, I've just been thinking." Annie avoided eye contact with the girls. "But I am here for you, Wendy! I just." Annie seemed to be thinking hard. "I can't fathom why Stan would do that to you. He really had us all fooled." Annie held her hand to her mouth. "Sorry, was that too mean?"

Wendy shook her head, "no, you're right." Wendy held a hand to her forehead. "I know I break up with Stan a lot, but this is the last straw. Cheating on me... Ugh, I'm not going to ever forgive him for this!"

Esther nodded eagerly, heading towards the door. "Good for you, girlfriend. But I know two men who you should absolutely meet."

"Who?" Wendy asked puzzled, furrowing her brows.

"Ben and Jerry's. Come on, it's the perfect post-break up snack!" Esther grinned and Wendy snickered.

"Well, I am  _sick._ " Wendy pointed out. But then, a thoughtful expression poured over her face, then a bright smile. "But actually, I do need this. You're so right. Come on, girls." Everyone got up from their respective spots, and walked towards Bebe's kitchen.

* * *

Stan and Kyle had ditched school after lunch to go to Taco Bell, reminding Stan of simpler times. And by simpler times, Stan meant the day before, Sunday, where he and Kyle had gone and got five dollar boxes. This Taco Bell in town had been relatively new, and the two super best friends had decided to try it out together. It was safe to say that the two super boys were smitten. While Kyle had gone with the cheesy gordita crunch box, Stan opted for the quesarito box. It was a great deal, coming with the item it promoted along with a doritos locos taco, a regular crunchy taco and a drink.

Kyle had placed a hand on Stan's shoulder, nodding at Stan saying he'd order while Stan's heart fluttered. His heart always seemed to flutter around Kyle, and he assumed it was because they were such great friends.

"I'll have a quesarito box, and a cheesy gordita crunch box please." Kyle smiled, knowing about Stan's quesarito addiction.

"Oh." The Taco Bell cashier rubbed the back of their neck sheepishly. "Sorry..." They dragged on.

"We no longer are serving the cheesy gordita crunch  _boxes_  anymore. You can still get the craving's deal, which instead comes with the cheesy gordita crunch, a beefy burrito supreme, and some nachos." The Taco Bell employee suggested.

Kyle wrinkled his nose in utter disgust. "This is bullshit," he muttered under his breath. It seems like that was all Taco Bell was doing nowadays. Offering treasures of wonders to it's millions of fans, only to rip it away from their dying grasps in a matter of seconds. Beefy burrito supremes weren't even good. They were just  _gross._

"That's fine, instead of that I'll just have a... a..." Kyle looked up at the menu above him. "Oh, I guess I'll try the new cheesy quesadilla box." Kyle grinned, feeling a bit better about his purchase.

The cashier confirmed his order, and Kyle reached into his pocket and handed him a twenty. Smiling, the cashier thanked him, and handed him his change while Kyle nodded in thought.

"You know, it kinda sucks you guys don't have cheesy gordita crunch boxes anymore," Kyle says. "I mean, I was here yesterday and you guys had them."

The cashier raises a brow, "oh?" he seemed to be conspicuously reaching for something under the counter, but Kyle couldn't figure out what. "Yesterday? Did you happen to be with your friend back there?" The cashier asked, looking in the direction of Stan, who had walked away to sit in a booth in the corner.

Kyle was confused by the question, but nodded. "Yeah. I ordered the cheesy gordita crunch box, and he got the quesarito box." The cashier narrowed his eyes suspiciously, and backed away slowly.

"Alright, alright. I'll be right there with your order, sir." The cashier seemed nervous now, and walked out of sight. Three words were etched in Kyle's mind.

_'what the fuck?'_

Kyle walked over to the booth where Stan sat, repeating the same words to himself over and over in his head. That guy was acting strange, and looked at Kyle like he had just seen a ghost. Stan took off 'his' hat, and Kyle groaned. His hair was a mess. He was seriously thinking of shaving it off.

"Come on dude, put my hat back on." Kyle frowned. Stan looked confused as he combed a hand through his (Kyle's) hair.

"Why?" Stan asked, his once solemn face now bore a small smile as he touched Kyle's hair. "I like your hair." Stan said, and was about to say that it was cute but stopped himself. Stan instead narrowed his eyes, and leaned in closely, which was making Kyle anxious.

"Dude, that guy is staring at us."

Kyle barely turned his head, and from the corner of his eyes he saw him. The cashier, was staring at them with this dead look in his eyes.

"What the fuck," Kyle was now voicing his thoughts, now only in a hushed whisper. Stan continued eyeing the cashier, and looked at Kyle nervously.

"Um," Stan was nervous and stared down at his feet. "Should..." Stan stared at the cashier once more, who now seemed like a lifeless statue, until he blinked, sending a chill down Stan's spine. "Should we go?"

"What?" Kyle asked. Okay, thinking about it, Stan was right, they should go. But it had costed him ten dollars plus tax in order to pay for it. Plus, he was doing this for Stan and if Stan wanted to leave, who was he to argue? Bonus plus: Kyle was also a bit freaked out by the cashier. He was acting really weird.

"Yeah dude. Let's." Kyle got up, and he was surprised as Stan bolted towards the door. Not smooth. The door wouldn't budge, and for some reason it seemed to be locked. Kyle's eyes widened, and he kept thinking. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck what the fuck what the fu-

"Hey!" The cashier called, snapping Kyle out of his thoughts. "Don't you want your boxes?"

Stan and Kyle both turned to look at the man, and as they did a steel barricade covered Taco Bell as if it were on lockdown. Both of their hearts were racing as the cashier got out from behind the counter, and walked towards them. He pulled out a walky-talky from his apron, and pulled it close to his face.

"Yeah, we got 'em. The test subjects are here right now. Hurry. We don't have much time."

Stan and Kyle looked at each other in horror. They were fucking trapped at Taco Bell.

* * *

Craig had kicked a rock on the ground, and as him, Tweek and Cartman continued walking Tweek caught up with the rock and kicked it too. Craig and Tweek had been doing this for the past five minutes, while Cartman watched in mild amusement, laughing a few times about how stupid they were. Craig was originally going to Tweak Bros. Coffee alone, but the two had bumped into Cartman who naturally invited himself because he was 'bored off his ass'. It was safe to say that Craig minded a lot, but it was whatever. Tweek didn't seem to be too upset, and even considered Cartman a 'friend' somewhat, even if he kind of hated him. That's how most Eric Cartman friendships worked out anyways.

Cartman had pretty much stayed the same, was still the same asshole, immature self he'd always been. He wasn't too involved in school, though he was president of gamer's club where he claimed to kick everyone's ass at video games. Craig had gone to a meeting once — the meeting mostly consisted of Cartman being pissed off while being bad at video games. It was slightly amusing, but not enough to where Craig went to another meeting. Besides, he preferred playing video games with Tweek, who didn't really join any clubs except drama club.

Craig shook his head, what was he thinking about? Earlier, he had been thinking about some sort of fast food. He couldn't remember anymore. All he knew right now, was that he was hungry. His stomach gurgled loudly, causing Tweek and Cartman to stare him in the eyes.

"Dude, are you hungry?" Tweek asked, then held his hands to his mouth. "Oh my gosh, did you even have lunch today? AGH, you're probably starving!" Tweek gasped, and sat on the cement sidewalk, rummaging through his backpack. "IwishIhadbroughtsnackstoschoolIdon'thaveanythinginmybackpackyoucaneatandwhatifyoupassoutand-"

"Tweek, I'm fine. Jesus." Craig placed a hand on Tweek's shoulder. "Just hungry. That's all." Cartman was looking at the two, and seemed to be stifling a laugh. Tweek ignored him, while Craig glared at him.

"We can, uh, stop by the convenience store if you guys want." Cartman suggested, "I'll buy you some snacks guys, it's all on me." Craig raised a brow, Eric? Eric Fucking Cartman? Buying hungry, hungry Craig a snack? At a concvenience store with  _his own money?"_

"What are you planning?" Craig asked, while Tweek shook nervously.

"Not planning anything, Craig. I got a job at Taco Bell, and I'm just feeling a little... generous, is all." Cartman grinned, and Craig looked at him with half-lidded eyes.

"Whatever. I'm not hungry anymore." Craig lied, and Cartman turned away from the two.

"Well then gentleman, I believe this is where we part ways." Cartman held his hands behind his back, "if you  _loverboys_  excuse me, I'm going to spend my money that I worked hard for."

Cartman walked away, while Craig scoffed. "Of course. Asshole just wants to brag about the fact that he has a fucking job."

Tweek nudged Craig, "whatever. I - AGH - had a job way before him, anyways." Tweek smiled at Craig, who couldn't help but smile in return.

"Damn right you are." Craig replied, shoving his hands into his pockets. It wasn't long before they made it to Tweak Bros. Coffee. Fucking finally! Craig felt like his life was getting more and more slow paced by the second. Times like these where he was with Tweek seemed to be the fastest, though. Tweak Bros. Coffee was the perfect place for students to hang out after school, as it wasn't too far off from school. Even though there coffee wasn't the best, Tweek's dad always said that they used all-natural ingredients and that they also 'cared a little more'... whatever that meant.

The two boys walked in, the place was currently packed right now, with Tweek's parents' working. There was an empty booth, where Tweek and Craig practically claimed as 'their booth' where they went to go sit down. Tweek sat down first, and instead of sitting across from him Craig chose to sit right next to him. Tweek muttered a soft "oh", in surprise, as he didn't expect it, but a smile crept on his face.

"Wait, when you said you weren't hungry anymore you were lying, right?" Tweek furrowed his brow, smile wiped from his face. Craig shrugged.

"I wasn't going to let that asshole buy me food."

"WHAT! Jesus, I'll be right back." Craig was shoved out of the booth, and Tweek ran to the employee room, probably to make Craig something that would hopefully make him less hungry. With a sigh, Craig sat down on the other side of the booth, and suddenly, his phone rang. A phone call. Man, Craig fucking hated talking on the phone. Despite this, he answered it anyways, without bothering to check who it was.

"What." Craig greeted.

"Why didn't you show?" A dejected Butters was on the other line.

"Couldn't make it." Craig turned to look at the employee backdoor, "my mom said no."

"I can see you." Butters said, which shocked Craig, who looked around the coffee shop, and then he noticed Butters out of the window. Dressed like a normal civilian, he looked angry... As angry as Butters could look, anyways.

"OK, look... I had other plans." Craig sighed. "Plus, I'm sort of refusing to get involved at this point. I don't really care what the hell is happening in Stan and Kyle's life right now."

"That's the thing! They didn't show up either." Butters said on the other line, and Craig watched him as he spoke, as he was standing outside the coffee shop.

"What?" Craig asked, a hint of curiosity in his voice.

"I'm coming inside." Butters replied, and Craig inwardly groaned. He watched as Butters hung up his phone, and opened the door. He walked towards Craig and sat on the opposite side of him.

"They didn't show!" Butters exclaimed, and Craig stared at Butters angrily. He could see  _why_  Butters was confused... This was there problem, and Butters offered a solution to their problem which they actually seem interested in. To not show up was the dickest of moves. Then Craig remembered something. Oh right.

"Stan's probably still crying over Wendy right now." Craig pointed out. "They broke up  _again,_  and Stan's probably mourning it. Or whatever."

" _Again?_ " Butters asked. "Why!?" He seemed genuinely curious.

"It was all anyone was talking about today. Everyone is thinking Stan and Kyle are gay, or something. I dont know." Craig kind of hoped this conversation would end soon, he was getting really bored of it already.

"Oh hamburgers, really? Why am I always the last to find out these things?" Butters sighed. "Oh well. I guess they are South Park's second gayest best friends."

Craig furrowed his brows. "What do you mean second." He didn't know why, but he felt curious.

Butters, instead of responding, got up to leave. "Well anyways, I guess since Stan and Kyle didn't show up, and you don't want to be included, I guess I'll just respect it. Aw, shoot. I prepared a nice powerpoint slide and everything too!" Butters whistled as he walked away, and left the shop. At this moment, Craig couldn't help but think about how much he hated South Park. Too many crazy things happened, the only thing he liked about this podunk town was his friends. Craig absolutely sucked ass at emotions but he would be lying if he said he didn't love his fucking friends. Tweek, Token, Clyde, Jimmy, and well...

Snapping him out of his thoughts, an exasperated Tweek came back to his booth, without sitting down. "Craig, we don't have any snacks! I thought we would have leftovers from when we tried to make pastries and sell them last week, but we don't and oh my gosh you're so hungry, and, and-" Tweek was twitching like a rabbit's nose, and Craig held Tweek's arms to comfort him. It seemed to be working.

"Tweek, calm down. I'm fine," Craig thought for a moment. "I hate for you to be worrying about me like this. Let's just go to my house. It's way too crowded here anyways."

Tweek stood there for a moment, shaking lightly, until he eventually stopped. "Okay." He walked towards the counter.

"Dad, can I go to Craig's house?" He asked, just to make sure.

Tweek's dad, Richard stared at him, hands on his hips. "Now son, I can't have you fooling around while there's customers waiting to be served our delicious, lovingly brewed coffee. It's rush hour!"

Tweek looked at his father with pleading eyes. "Oh, oh uh... I promise to work more hours this week, ...Please dad?"

"Yeah, please dad?" Craig repeated, and Tweek lightly punched Craig in the cheek. It didn't hurt, but Craig softly rubbed the spot where Tweek punched him anyways.

Richard seemed to be thinking for a moment. "Well, alright. But you boys stay out of trouble." Tweek turned to smile at, his smile so hopeful and sweet. Craig, who felt his heart flutter, was feeling confused. Huh.

It must be because they're such good friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bottom text


	4. Craig Is an overbearing father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tricia is sick, but luckily Craig is the best big brother ever. Butters is awesome, and so is Red. Craig realizes that what he wanted was right in front of him the entire time.

Craig had woken up the next morning, to find out that his sister Tricia had been sick. Like, really sick. She'd look more gross than  _Wendy_  had the other day. His mother had to go and work at the bank, and his dad was going over to his uncle, Skeeter's house to discuss something. Craig wasn't sure if what his dad was doing was important, but he had been somewhat surprised when his mother had given him a request.

"Craig, I know your studies are important, but I'd like you to stay home and take care of your little sister."

Craig had never really stayed home for no reason, sure there were a couple of times in his childhood where he faked being sick (and often didn't get caught — he naturally sounded congested, after all). But he couldn't really call this no reason. He had to 'take care of his little sister' whatever that meant. He was sure Tricia was going to be in a pissy mood when she found out.

Craig shrugged, "sure. I guess." His mother nodded, and got her coat and purse that waited for her by the door. Craig's dad waited by the door too, probably going to be dropped off at Skeeter's place.

"Oh, and sweetie there's some soup in the fridge. Heat it up for Tricia and help yourself. Bye-bye." His mom said, and the two adults walked out of his house, leaving Craig by himself, with his sister Tricia upstairs in her room.

He went to the kitchen, got the pot out of the fridge and placed it on the stove. Turning the stove on, he put a lid on the pot to heat it up quicker, then he pulled out his phone to message his group chat he had with his friends (Tweek, Clyde, Token, Jimmy).

_hey guys not going to school today_

Craig pressed send, and Tweek had responded almost immediately.

_WHAT are u ok? are u sick? what happened?_

Craig had rolled his eyes, a smile evident on his face. He quickly typed out a message and saw that Clyde had sent a photo. It was of him and Bebe with Wendy, all huddled up, with Clyde making a kissy face, Bebe smiled and Wendy looked bored. Clyde then texted:

_wish u were here :(_

_but seriously r u ok!_

Craig responded quickly.

_im fine guys jesus. my mom wants me to take care of Tricia cuz shes sick_

Craig put his phone in his pocket, then walked upstairs to go check on Tricia, because he was pretty sure that was what he had to do, right?

He knocked on the door, and heard a gross cough in response. He took that as a 'come in', and opened the door. His little sister had been tucked in bed, and her face red not from anger, but due to the fact that she was very, very sick. She flipped him off, and Craig flipped her off in response.

"What are you doing here." She asked, her voice sounding rude but genuinely curious.

Craig shrugged, which was something he was doing a lot of lately. "Mom wants me to take care of you." She turned to lay on her side to face her brother.

"Oh." She seemed to be in thought, "that's stupid. I hope I get to stay home when  _you_  get sick."

Craig just stared at her. "Maybe that will be soon, maybe I'll catch your disease."

"It's not a disease, asshat. It's the common cold. But you're probably right." Tricia smiled more, then frowned. "I want some juice."

Craig rolled his eyes, almost about to tell her to get it herself but remembered why he was here. "Fine," Craig said, then went downstairs and headed back into the kitchen. He got some cranberry juice from the fridge, and poured it into a mug. Craig checked the pot on the stove, taking the lid off as steam poured into his face. Yup, it was definitely ready at this point. He turned the stove off, then got a bowl from the cupboard. He poured the soup into the bowl, then getting a spoon from the drawer placed it into the bowl.

Craig was the best big brother ever.

He placed the bowl onto the tray, along with the cup of cranberry juice then carefully walked upstairs. He kicked Tricia's door open, as it was easy to as the door hadn't be shut closed. Tricia eyed him curiously, then stood up in her bed. There was a smile evident on her face.

"Thanks." She said, genuinely. Craig nodded, then his phone rang. Without checking who it was, he answered it.

"What." Craig greeted, and heard the sound of Butters wailing.

"Craig! Look, I know you said you didn't want to be involved..."

Craig looked at his little sister, who was blowing at her soup. She slurped at her spoon, then took a gulp of her cranberry juice. Of course he didn't want to be involved in another one of Stan and his cronies' shenanigans. He had too much to lose.

"And I  _don't._ " Craig reminded him, and Butters seemed to be nervous on the other side.

"But, but... But I don't know who else to turn to! I didn't see Stan or Kyle all day yesterday, and now today they're both absent!"

"I don't see how this is my problem. Like you said, I don't want to be involved." Craig sighed, "look. I'm hanging up now. Why don't you get someone like, I don't know  _Scott Malkinson_  to help you."

Butters kept stammering 'buts' on the other side, and Craig sighed again. "Goodbye, Butters." He hung up, and placed his phone back into his pocket. He almost thought of blocking his number, but decided against it. Tricia just looked at him curiously, and he shrugged.

"it's nothing."

* * *

Click. That was the sound of Craig hanging up on Butters. Butters sighed, and shoved his phone into his pocket. It was brunch, and Butters usually hung around Stan's gang, but he didn't the other day because Eric was his number one suspect. Though his theory was starting to make less sense. Cartman and Crab people working together to switch Stan and Kyle's bodies to get back at the two for the incident? Besides, it wasn't even their fault. It was nobody's fault.

Butters sighed as he walked to Geometry, a class which he shared with Craig who was absent that day. As he walked in, he took his seat in the near back, where he sat next to Red, Craig's cousin. The class was delightfully surprised that there was a sub that day. The sub called students' names, each giving a here in response.

"Leopold Scotch?" The sub called, and Butters looked up.

"I go by 'Butters'." Butters responded, and stared down at his notebook. The teacher nodded, and continued calling kids' names.

"Craig Tucker?" The sub looked around the class, "Craig Tucker, are you here?"

"He's absent, miss." Butters answered solemnly, now scribbling in his notebook. Red stared to look at him.

"What is your problem?" She asked, definitely had her cousin's attitude. Butters glanced in her direction.

"Your cousin is being a jerk." Butters commented, and Red raised a brow.

"Didn't know you and my cousin talked." Red flipped her hair, as the sub began passing out a worksheet for the class to do, while she sat at the teacher's desk on her phone.

"We do! Sometimes!" Butters defended himself, and man. Was Red being a jerk. "What is  _your_  problem?"

Red crossed her arms, "whatever. Just..." Red's features softened, and she crossed her arms. "I'm kinda worried about him."

Butters angry expression morphed, now giving Red a sympathetic look. Red glared at him instantly. "Whatever. It doesn't matter. He and I - we don't talk much, Clyde was asking me about him the other day."

Butters shifted in his seat, staring at her intently. "What did he say?"

Red placed a hand on her forehead, "he just kept asking me if I knew if Craig was OK or not. Kind freaked me out with how emotional he was being. Craig's got weird friends, that's for sure."

Butters nodded, unsure of what to say. "Maybe you should talk to him. Craig."

Red sighed, placing a hand on her cheek. "I mean, well... I don't know how. Whenever I talk to Craig, we mostly just talk shit about other people. We never really talk about anything serious..."

Butters folded his hands, "well, then don't! Just talk to him about, well, anything. Maybe it'll make you feel better."

Red processed what he said, then smiled. "Yeah... Thanks Butters! I will talk to him." Red then began to pay attention to her worksheet, and started doing her work, feeling much better than she had before.

"Yeah, no problem." Butters then stared at his own paper. But he wasn't about to do his geometry worksheet, his mind was busy thinking about other things. Also, Butters was bad at math. Maybe he should get a tutor.

* * *

Lunch rolled in, the cafeteria was loud as ever, people talking about just about anything they put their minds to. At Craig's usual table, he was absent. It was just Token, Clyde, Tweek, and Jimmy who sat there today (Clyde next to Tweek, and Jimmy next to Token). They all had lunch trays set in front of them, and Tweek was playing with his food, moving it around rather than eating it. Craig had been right, the other day when he said the food was barely edible. Today they were serving mash potatoes and something that resembled chicken and it was just... gross.

"I was thinking, after school, we should go over to Craig's and like. Help him out." Clyde started.

"I-I don't know," Tweek thought for a moment. "I'm still upset that he had to miss school. I mean, what if he gets sick?! What if, what if we ALL go over there and we ALL get sick! Then we all get SO sick that we all just, just-"

"Tweek, lighten u-u-up, b-buddy. Jesus." Jimmy said, while Clyde grabbed Tweek's hands to stop him from pulling his hair. Clyde smiled at the shorter boy, who glanced down.

"Sorry! I'm just..." Tweek frowned, and thought, 'just always like this...'

Tweek took a bite of his mash potatoes and grimaced. No longer feeling hungry, he shoved the tray away from him.

"Anyways, it was just a thought. If it stresses you out Tweekums, we don't have to go. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable." Clyde said, putting an arm around Tweek. Token rolled his eyes, but said nothing. Just then, Bebe walked over to their table and sat down next Token.

"Hey babe." Bebe said, resting her hands on the table.

Clyde's eyes glistened as his world, Bebe, just sat there... looking like a goddess. "Babe!" Clyde grinned, placing his hands on her. Bebe patted his hands, then placed her own at her side.

"Anyways, I just wanted to tell you guys that you're all invited to my party Saturday." Bebe beamed, and Clyde nudged Tweek. Token looked at her, and seemed to be deep in thought.

"Are you sure a party is what you girls need right now? I mean..." Token trailed off, and Bebe nodded.

"Yeah, I know. It sucks, but Wendy seemed all for it. Said it would get her mind off you-know-who... Speaking of which, I know  _you_  wouldn't babe." Bebe smiled as her eyes fell on Clyde. "But seriously? Stan and Kyle are NOT invited. So don't bring them at the party, and if you see them then I don't know, get them OUT of there!"

Token nodded, "well, alright then."

"Where are the little a-assholes, anyw-... anyw... where are the little assholes a-anyway?" Jimmy asked, and they all looked around the cafeteria.

Bebe thought for a moment, "you know, I don't know. I don't care. Probably ditched to make out or something. Speaking of ditched, where's Craig?" Bebe turned to look at Tweek, who always seemed to know the whereabouts of Craig. Tweek scratched his arm, and realized Bebe was asking him.

"O-oh! Well, he stayed home to take care of his little sister, Tricia." Tweek twitched as he spoke, "I'm hope she's OK..." he muttered, and Bebe nodded.

"That's cute. Tell him that he's invited too. Anyways, gotta run, my girls need me. Ciao, boys. Love you, babe!" Bebe got up, and formed a heart with her hands, looking at Clyde.

Clyde formed a heart with his hands in response, and exclaimed "I love you too!"

Token was beginning to feel sick, and shoved his tray in front of him. "You know, I'm not really hungry anymore."

Jimmy stared down at Token's plate, and Token sighed. "Don't know how you eat this stuff." He said, shoving the plate in Jimmy's direction. Jimmy shrugged, and continued eating the crappy school cafeteria food.

Token felt that Clyde was his very best friend. They usually hung out the most, and he wanted to feel happy for his best friend Clyde, but he just couldn't. It was probably because the two were overly lovey-dovey. Always making kissy faces at each other from across the halls, overuse of the word 'babe', the two probably sent each other gushy good-morning texts too...

Token was feeling light-headed, and shook his head, then suddenly Clyde slammed his fists down at the table.

"This is perfect! We can go over to Craig's house, to tell him he's invited. Then we can help aid his little sister back to health!"

Tweek raised a brow, thinking he could just text Craig. But he wasn't going to say anything, he at least wanted to go over to see if Tricia was OK.

"Alright, Clyde. Whatever you say." Tweek smiled, and Clyde patted him on the back.

* * *

"He stays in the cocoon for more than two weeks... Then he comes out, and... he is a beautiful butterfly." Craig closed the book, and Tricia groaned.

"Are you having  _fun?_ " Tricia asked, as Craig put The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle back into Tricia's bookshelf, a book beyond Tricia's reading level. Craig shrugged, letting out a small laugh.

"Yeah. Kind of." Craig said, and Tricia rolled her eyes.

School had been let out half an hour ago, but his mother had not returned and his father was probably goofing off his with friends down at Skeeter's bar or whatever. Craig didn't really know, but he was just keeping Tricia company at this point and being what Tricia would call 'an ass'.

Just then, Craig heard the doorbell ring. "I'll get it." Craig said, then Tricia stared at him with half-lidded eyes. "Well, I mean obviously. It's probably mom or dad, or whatever."

Craig walked downstairs, and he heard commotion on the other side. As if there was a group of people having a conversation. Craig opened the door, and was greeted with his friends talking. Tweek was carrying a basket, that had a bunch of teabags in it, along with a jar of honey.

"What're you guys doing here." Craig asked, as Clyde walked in and Token, Tweek, and Jimmy followed suit.

"We're here to check on Tricia! We would've gotten here sooner, but Tweek wanted to bring a basket of goodies for her or something." Clyde scratched his head.

"It's not a basket of goodies! It's tea, and it's disgusting but my mom makes me have it whenever I'm sick and it sucks, but..." Tweek stared down at his basket in anger. "Whatever." Tweek said, and stomped his ways upstairs, Craig following after him. Clyde looked at Token and Jimmy, who shrugged, then the rest of them followed the two boys upstairs.

Craig opened the door to Tricia's room, "my friends are here." He announced, and Tricia rolled her eyes.

"Of course your friends arrive before our parents do." Tricia said, and Craig raised a brow, but didn't say anything.

Tweek set down his basket, then realized something. "Oh shit, fuck I need to - Craig, dude I'm going to go use your kettle. Trixie, I'm going to make you some tea and it's going to be gross but I'll put honey in it to make it easier to swallow down." Tweek grabbed a teabag, and a jar of honey then marched downstairs.

"Yeah, sure dude. knock yourself out." Craig watched as Tweek left the room, and Clyde took a seat in Tricia's beanbag chair.

"Wow," Clyde says, and Craig turns to look at him.

"What?" Craig asks, and Clyde waves a hand in the air.

"Nothing it's nothing."

Just then, a shriek was heard from the kitchen, causing everyone to jump, everyone's faces looked terrified. Fuck, it was Tweek. Craig dashed out of that room like a lightning bolt, and the rest followed after him, even Tricia who was bedridden the entire day.

"Tweek! Holy fuck, are you OK?" Craig asked as he arrived into the kitchen, noticing Tweek was on the floor, holding his hands, tears evident in his eyes.

"Yeah, fuck I just... I was shaking, and I poured the water... and now it's all over the place... fuck! I just can't do anything right."

Craig helped Tweek up, and stared him straight in the eyes. "That's not true, it's not a big deal and-" Craig tried to hold Tweek's hand then jumped. "Jesus, your hand is burning! And you're worried about that mess, fuck dude." Craig held Tweek's hand, and walked him over to the sink, avoiding the puddle of water which Craig himself would clean up later. He soaked Tweek's hand under the water for a minute, then left him there and got a washcloth from a nearby drawer. He removed Tweek's hand from under the faucet, then wet the washcloth.

Tweek's face was flustered, as Craig wrapped the washcloth around Tweek's hand. "Jesus, babe. Don't freak me out like that. I'll continue making Tricia's tea, OK?"

Token, Clyde, Jimmy and Tricia who had been watching the scene unravel with concern all turned to look at Craig, now all grinning like fools. Tricia was laughing like an idiot, while Tweek looked even more flustered than before. Clyde was trying his best to hold in his laughter, and was holding on to Token who looked at Craig curiously. Jimmy laughed like a normal person, controlling himself.

Craig looked angry, as he poured the remaining water in the kettle into a small cup. He added a tea bag to it, then let it sit on the counter for a bit. "What the hell is so funny?"

"You- You... You called Tweek  _babe!"_ Clyde said, between laughter, and Craig raised a brow.

"No I didn't. I said dude." Craig walked over to the fridge, then got out a liter of soda. "I said dude, right Tweek?"

Tweek who was still in shock, nodded. "Uh yeah.  _Dude."_

"Whatever. Hey babe, I'm going to help myself out to some soda if you don't mind." Clyde said, who opened Craig's cupboards and got out a Doc Mcstuffin's cup that belonged to Tricia, who didn't seem to mind. He also got out another cup for Craig, Token, and Jimmy. Craig flipped him off, and Clyde gave him a one-sided hug.

"Tweek, you don't want any soda, right?" Clyde asked, offering the soda as if it were his own. Craig would've offered anyways, so just looked at Tweek, who shook his head.

"No thanks. I don't really like soda." Tweek looked like he was in thought for a moment. "Babe."

Clyde gasped, holding onto his heart, Token and Jimmy shared a laugh, as Clyde fell to the floor dramatically. Craig looked betrayed, and clutched onto his heart, but his face showed no emotion, though he looked directly at Tweek. Tweek formed a heart with his hands, and stared at Craig with a shy smile. Craig's heart fluttered, and he returned the small smile. Then he remembered, oh yeah, Tricia's tea was probably ready.

Craig got a spoon from the drawer, and opened the jar of honey. He got honey with the spoon, and began stirring the honey into the tea. He then gave the cup of tea to Tricia, who now sat on the floor.

"Here ya go," he said. Craig turned, and saw Token and Jimmy helping Clyde getting up from his spot on the floor.

"Your such an asshole." Craig glared, and Clyde had a foolish grin on his face.

"Yeah, but I'm your asshole. And Tweek is your babe." Clyde grinned, patting Tweek on the back for the second time that day. Clyde suddenly gasped, remembering something. "Speaking of BABES..."

Token groaned, as Clyde began, "you're invited to Bebe's party on Saturday."

Craig shrugged, "guess I'll go. I mean I have nothing better to do."

"Oh and also don't bring Stan or Kyle."

Craig furrowed his brows angrily, "you know I hate those guys."

"Right. Still, just repeating Bebe's words. She has such an angelic voice." Clyde looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully, and everyone made a face.

"Gross." Craig said, then went back to pouring everyone's sodas. Giving the Doc Mcstuffin's cup to Clyde, he sipped it like a king. He gave the rest of the regular cups to Token, Jimmy, and Tweek.

"A, t-toast," Jimmy said, lifting his cup in the air, and Tricia's little sister joined them, standing on her tippy-toes, raising her glass as high as she could. Token and Tweek joined them, and Craig rolled his eyes but did as everyone did.

"Toast to what?" Token asked, and Jimmy thought for a moment.

"C-craig and T-tweek's budding r-... Craig and Tweek's budding, r-romance." Jimmy finished, and everyone but Craig and Tweek clinked glasses.

"Knock it off you guys," Craig glared. "It was funny maybe the first time, but now it's getting old."

"Well, to be fair... You guys are kind of like the parents of the group." Token pointed out, and Tweek was shaking.

"WHAT! How?" Tweek frowned, holding his hands to his face.

"Yeah, Tweek is kind of life the worry-wart dad... and then Craig is the overbearing father." Clyde said with a thinking expression,

"I'm not overbearing." Craig flipped him off, "and I'm not your dad. Go to your room."

"We made dad mad!" Clyde sulked, and Jimmy comforted him. "No man, it was just you."

"I hate this family." Token sighed, and then they all shared a good laugh, even Craig was smiling. Just a LITTLE bit.

They all walked in the living room, taking a seat on the couch. Tweek sat next to Craig, who sat next to Tricia who sat next to Jimmy who sat next to Token. Clyde laid sprawled out on the carpet.

"You know, babes." Clyde said out of the blue. "You know what helps me when I'm sick?"

"Terrence and Phillip." Token spoke, and Clyde nodded. Clyde moved around on the floor, and then crawled towards the TV, turning it on. Terrence and Phillip's happy farting faces lit the room, and they all huddled around the TV like it was Christmas or whatever.

They were all immersed in the Terrence and Phillip episode, that Craig barely noticed the knock on the door, till Tweek tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey," Tweek said, and Craig noticed how close in proximity they were. "Someone's knocking on the door."

Craig tried to process what Tweek was saying while getting lost in Tweek's eyes. "Oh." Craig said, then got up. "Oh! Oh, uh, I'll go get the door then. Dude." Craig mentally kicked himself in the balls and got up to answer the door. It was probably his parents, or something. It was like 4PM right now, so they had to have come on by now, right?

He opened the door, and was shocked to see his cousin Red there.

"Red." He said, "oh hi. What's up." He greeted, dumbfounded, not expecting to see his cousin there.

"Can I come in?" She asked, though Red let herself in anyways, so Craig didn't see the point in her asking. "Wow, it's been a while since I visited. Place still looks nice,"

Clyde turned to look at Red, "oh hey Red!" Then grinned. "If Tweek and Craig are our dads, then Red is like Uncle Jessie. Except, y'know, a girl."

Craig rolled his eyes, taking his seat next to Tweek. "Nobody gets your Full House references, Clyde."

"John Stamos..." Jimmy spoke with a thoughtful expression. He appeared to be deep in thought.

"Anyways, what're you doing here Red?" Craig asked, looking at his cousin, who appeared to be playing a silent version of patty cake with Tricia. She looked at him thoughtfully.

"Nothing, my dad isn't home, and I just decided to come over and hang out is all."

Craig wondered why she didn't go over to Bebe's or Annie's house, but shrugged. Craig didn't really mind that his cousin was over, and muttered "cool," as his attention went back to the TV and the twitching boy next to him.

"Terrence and Phillip will be right back after these messages." The TV taunted at them, causing the boys to groan. What happened next though, caused all the boys to lean in to the Television's screen. Red and Tricia joined them, in interest.

"We took marinated, all white meat chicken... And married it with our cheesy quesadilla, to create the perfect mood. Introducing Taco Bell's new crispy chicken quesadilla... Get it with all your favorites, like a crunchy taco, a Doritos locos taco, and an ice cold medium drink, for just five dollars. Together at last, but only for a limited time. The new five dollar crispy chicken quesadilla box. Only, at Taco Bell." The Taco Bell ad told them, the voice saying it in a sensual whisper, almost if it was a little secret only they would know. Next was a commercial that had to do with some Carl's Jr. burger, but the boys plus Red and Tricia tuned it out, too fixated on the Taco Bell ad.

"FUCK DUDE, YES!" Clyde hollered at the TV, and Craig felt his stomach grumble. God, he felt so hungry. He realized what he wanted to satisfy his hunger was right in front of him, but only for a second. No, he didn't even want a Carl's Jr. $5 All Star Value Meal anymore. No, he didn't want the charbroiled double cheeseburger & spicy Chicken Sandwich meal  _or_  the hand-breaded chicken tenders. No, what he wanted was Taco Bell's new crispy chicken quesadilla box, for just five dollars. But he knew had to act quick.

It was only there for a limited time.


	5. Craig Is Gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Red have a very important conversation. Later, Clyde has an idea, which is never a good thing.

They all stayed at Craig's for a bit, until eventually Clyde's dad called and was pissed because Clyde hadn't done his homework and had an F in two of his classes. Luckily, Clyde was actually Craig's neighbor as crazy as it was and walked home. Token called his parents, deciding it was pretty late and they picked him up in his fancy limo. Jimmy got a ride with Token, which was pretty fucking sweet, and Token offered to drop Tweek off, but Tweek declined, wanting to stay longer. Which left Tweek and Red as the only guests left.

An hour passed, and Tweek realized he needed to get home to work on his English essay. Craig wasn't sure what it was about, but Tweek was freaking out about it. Tweek had tried to call his parents, but they didn't pick up.

"Fuck, they're probably working! Shit, shit, oh and they must be so mad. I promised to work more, if I have to work another night shift I think I might die!" Tweek was hyperventilating, his hands over his mouth. Craig grabbed Tweek's hand, and rubbed it.

"Calm down, OK? I'll walk you home."

Craig put on his yellow mittens, which he didn't usually wear but it was pretty cold at this hour. Red got up from her spot on the couch, and grinned at the two boys.

"I'm coming too," she casually invited herself. Was Craig  _ever_  going to get any alone time with Tweek?

"Sure," Craig huffed, and Tricia walked upstairs.

"Bring me back some snacks," she said as loudly as her voice could project in it's sick state.

Craig rolled his eyes, "fine. But only healthy snacks. I'm supposed to be taking care of you, not... the opposite." Craig walked over to the door, waiting for Red and Tweek.

"C'mon," he said, as Red grabbed her coat and Tweek walked over to Craig.

"Thanks," Tweek smiled, and Craig felt his stomach flip over.

"Yeah, of course." He said, opening the door as the three of them made their way to Tweek's house. It was currently half past seven, and it was thirty-five degrees out. Craig shoved his hands in his pockets, and looked down at the footprints he made in the snow. South Park was different at this hour, it was too quiet. Craig wasn't sure how to feel about it.

Craig never really got out of his house late as much as he used too. There would be the occasional party, sure, where he might be outside but it's been a while since he's really been outside. Looking up, he noticed the stars in the sky and looking left he could see the street lamps, lighting the way to Tweek's home. Taking in this beauty, it really reminded Craig of those times when he would play superheroes. That was when he truly got to appreciate South Park so late at night. He recalled never seeing South Park so dark; Craig would stay out so late that if he surely got caught his parents would be pissed.

Craig Tucker had only got caught a few times. It would be cool to say that he never got caught, but you can't always be lucky...

"What are you thinking about, Craig? What's in there?" Red knocked on Craig's forehead, pissing him off.

"It's nothing. Just stuff." Craig said, trying to be as vague as possible. That's how Craig Tucker ticked. He didn't need people knowing too much about him, he wasn't sure if he knew himself all that well anyways. There was only so many things you could be sure of.

They had eventually gotten to Tweek's house, where Tweek had opened his backpack, looking for something. After minutes of digging, he found what he was looking for. A Hello Kitty house key. Cute.

"Thanks for walking me home, Craig." Tweek hugged Craig, surprising him. Craig patted Tweek on the back, and loosened the hug.

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. No problem." Craig replied, feeling like an idiot.

"See... See you tomorrow!" Tweek shut the door, and Craig was smiling like an idiot.

"Bye, Tweek!" Red shouted, causing Craig to snap out of his thoughts. "Tweek is so cute."

Craig's eyes widened, as he looked at his cousin. "What, do you like him or something?" She stared at him in disbelief. Craig Tucker? Jealous?

Red laughed, as the two began walking back to Craig's house. "No! I know a cute guy when there is one. He's a keeper, Craig."

Craig was trying to process just what the hell Red meant by that, and shook his head. No. She couldn't be implying...

"So, when are you going home?" Craig asked, a blank expression back on his face as he clasped his hands together.

Red raised a brow, "eager to get rid of me?" She bent down, and grabbed a stick on the ground, swatting it in the air. "Well, I was actually thinking of spending the night." She said, then started to drag the stick in the snow.

Craig eyed her curiously. "On a  _school_  night?"

Red smiled, "oh come on, Craig. My dad will be thrilled to know I'm bonding with my cousins. Plus, he doesn't really have any time for me. He's gotta watch after the bar."

Craig wasn't sure what to say at the moment. What could he? "...Sorry?" He tried to be sympathetic, but it kinda failed and he felt like a jackass.

Red shook her head, "don't be. S' Not your fault." The two cousins arrived back at Craig's house, Craig noticed that the car was in the driveway, meaning that his parents must be home.

He knocked on the door, forgetting to bring a key. In the corner of his eye, Red stared at him. From what Craig knew about his cousin, he knew that she didn't do something without a reason. She always had a plan, a motive.

His mother answered the door, "oh hi Craig. Red, it's always nice to see you. Where did you go?"

Craig was making his way upstairs, "Tweek was over, and we walked him home." He was almost upstairs, but then he stopped himself, looking at Red who stood by the door, looking down. He sighed, taking a few steps back.

"Would it be alright if Red slept over?" Craig asked, and his mother looked up from her laptop, which she used at the dining table.

"On a  _school_  night?" Laura Tucker thought aloud, placing a hand on her chin. She looked at her niece, who gave her a shy smile. Tricia was also sort of sick, but... Craig did need to spend time with his cousin. Why, the two used to be so close when they were smaller!

"Well, alright." Craig's mom said, "she can sleep in your room, since Tricia's sick. Get her a sleeping bag from the closet, but don't stay up too late!"

Craig nodded, "we won't." Red grinned, as she followed him upstairs. Craig got a sleeping bag from the closet, and handed it to Red.

"Here," he said, just then Tricia walked out of her room, hands on her hips.

"Where are my snacks!" Tricia demanded, tapping her foot impatiently. Craig and Red looked at each other.

Craig kneeled down to face Tricia in the eyes, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I forgot."

The, the expected happened. Tricia flipped him off, and he flipped her off back. He ruffled her hair, much to Tricia's surprise. "I'll get you some tomorrow, damn." Craig went inside his room, where Red joined him, setting her sleeping bag down.

"First time sleeping over on a school night?" He asked, and Red shook her head.

"I slept over at Annie's house a few times." Red grinned, "her mom's the coolest."

"Oh." Craig scratched the top of his hat, then pulled out his laptop from under his bed. He had it on his lap and carefully he opened it, and was about to log on, but then his eyes fell on his cousin, who had her feet up in the air, and she appeared to be texting someone. Craig narrowed his eyes, and shut his laptop, placing it down on the bed.

"Alright Red. Why did you really come over here?" Craig asked, and Red looked up from her phone.

"What do you mean? I came over here because I wanted to hang out." She flipped her hair, and Craig shifted, choosing to sit on his knees.

"Bullshit. You haven't come over to hang out in a long time. Come on, you can tell me why." Craig looked at her, and Red frowned.

"It's stupid." Red admitted, and Craig rolled his eyes.

"No it's not, just tell me."

"...I was just worried about you, okay? Clyde was asking me about you, and it made me nervous. He made it sound like you were going through some stuff and I just..."

Craig rolled his eyes. Who wasn't worried about him nowadays? "You just what? You're here for me?"

Red raised an eyebrow at him, then stared at him angrily. "Of course I'm here for you! I'm not going anywhere. You're not alone, OK?" Red frowned, placing a hand on her chin, "I'm sorry. Am I wasting your time? I shouldn't be here, I knew it. God, I'm such an idiot."

Craig was shocked, not meaning to upset his cousin so much. Thoughtfully, he got down from his bed and walked over to his cousin. "Fuck, Red, are you...? Jesus, you're crying. God I don't, I didn't mean to..." He trailed off. He was such an asshole.

Red stared at him, wiping her own tears. "Fuck, no I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start crying." She sighed, "I hate crying in front of others. I usually just..."

Craig nodded, taking a few steps back back to sit on his bed, and kicked his feet in the air.

"I know you hate talking about your emotions." Red stated, and Craig continued to nod.

"Yeah, I do." Craig confirmed, and Red laid down on her sleeping bag, and turned to face the ceiling.

"But if you ever need to tell me something, I'm... you can trust me, OK?" She said, and Craig thought for just a moment, maybe he should tell her. It wouldn't hurt to tell her, right?

"Hey, um." Craig took off his hat, and Red jumped from her spot, now sitting in criss-cross apple sauce form. Craig immediately regretted speaking, but he felt like he could trust his cousin. Besides, he needed to get it off his chest.

"Can I tell you something?" Craig stared down at his hat, then placed it back on his head, his hair now sticking out like a mess.

Red nodded, "I said you could trust me, didnt I?"

Craig nodded back at her, and suddenly found the lamp by his bed very interesting. "I'm gay," he said, still looking at his lamp. He felt his face heat up. He's gay. Craig likes boys. There, he had finally said it after only thinking it. For as long as he could remember, he was gay, but only ever in theory. Now, because Craig confided in someone, he felt like it was fact. Craig Tucker, the world's gayest boy. Craig Tucker, homosexual. Craig is gay. Now that was something Craig could get used to saying.

Maybe feigning confidence was making Craig feel better, but to be honest after saying those words he felt like throwing up. He turned to look at his cousin, who was now looking at him in shock. Then, what happened next shocked Craig even more.

Red had started laughing. No, now she was pounding her firsts down on her sleeping bag. Soft  _thump, thumps_ , filled the room as she continued hitting the ground between her fits of laughter.

Craig had extremely mixed feelings about this, and stared at her angrily. "What the hell is so fucking funny?" Craig couldn't believe this! He shared something so personal with her, and he was expecting many different reactions when telling someone, but this hadn't been one of them.

"No, fuck, oh my god this looks so bad-" Red calmed down, wiping a tear from her eye. "Sorry, holy shit do I look like an insensitive prick."

Craig stared at her, in disbelief. "You are!"

Red sighed, feeling dizzy from all that laughing. "Shit, Craig. I'm sorry, I just thought it was funny because, well, I'm also gay."

Craig stared at her, in even more disbelief. "What?" He blinked, and processed what she had just said.

They were  _both_  the gay cousins.

"Woah," Craig thought aloud. "What the fuck."

"When did you realize?" Red asked, then covered her mouth. "Sorry, you don't have to answer that."

"No, it's." Craig looked down, "It's okay. I kind of realized, because well..." He looked up, thinking for a moment. He never really was attracted to any girls. He had a few fourth grade relationships with girls, but Craig was the absolute worst when it came to relationships, especially since he didn't really feel any sort of attraction towards girls, but he did toy with the idea that he was  _gay,_  but...

The only gay people in town had been Mr. Garrison, Big Gay Al, and Mr. Slave, and they had been looked down upon for being overtly sexual and flamboyant (in Big Gay Al's case, he was really mostly just flamboyant). Craig didn't feel "gay", he didn't act like them, so he couldn't be, right?

But no, Craig Tucker truly liked boys. And if he ever came out, then surely he would be made fun of for it. Wait, what did Red ask again? Oh right, when he realized he was gay.

"I realized I was gay because... girls are ugly and they stink." Red threw a pillow in his face, and Craig laughed. "Okay, that was a joke."

"A bad one," Red pointed out, and Craig threw the pillow so that it would land beside Red.

"But yeah, no. I think I've just always sort of known?" Craig laid down in his bed, resting his head underneath his pillow and arms.

"Yeah," Red placed the pillow under her head and started to lay down. "Me too. I have a crush on Annie Knitts." Red then laughed, "wow. That's the first time I've admitted that out loud. Red Knitts. Annie Tucker? I better shut up now. Goodnight, Craig."

Red shut her eyes, tossing and turning until she felt comfortable. At Red's confession, Craig couldn't help but think how funny it was. His dad, Red, and him... They all had a thing for blondes.

Craig sighed, and lifted his blanket over him, and couldn't help but feel happy. He thought of telling Red he was glad he told her, but she appeared to be out cold. Oh well, Red was smart. She would know.

* * *

Craig Tucker woke up in the middle of the night, and his stomach screamed at him. To say that Craig was hungry would be the understatement of the century. He heard his phone vibrate on his desk, and sighed. It was probably Clyde blowing up the group chat with stupid videos again. Craig must've forgotten to mute the chat. With a sigh, Craig reached for his phone.

Clyde had sent a bunch of "epic fail compilations", and the last one he sent was at 1AM. Craig checked the time and noticed it was 3AM. Then, the rest of the messages were Clyde and Token arguing about how Clyde 'can't keep doing this' and that he needed to 'go to bed'. The latest was from Tweek, who had told Token to just 'mute the chat' and then Jimmy had sent homework answers, to which he then texted 'oops wrong chat lel'.

Craig decided to intervene, and began typing out a message.

_hey u guys busy tomorrow_

Clyde was the first to respond, of course.

_no of courz not buddy... where we headin_

Craig rolled his eyes, but then sent him a reply.

_i was just thinking that maybe we could all go to taco bell and try out that new chicken quesadilla box. if u guys are up for it_

Tweek responded next...

_o sure craig, i'd love to go!_

For some reason, the chat was eerily silent. Too silent for Craig's liking, little did Craig know what his other friends were up to...

* * *

As soon as Clyde saw Tweek's response, Clyde knew what he had to do. He had to be the ultimate bro. The ultimate wingman.

He texted Token and Jimmy outside the group chat, telling them to 'get on discord. NOW!' To which they did not respond, though they  _did_  comply. Clyde had made a new server in which Craig and Tweek were not in, and then waited a few minutes for his bros to join.

Token joined first, followed shortly by Jimmy. Token typed a quick 'what are you doing' in the chat, before Clyde started a video call. They needed to talk about this, face to face.

_Clyde Donobro channed the channel name: Operation Twaig_

Token and Jimmy joined the video call, and Token was the first to speak.

"Clyde, what are you doing? And what the heck's a  _Twaig?"_ Token asked, crossing his arms, as he sat up in his bed.

_Jimmy Funnyman channed the channel name: Operation Creek_

"Oh, nice one man. Rolls off the tongue better." Clyde said, and Jimmy nodded.

"Y-y-yeah it... Y-yeah it... Th-Thought I could do you one better." Jimmy said, and Clyde nodded. Jimmy was a genius.

"What's going on?" Token asked, and Clyde clasped his hands together.

"What I'm getting at, fellas... Is that we can't go to Taco Bell tomorrow."

Token lifted a brow, "why's that?" And Jimmy shook his head.

"Don't you suh, see Token?" Jimmy asked, and Token shook his head in confusion.

"They both are obviously in love with each other. We need to help them out." Clyde proposed, and Token was still lost.

"Wait, WHO is in love with each other?" Token asked. Ah, Token. The bearer of questions.

"Craig and, T-Tweek. Duh." Jimmy said, and Token seemed to be thinking hard for a moment.

"Yes. So I was thinking, one of us can't make it. The other two of us CAN but then something comes up."

Jimmy snapped his fingers, "I got it. Token can't make it, and then we. We u-uh... We g-get d-detention."

"Jimmy, does your genius know no bounds?" Clyde asked, a delightful expression on his face. Jimmy grinned, his smile lighting up the video call.

"I a-also do stand up."

"Right. So you guys know the plan, right? Token, you can't make it." Clyde waved his hands in the air at Token, who seemed to be deep in thought.

"What? Oh right. Got it. Can't make it." Token snapped out of his thoughts, "well I'm logging off now guys. See you in the group chat."

"See ya." Jimmy said, then the two logged out. Clyde couldn't help but think he had the best friends a guy could ask for.

* * *

_thts awesome tweek. what about the rest of u_

That was what Craig had typed, fifteen minutes ago. Nobody had said anything. He was sure Tweek was thinking they must've died or something. I don't know, it  _seemed_  like something Tweek would think. The suddenly, Token responded.

_sorry my mom said no._

Weird. Token ended the sentence with a period and everything. I guess that's how Craig knew Token was serious. Craig typed a quick ' _tht sucks_ ', after that, Clyde replied.

_oh man that's a bummer! luckily, the clydester can still make it to the party_

Jimmy then responded next.

_I can make it as well! cn't wait :)_

Wow. Token wouldn't know what he was missing. Craig smiled as he wrote down his next message.

_see u guys after school then_

Craig muted the group chat afterwords, just in case, and set his phone down. He turned and saw Red stirring in his sleep. For the first time in a while, Craig felt OK. Not entirely great, still feeling kind of jaded... but overall, he was OK.

Craig turned to sleep on his side, and began to fall asleep. Tomorrow he had a big day ahead of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah... what do y'all think lmao


	6. Craig Is Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Red get ready for school. Meanwhile, Stan and Kyle are back at school and are acting weirder than before. What the heck is going on?

"Psst, Craig. Wake the fuck up." Craig stirred in his sleep, and groaned. For a second, he thought it was his mom, but then realized his mom hasn't woken him up since middle school.

"What...?" Craig mumbled, his eyes fluttering open. It was Red, and her hair was a mess.

"Wow." Craig rubbed his eyes, "you have the worst bedhead." Which was not necessarily true. That title obviously belonged to Tweek.

"And you sleep with your hat. Now get up. School starts in like, thirty minutes." Red walked out of the room, presumably to look for a brush.

"There's a brush in Tricia's room," Craig said as Red left the room, and stretched.

Red nodded, and walked into Tricia's room, and Tricia groaned at the squeak of the door. Apparently Tricia was a light sleeper. Tricia's eyes widened, as she saw Red and gasped.

Red turned to look at the shorter girl, and raised a brow. "What?"

Tricia got up from her bed, and sat on the floor. Criss-cross apple sauce style.

"Let me do your hair." Was all Tricia said, and Red made a face, but nodded.

"Okay?" Red replied, saying it like a question.

Craig heard a scream come from Tricia's room, but chose not to question it. He looked in the mirror, choosing to fix his hair with his hands. He flapped his hat in the air, then placed it neatly on his head. There, all better. He went to his drawers, and got out a vintage Terrence and Phillip shirt and some black pants. He quickly got changed into these clothes, then went into his closet to get one of his many blue jackets. He slipped it on, a casual Craig Tucker look. He should get this look trademarked.

Red burst into Craig's room, her hair parted to the side, and clipped with a bow. Her hair also seemed to be curled, and she appeared to be wearing some of Tricia's clothes, that their mom got her but they had been too big for her. An orange plaid skirt, with a matching faded cheesy poof t-shirt. Craig stared at her in disbelief.

"Oh  _wow."_ Craig said, stifling a laugh. "Another victim fallen to Tricia's games of dress-up."

Red rolled her eyes, "whatever! It's not like I had anything else to wear. Didn't exactly plan on sleeping over. But I'm glad I did to be honest."

Craig got his backpack, which he had laid carelessly on the ground. "Yeah. Me too." Craig walked downstairs, as Red retrieved her phone which she left in her sleeping bag.

Craig looked at the time, it was 7:15. Tweek must be freaking out by now, as school started in fifteen minutes and Craig was nowhere in sight. Quickly, he pulled out his phone and sent Tweek a message.

_going to be a bit late. but see ya soonish_

Craig shoved his phone into his jacket pocket, and walked into the kitchen, looking for anything to eat. He opened up a drawer, and found a bag of jalapeno cheesy poofs. They were probably the grossest flavor of cheesy poofs there is, but Craig was too tired and hungry to care.

"Red!" Craig called, "are you going to school?"

"Yes, yes!" Red snapped back, as she dashed downstairs. Craig's phone vibrated in his pocket, and he pulled out his phone to check. It was a new message from Tweek, which Craig had expected.

_OK thank u for telling me! :) See you!_

Craig smiled, and Red raised her eyebrows, a knowing grin on her face. "Tweek messaging you, and so early in the morning?"

Craig's smile dropped instantly. "Hey, how did you... Is it THAT obvious?" Craig asked, and though he had no emotions he was freaking out. If he was obviously, then Tweek must've known that Craig liked him. Tweek must be disgusted with him. And if Tweek knew, it was only a matter of time before his dad knew, and Craig couldn't... Couldn't have that... How would he react?

"Relax, Jesus. You should see your face. I'm a girl, and I know these things. Plus, I view the world with a gay lens too, remember?" Red flipped her hair, must've been some sort of habit for her. She did it a lot, Craig noticed. She walked over by the door, and retrieved her backpack from the ground.

Craig's face heated up. "Don't say that word out loud." He mumbled, looking down and Red eyed him curiously, but didn't comment.

Craig was about to leave with Red, but then remembered something important. "Tricia!" He called as loudly as he could, earning a "what," in response.

"Feed Stripe before you go to school for me, OK?" Craig held onto his backpack straps. "Please?"

"Ya, sure! Whatever!" Tricia responded, and Craig nodded, though she couldn't see him. Red opened the door, and the two were off. This is how Craig often spent his mornings, he usually didn't see his parents until after school if even.

* * *

The walk to Tweek's house was as usual, a short one. The three of them ended up running to school, and Craig apologized to Tweek. He did so about five times, much to Tweek's surprise who said it was OK in the first place. He didn't mind being late to school if he got to walk there with his best friend, and also enjoyed the company of his proud cousin.

Art passed like a breeze, Craig actually beginning to somewhat like his artwork, even if it didn't exactly resemble a plant. It was supposed to be an observational piece, but Craig kind of just went with it. Adding his own little details that weren't there, because at this point Craig couldn't be bothered with following instructions.

Clyde would occasionally throw in some comments about how Craig's piece was cool, but not nearly as awesome as his. He told it was OK, because no one's art could compare to the master artist's Clyde's work. Leave it to Clyde to be competitive about something as peaceful as art.

Bebe and Wendy were talking to each other the entire period, and Craig couldn't be bothered to listen. While he was definitely going to Bebe's party, he didn't really want to get too involved in Wendy's drama, because that would also mean getting involved in Stan and Kyle's drama. He wasn't about to go near those two, it was bad enough they went to the same school as him anyways. He practically saw them everyday, considering how easy it was to bump into them. Again, South Park was a small town, making South Park High School a pretty small school.

Geometry there was a sub, and according to the whispers among students, this had been the second day in a row. They were assigned a packet to complete by the end of the period, and Craig being the math genius he was, finished early. Curiously, from his seat in the front row, he scanned across the room. He saw Red working diligently, and noticed how she would stop every few seconds to check her phone. He noticed Butters just staring at him, to which Craig responded by flipping him the bird. Then, he saw Token, who sat in the middle. He was staring out the window, deep in thought. Craig wondered what was going on with him, he seemed pretty dang sad.

Disheartened, Craig pulled out his earbuds and listened to music on his phone for the remainder of the period. As soon as the bell rung, Craig sprung up, waiting by the classroom door for Token.

"Hey man," Craig said as Token walked up. "You OK?"

Token blinked, snapping out of his thoughts. "Huh? Oh yeah, fine. Just thinking." Token bit his lip, and Craig couldn't help but thinking how Token was following the three C's. Three rules which Craig and Token followed almost religiously. He wasn't calm, cool,  _or_  collected. Then suddenly, it hit Craig.

"Hey man. If you're upset about not being able to go to Taco Bell, it's fine. We can always go together some other time, OK?"

Token frowned, but nodded. "Yeah, yeah. That's why I'm upset. Sorry, I guess I was just..."

Craig laughed, as deadpan as ever, "hungry?"

Token nodded, and groaned, but a smile was now on his face. "Yeah, and ugh. The cafeteria food is so gross."

"I know. We should riot or something. I don't even think most of the stuff they serve us is even meant to be consumed."

"Right?" Token agreed, as the two walked into the cafeteria, Token walking ahead of him. Craig felt a weight lifted off his shoulders, but then he realized, it was because a weight was literally lifted  _off_  his shoulders. Craig turned around, and found what appeared to be Kyle who grabbed Craig's backpack. Craig sighed, dejectedly.

"What."

"We need to talk." Kyle stared at the boy with anger in his eyes, " _now._ "

Craig rolled his eyes, and suddenly, Stan was running over to them. "There you are! Jesus fucking Christ Craig, who do you think you are spreading rumors about me and Kyle being  _gay?_ "

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You have to have some sort of idea. If Cartman didn't do it, then it has to have been you." Stan pointed at Craig accusingly, and Craig stared at his Table in the corner of his eye. He saw a confused Token, sitting next to a shaken Tweek. Clyde and Jimmy joined them, but their eyes were on him.

"Look, first you guys switch bodies, and now you think I started those dumb rumors? Look, if I haven't made it increasingly obvious. I don't want to be apart of your guys' dumb. drama. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go sit with my friends." Craig snatched his backpack from Kyle, then started walking away, and Stan and Kyle looked dumbfounded.

"...Switch bodies?" Stan asked, and Kyle glared at Craig.

"What the fuck is he talking about?" Kyle pulled at his hat in anger. "God, I hate Craig!"

Stan stared at Kyle, "me too dude. He's not even making any sense. I think if we switched bodies, we would know."

Stan and Kyle made their way to their table, where Cartman and Butters sat. "You know, I always knew Craig was a stoner." Kyle said, sitting down, sand began to stare dejectedly at the lunch tray in front of him. Stan sighed, as he sat down next to him, joining him in solemnly looking down at his food.

"What's got you fags so depressed?" Cartman asked, while munching on his fried chicken.

Kyle sighed, "Cartman?"

Cartman smiled, and laughed, "yeah?"

"Shut up."

Butters stared at them nervously pounding his knuckles together, as Cartman frowned, then furrowed his brows angrily. "Hey! Don't get pissed off at me just because you guys' relationship is on the rocks. Not my fault the whole school hates your fucking relationship. You guys did that on your own."

"Cartman, we're not gay, alright? How many times do we have to fucking say it!" Stan pinched the bridge of his nose, getting pretty tired of Cartman acting like he knew what he was talking about. Nothing was making any sense anymore. Today he showed up to school and suddenly everyone is pissed off at both him and Kyle, for him cheating on Wendy with Kyle? He doesn't understand what the hell is going on, and suddenly Craig is telling him him and Kyle switched bodies. Yeah, right.

"I just don't get why Craig would tell us that we switched bodies," Kyle tapped his fingers against the table, in thought. "But what I really don't get is why everyone seems to think, that you and I..." Kyle glanced in Stan's direction, and the two nodded. Butters kept nudging his knuckles together, and he seemed to be more nervous than ever. Stan stared at Butters with slight concern.

"Uh, dude, Butters, you OK?" Stan asked. Butters nodded, too quickly, obviously not okay.

"Just dandy!" Butters said, his eyes darting across the cafeteria. Anxiously, Butters got up, holding onto his tray, "listen fellas, I gotta run. I don't feel good. I'm going to the nurse's office."

Stan and Kyle looked at each other. "Should we go with you?" Stan asked, and Cartman laughed.

"Oh wow. Already using 'we' statements I see." Cartman continued to laugh, that horrible, obnoxious laugh.

"Shut up, fatass." Kyle glared at Eric.

"No," Butters shook his head. "I'll go by myself." Butters dashed out of the cafeteria, like an absolute madman. Eric had stopped laughing and looked at his two other friends, who in turn looked at him. Basically, they were all looking at each other, wondering what was up with him. They dropped it, almost immediately, too fed up in their own problems to care.

* * *

After school, Craig waited in front of the school's gates, leaning against the fence, looking all cool and shit. He was waiting for his friends, this was it. He was finally going to eat that Crispy Chicken Quesadilla box. He felt his phone buzz in his jacket pocket, and then he saw, a text in the group chat. It was from Clyde.

_me n jims got in trouble 4 flipping off our chem. teach... now we both have detention 2day... :/ tf craig ur such a bad influence_

Craig raised a brow, and typed down a quick response.

_i should be proud, but why today of all days_

Clyde responded lightning fast, surprisingly fast for someone who should be in detention right now.

_but hey, i think tweek can still make it. cant u tweek?_

Craig looked around, surveying the areas. He saw Tweek, who had this beautiful smile on his face. Craig knew that Tweek's last period, Theatre, was one of his favorite classes. It always melted his heart to see Tweek look so happy, the way his eyes lit up, not from nervousness but from happiness. For a boy who was so anxious all the time, he sure did feel comfortable on the stage.

Wait, what was he thinking about? Craig totally lost his train of thought. Something about Carl's Jr., or something... No, that had been... was it only yesterday?

"Hey!" Tweek waved, making his way over to Craig. "Just saw the messages in the group chat. I can understand if you want reschedule, or..."

"No!" Craig said, almost too quickly, and mentally kicked himself in the head. "I mean, we can still go. If you want." Fuck, why was he acting so awkward?

Tweek smiled awkwardly, "oh yeah. I'd love to. Go to Taco Bell with you, I mean." Tweek scratched the back of his head nervously, and Craig felt himself smile. There he went, for some reason whenever he was around Tweek he couldn't help himself. His emotions just had to get the best of him, and here he was. Making a complete fool of himself. Tweek was probably feeling so uncomfortable right now. Craig snapped out of his thoughts, no he couldn't be thinking like this. He had to hold back.

"Awesome," Craig said and cringed. When did he ever say the word awesome? Did he always say the word awesome? He must've sounded like an idiot right now. "Let's go, come on." Craig began to walk side by side with Tweek, and Craig wondered if this could be considered a date. Probably not.

He had no idea what was in store for him at that subsidiary of yum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like, the shortest chapter so far lol... only 2,662 words... next chapter will DEFINITELY be longer though....  
> so yeah. tell me what u think. im having fun writing this story, but i might not update for a while because my BIRTHDAY IS ON THE 9TH AND IM SUPER EXCITED!!! so yeah just a heads up. oh yeah. and i actually tried that crispy chicken quesadilla box earlier. it was ok. thats all i have to say about it, really.


	7. Craig is On a Date!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Token is confused, Clyde has a plan, and Jimmy is awesome. Meanwhile, Craig and Tweek go to Taco Bell and learn things about each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my birthday was AWESOME i got cool socks B) anyways this chapter was fun to write.

Lately, Token had not been feeling like his usual, confident self. But he couldn't exactly pinpoint what got him so down. His grades were good, his parents loved him, and he had really amazing friends. So, what was his problem then? With a sigh, he walked out of his last class, the shrill of the bell piercing through his ears.

As he walked out to the front of the school, an arm from a nearby bush grabbed him, pulling him down, and he was laying on the grass next to one of his closest friends, Clyde Donovan.

"Token! What's up!" Clyde beamed, and Token's demeanor changed, his features brightening and he felt somewhat happier. Clyde just seemed to have the affect on people, or atleast Token thought so.

"Oh, hey." Token greeted, then shook his head. Wait, now hold on a  _minute,_  why the hell did Clyde grab pull him into the bushes? Ugh, he wasn't thinking straight.

Before Token could speak, a shadow cast over the two, and Token looked up to find Jimmy hovering over them.

"H-hey fellas. You ready to do this, or w-what?"

Token looked at Clyde, then at Jimmy. "Do  _what?"_

Clyde punched Token on the shoulder, lightly, "spy on Craig and Tweek. Duh. Come on, dude." Clyde got up from his spot on the ground, and wiped his pants down. Token got up, and did the same.

The three of them began walking, and they crossed the street from the school and from the corner of his eyes, he could see Craig and Tweek on the other side of the street. They appeared to be talking to each other, fumbling over ever word, and Clyde sighed dreamily as he watched the two.

"Isn't it beautiful, guys?" Clyde asked, and Token raised a brow. For the past two days, Token felt really confused, but now he was more confused than ever.

"Clyde, what makes you so sure that Craig likes Tweek like that?" Token asked, and Clyde shook his head slowly.

"Ah, Token. I know, because well." Clyde stopped walking for a moment, and striked a thinking pose. The rest of the boys stopped to, looking at him. Clyde smiled, and continued walking and Jimmy and Token did too. They were silent for a longer while, and Token glared at him.

"Well?" He asked, and Clyde shook his head once more.

"What can I say? He's one of my best friends, and I can just tell."

"Oh." Token thought aloud, and they continued walking in silence. Then suddenly, from across the street, Craig was about to turn around and face them. When Token noticed, he shoved the rest of his friends inside a nearby shop, and sighed.

"Guys, he almost saw us." Token said, and Clyde gasped.

"Oh fuck. Really? Damn, if Craig found out we were liars then he'd be pissed for sure. Then again, we'll probably laugh about this in a few weeks, when Tweek and Craig are finally a couple..." Clyde appeared to be in thought. Craig would definitely be pissed. Everyone just knew.

From across the street, Craig felt like there was something he should be pissed about. Ah, whatever. He turned to see if anything was behind him, having this feeling that someone was watching them. He did see Token run inside a boutique from across the street, and Craig halted. Shouldn't Token be at home, mourning the fact that his mother wouldn't let him come? Staring at a boutique, it was one of those really nice ones, that Craig couldn't help but wonder why it was even in South Park in the first place. Maybe Token had a...date? He didn't really have much of those since he broke off with his girlfriend in the eighth grade, though at least him and Nichole had stayed friends.

Craig shrugged, it didn't concern him right now. Right now, he was with Tweek, and the two continued walking in what Craig hoped was a  _comfortable_  silence. Eventually the dynamic duo were standing right in front of Taco Bell, it's bright colors lighting up Craig's world. Home.

"Well, let's." Craig said, opening the door to the fine establishment. A lone worker stood behind the counter. Tweek and Craig shared a look, then walked over towards the counter.

"Two chicken quesadilla boxes, please." Craig said, and Tweek tapped his shoulder.

"Actually, could I get the Chicken Quesarito box?" Tweek asked, and Craig stared at him, mouth agape. What?

"Certainly. One chicken quesadilla box, and one quesarito box..." The cashier confirmed. He seemed lifeless, emotionless, and just plain empty. Craig couldn't help but relate.

"Your total is $10.17." The cashier nodded, and Craig pulled out two fives and a quarter. Tweek eyed him curiously, he could pay for himself! Still, Tweek couldn't help but find Craig's actions incredibly sweet.

The cashier stared down at Craig's receipt in horror, before handing it to him. "H...here you go. You guys enjoy, I mean - I'll go get your boxes."

"Jesus, what's up with him?" Tweek asked, as they sat down in a booth in the corner.

"I don't know. Any reason why you didn't get the chicken quesadilla box? Just curious." Craig asked, and Tweek fumbled with his hands.

"Ah, well... I'm kinda comfortable with the quesarito, y'know? It's familiar. I don't know. I guess I'm just not ready to try something new," Tweek let out a sigh, "I don't like change."

"Huh," was all that Craig said, and he stared out the window. It was something Craig did often: staring out of windows. Only, he gasped as he saw Token, Clyde, and Jimmy on the other side of the street, hiding inconspicuously behind a bush. Only, Jimmy's crutches were sticking out, and Clyde's head kept popping out, and Token shoved Clyde down. Then, a thought made it's way through Craig's mind. Holy fuck. They were...

"They're spying on us," Craig thought, and Tweek looked at him in shock.

"WHAT!" Tweek asked, "who's spying on us? Jesus, is someone trying to kill us?"

Craig's eyes widened. Holy fuck? Did he say that out  _loud?_ He didn't mean to. It had just slipped, and now Tweek was freaking out. Oh shit.

"What, no. I just..." Craig stared out the window, they weren't behind the bushes anymore, at least, it looked like it. "I just thought I saw someone out there. I'm sorry, Tweek." Craig grabbed Tweek's hand before Tweek could pull at his own hair. Tweek seemed a bit more calmer now, though he still shook lightly.

"Oh, uh." Tweek eyes' darted around nervously. "OK."

Suddenly, the cashier who stood behind the counter stood right in front of them, a tray with two boxes in his hands, and Tweek jumped and yelped, "AGH!"

The cashier ignored Tweek's scream, and placed the tray down at their table. "Your boxes, sirs."

"Oh, fuck, thanks." Craig said, and was confused. Then, he pinpointed the source of his confusion: when the hell did Taco Bell bring your order to your fucking table?

The two boys began to dig in, Craig starting with his tacos first. He wanted to save the best for last. Tweek eyed Craig's chicken quesadilla, and he smiled awkwardly. "Hey, um..." Craig looked up at him, and Tweek had his full attention.

"Yeah?"

"Can I have a bite of your chicken quesadilla, if you don't mind?" Tweek asked, smiling at the boy. Craig stared at him. He wouldn't say no, but still, he wondered.

"Thought you didn't like change."

Tweek avoided eye contact, "yeah, but I think I'd like to try. Please?" Craig handed the chicken quesadilla over, "just a bite," Craig reminded Tweek and the blond nodded.

Tweek took a bite, and grimaced. "It taste... pretty rubbery."

Craig's eyes widened, "what?" Craig grabbed the chicken quesadilla from Tweek's hands, and took a bite of it. The sauce was good, I mean, it was Taco Bell so it was pretty dang saucy. The cheese was super good too, but the chicken, oh the chicken...

"Uh, thanks for letting me try it anyways." Tweek said, and went back to eating his quesarito. Craig was disappointed, and sighed. Oh well. He shrugged, taking a bite of his chicken quesadilla. He payed five dollars for it, so he was going to eat it anyways. Still, he wouldn't be happy about it.

"I guess it's a learning experience," Craig said in-between bites. Tweek nodded, and Craig finished. It wasn't that bad. Craig could probably get used to the taste. Craig glanced out the window, and noticed his three fucking idiot friends were back by the bushes, only now Clyde was staring at them with binoculars.

Then it hit Craig. The food, the booth, they sat across from each other... The lies, and excuses... Fuck, Jimmy and Clyde were supposed to be in detention, and Token was supposed to be at home... But now, it was so obvious. And it was so obviously Clyde's shit idea too.

"My god, they're setting us up." Craig thought, and Tweek's eyes widened. Oh no. Oh no, no no no no. He did NOT seriously say that out-

"WAIT who's setting us up? What do you  _mean?_  Is someone trying to kill us?" Tweek set down his quesarito, and stared at Craig in shock.

"No! Nobody's trying to kill us." Craig waved his hands in the air, shaking his head. "No. Um. Look outside... the window." Craig smacked his forehead, and Tweek did as Craig instructed. He gasped.

"That's  _CLYDE!_  What is he doing here? He's supposed to be at detention, and fuck there's Token and Jimmy too..." Tweek's voice faltered as he finished, realization dawning on him.

"Is this a date?" Tweek began to shake, and pulled at his hair. "Oh FUCK! You're probably so pissed, Clyde is an idiot, and this is all my fault, why did I even-" Craig grabbed onto Tweek's hands, his eyes' widening. What the fuck was happening?

"No! I'm not pissed." Craig said, then shook his head. "No wait. I am pissed. At Clyde, Token, and Jimmy. And yes, you're right Clyde is an idiot."

Craig let go of Tweek's hands, and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. It wasn't like him, Craig Tucker to be so flustered but here was this very anxious blond making him be just that. Flustered. "I wouldn't mind if this were... a date."

"R-really?" Tweek asked, and he still looked very nervous, but he stopped shaking now. All Craig could do was nod.

"Uh, yeah. I actually like you a lot, so..." Craig stopped himself before he could say anything more stupid. Was this ACTUALLY happening? Thinking about it, Craig never imagined their first date at Taco Bell. But right now, he didn't care if their first date was at Taco Bell or Disneyland; Taco Bell felt like the most romantic place on earth at the moment since he was with Tweek.

"Oh my god." Tweek laughed awkwardly. "I like you, and you like me. Wow. Oh my god, um." They sat there in silence, and they continued to eat there boxes in silence, but food was the last thing on Craig's mind right now. They looked up from their food and glanced at each other from time to time, and as soon as they finished, Craig stared at Tweek with a loving gaze.

"Hey, can I try something?"

Tweek stared at him, a sweet smile on his face. He nodded slowly, and before he knew it, Craig's lips were on Tweek's. Tweek's eyes widened, It was a quick peck, and their lips parted almost instantly. Tweek's face was flushed and he brought his hands to his cheeks. At this moment, Craig didn't even care to think about how his dad would literally hate him for this. All he cared about was Tweek.

The two stared at each other for a while, and Tweek couldn't control the smile on his face from widening. He had just gotten his first kiss, and it was from Craig. This was what he had dreamed of for so long.

Muttering 'oh wows' to himself, Tweek looked down, but his eyes were on the boy in front of him. They both just stayed like that for a while, until the cashier from behind the counter cleared his throat. Tweek gasped, staring in the direction of the cashier.

"Holy fuck, he's been watching us, and-"

Craig turned to face the direction of the cashier, and did what a Tucker did best. Extending out his middle finger, he flipped him off, and the cashier stared at him with wide eyes.

"Who cares? Fuck him. Let's get out of here," Craig said, and the two stood up, Tweek carrying their tray of scraps, throwing the scraps in the trash can and placing the tray on top. Craig was waiting by the door, his arm extended, and his hand desperately waiting to be held by Tweek's. The two still couldn't believe this was happening.

Tweek and Craig left the Taco Bell, hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god some of the dialogue in this chapter makes me cry... not becuase it's sad but because i think it is so funny/dumb. tweek's freakin "I don't like change" speech ...ohmygod  
> sooooooooooooo tell me what u think!


	8. Craig Is Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde and Token have an argument, while Jimmy is confused. Tweek and Craig further develop their relationship. Things happen.

Clyde kept popping his head from behind the bushes, and Token had to push his head down.

"Dude, you need to _stop."_ Token said, as he gently pushed Clyde's head down, "I'm pretty sure they already saw us by now and - Jimmy, dude, your crutches are hanging out of the bushes."

"Oh sh-, oh sh-sh... Oh fuck." Jimmy scooched into a comfortable position, trying to make himself hidden as possible. Taco Bell lied across the street now, and the three stooges were examining Tweek and Craig's date, which seemed to be going...

Well in all honestly, they weren't completely sure. Craig kept looking out the window in their direction so it was making to hard for them to pay too much attention to them to be completely honest.

"We are s-so f-f-fucked." Jimmy frowned.

Clyde shook his head in disagreement, "no, way guys. Come on, I doubt Craig even saw us."

"He's literally looking in our direction! Jimmy's right; we're fucked." Token threw his hands in the air, and the two boys stood up.

"Come on, Token. You're acting really paranoid, it's not like you." Clyde placed a hand on Token's shoulder. "Something wrong, dude?"

"Is something _wrong?"_  Token asked, not in retort but like he was actually shocked Clyde had said that. Token looked down, "look, I don't... I don't..."

"W-we're all h-here for you, man. You have been a-acting l-like a, l-l-like uh... l-little b-bitch." Jimmy pointed out, and Token frowned.

"I don't..." Token groaned, "Ugh, Clyde, you're such an asshole." Token said angrily and started walking away, and Clyde stared at him, frowning angrily.

"I'm an  _asshole?"_ Clyde was shocked, all he ever was was nice to his friends, and then Token just, okay... So it wouldn't have been the first time Clyde was called an asshole, but it was usually in such a joking manner, and they all laughed about it, none of his friends ever said it with such... such  _malignance!_

"How am I an asshole? You're one of my best friends, Token. If there's something I've said that hurt you, then tell me!" Tears began forming in Clyde's eyes, and Jimmy backed away, frowning, afraid that a full blown fight was going on. In the corner of his eye, Jimmy saw Tweek freaking out in the Taco Bell, and Craig and him appeared to be deep in conversation.

"It's not something you've said!" Token fell apart, and couldn't hold it in anymore. "It's just you! You're always so nice to me, and you're always touching my shoulder, and..." Calm, cool, collected... Calm, cool, collected. Wait, fuck, he's been acting like a complete dick to Clyde, and now he went and opened his mouth, and if Clyde wasn't as oblivious as he acted he could easily fit the puzzle pieces together, and... oh my god.

"Uh, fellas..." Jimmy's head was spinning. There was so much going on all at once, that he was beginning to freak out a bit himself. Two of his best friends were arguing, and feelings were coming into play... as his other friends, from across the street's lips had just parted from what seemed to be a quick peck on the lips.

"Not now, Jimmy!" Clyde shushed Jimmy, "Token, what are you  _saying?"_ Clyde stared at Token with wide eyes. He had a feeling what Token was talking about, but he hoped that's all it was. A 'feeling'. Feelings weren't always right. Feelings were often misinterpreted.

"I'm..." Token sighed, "I'm -  _fuck_  - I'm in love with  _you_  Clyde. I've only started to notice it recently, but I can't hold it in any longer. I've liked you for a long time now." Token clasped his hands together, and turned away from Clyde. He couldn't look at him. Clyde was the straightest person Token ever had the pleasure of meeting, and now his most-likely bi heart was crushed into pieces.  _Fuck,_  he really liked his best friend, and  _double fuck,_  he was straight.

Clyde took a step back, his eye's widened and his arms flailed. "What?" Was all Clyde could say, as he stared at Token in horror, then at Jimmy who watched the two with his mouth agape. His eyes were now darting everywhere, looking for some sense in the world. Why would Token tell him this? He was in a committed relationship with his girlfriend, Bebe, for Christ's sake! What was even happening right now?

"Hey guys," Craig greeted them from the other side of the bush, his hand holding onto Tweek's. Tweek looked at Clyde and Token, who snapped their heads in Craig's direction, and Tweek couldn't help but feel like they were interrupting something.

"Fuck, bye!" Token said, running off into the opposite direction, out of sight...

Craig looked at Tweek, who looked at him in return. Jimmy still appeared to be in an annoyingly confused state. Token liked Clyde, and Clyde was with Bebe... at least Tweek and Craig were together since they've kissed, right?

Clyde stared at Craig, still frowning, he tried to smile, but it fell almost instantly. "Oh, hey Craig." Clyde stared at Craig's hand, seeing it was being held by Tweek's. "You guys... together?"

Craig was surprised by Clyde's unusually unhappy demeanor, Clyde was almost always so happy and acting like a complete goofball and douche that seeing Clyde like this, well... Well, it was completely different to be honest. Craig almost felt bad that he came over here to kick Clyde's ass, in the most lovingly and friendly way possible.

"What the fuck just happened?" Craig asked, looking at his two friends, one very unhappy and other who appeared to be very shocked and confused. Tweek frowned, holding Craig closer.

"W-why did Token leave? Is he OK?" Tweek frowned, looking in the direction Token left.

Clyde shrugged, "don't know." Clyde said, with the attitude of someone who did know, but did not want to talk about it. Clyde sighed dejectedly, and began to walk away. Craig raised a brow, he was beginning to feel concerned.

"Hey, where are you going?" Craig asked, and Clyde turned to face them.

"Home," Clyde said, which was again, unlike Clyde. Usually Clyde would spend as much time around his friends as humanly possible (meaning until his dad called him to get his butt home), but here he was now... walking home. Poor Clyde, when he got home he would probably go and stare at a wall and think about life, or something. I don't know.

"You guys have fun, later." Clyde said, waving them a quick goodbye, and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"...OK, seriously Jimmy, what's going on?" Craig asked, and Jimmy let out a long sigh.

"Honestly, fellas? I don't... I d-don't... what the f-fuck." Jimmy frowned, "I have n-n-no idea. I'm g-going to go home and l-lie down for a bit."

"Well, we'll... we'll walk with you!" Tweek offered, and Jimmy nodded.

"Fine by m-me. I-I'll try to explain the whole situation in more d-detail." Jimmy started walking, and Tweek along with Craig, who still were holding hands through all this, began following after Jimmy.

* * *

"Token... likes Clyde." Craig said it as a statement, but there was a hint of amazement in his voice. They were now standing outside Jimmy's house, Wow. Sixty-percent of his friend group was LGBT. Cool statistics. But he couldn't think about that now, all he could think about the fact that Token had feelings for Clyde. Double wow. That was actually very funny, Craig remembered in third grade he had intense feelings for Clyde, for like, a week, but that had been super long ago... But still, that meant forty-percent of his friend group had feelings for Clyde at one point in their life, though that number was only two out of five using the word 'forty' makes it sound bigger, no?

Anyways.

"I saw it coming," Tweek said, then held his tongue. "I mean, well, I just... see the way Token looks at Clyde. He also flinches every time Clyde calls Bebe 'babe'."

"He does? Wow, you think I'd notice considering Clyde's overuse of the word babe." Craig scratched his head, and Tweek shook his head, smiling at the boy.

"Y-yeah, now that you m-mention it..." Jimmy appeared to be deep in thought. "Huh. Well g-guys, I'm going to go a-and... I don't know, stare at a wall for a little bit. S... See ya." Jimmy walked inside his house, closing the door after him. With a sigh, Tweek and Craig walked away, walking towards Tweek's house, and Tweek stared down at their hands with a goofy grin on his face.

"You don't have to keep holding my hand if you don't  _want_  to." Tweek said, staring nervously down at their hands.

Craig frowned, raising a brow. "I can stop if you don't want me to."

Tweek let go out Craig's hand, flailing his hands, "no! No! It's not that it's just, I just... I don't want you to feel obligated to hold my hand is all," Tweek scratched the back of his head.

Craig was confused by the way Tweek was acting, as they walked past his house. "I like holding your hand," he stared at Tweek. "I like you."

Tweek covered his smile with one hand, while grabbing onto Craig's free hand with the other. Together, they walked towards Tweek's house, and Tweek opened the front door with a key which he pulled out from his pocket.

They both walked inside the house, Craig kicking the door behind them shut. Their intertwined fingers released, and Craig took a spot on the couch, as Tweek got himself some coffee from a nearby coffee maker that sat on a table. Man, the Tweaks sure loved their coffee an awful lot.

Craig stretched on the couch, then sat in a lax position. Tweek joined him on the couch, coffee cup in hands. There seemed to be something on Tweek's mind, but he didn't say anything.

"Long day..." Craig said, and Tweek nodded.

"Y-yeah..."

Craig scratched the back of his head. He wasn't sure what he could say. "Hey, Tweek?"

Tweek snapped his head to face Craig, and stared at him, "yeah?"

"...What are we?"

Tweek seemed to be wondering that too, and took a swig of coffee before placing it down on the coffee table. "I, uh... I-I don't know..."

They both stared at each other, dumbfounded. Craig scooted closer to Tweek, and stared at him. "Well, let's get one thing straight," Tweek snickered at Craig's words, and at this point they were both smiling. "We both like each other."

Tweek nodded, with a sweet smile on his face, recalling the day's events, "yeah, I... I've liked you for a long time, Craig."

Craig held onto Tweek's hand, and squeezed it. "Yes, I have to. Which is why I think we should date."

Tweek couldn't believe this was happening, all those restless nights, pining after Craig like some lovesick fool, and now... And now, now what he's dreamed of has finally come true. Craig liked him back.

At Craig's proposal, Tweek nodded his head a bit to eagerly, which caused Craig to snort. Could Tweek love this boy anymore than he already did? "Yes! I mean, I'd really like that. For us to date, I mean."

Craig laughed, "I'd like that to." Craig grabbed a hold of Tweek's other hand, and together they sat like that. Holding hands, sitting on their knees, facing each other on the couch. This time, it was Tweek who leaned in forward and gave Craig a quick peck on the lips.

"Sorry," Tweek mumbled, with a pout. "I'm kind of, really bad with this whole... dating thing."

Craig shook his head, "no! I like kissing you, and don't worry. You're the first person I've ever dated anyway, so I wouldn't notice."

Tweek smiled, and wrapped his arms around Craig, and as they pulled apart, from the hug, Craig gazed at Tweek's beautiful green eyes, as Tweek stared at Craig's lovely brown eyes. Craig leaned in, and this time their kiss wasn't as short as before. Tweek was on a mission, and his mission was kissing Craig, and if this mission were like a stage in Sonic Adventure 2, Tweek would be aiming to get that S rank. So that's exactly what he was doing, and as he kissed Craig he held onto his hat, pulling Craig in closer. The two of them stayed like that for a while, kissing passionately as if they were the only people in that house.

They were not.

Tweek's mother had been downstairs, doing some laundry. Mrs. Tweak began to walk up the steps with a laundry basket in her hands, humming 'Judy's Turn To Cry', to herself, and opened the basement door.

"And now it's, Judy's turn to cry... Judy's turn to cry... Judy's turn to- oh my goodness!" Mrs. Tweak hummed to herself as she saw her son making out with his best friend on the couch. She dropped her laundry basket in shock, clothes falling to the floor, and she held a hand to her mouth in surprise.

Craig pushed Tweek off of him, almost too forcefully, "fuck, sorry," Craig mumbled, and oh man. Oh fuck... If kissing Tweek had been a Sonic Adventure 2 stage, it would be paused, only Craig wasn't so sure if he would be able to get back to playing the game anytime soon.

Meanwhile Tweek's head was spinning. His mom was here!? Why was his mom here! Shouldn't she have been at the shop? Then, to surprise Tweek even further, his dad came in from the backyard, wearing gardening gloves.

"Helen, what's going? There was a loud thud, and-" Tweek's father stopped, as he stared at Tweek and Craig. Craig looked disheveled, his hair a mess, and Tweek laid on the couch, and Craig was still sitting on the couch, and it had been fairly obvious what they had been doing.

"Huh..." Richard Tweak stared at the two in confusion. Shaking his head, he walked over to the two, his hands on his hips.

"Now boys, I'm going to have a long talk with you." Richard said, and was calm as he said this, Tweek and Craig looked at each other and gulped. They were fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i didn't already make it painfully obvious, i literally do NOT know how to write big kissing scenes, so i just... winged it. i think it worked out in the end. I have a bunch of stuff planned for next chapter, and the chapters that follow it, which we'll eventually lead into Bebe's big party. Weird how i have stuff planned now. Also more stuff will happen.   
> Anyways........ tell me what u think :D


	9. Craig is Forgetting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward and shitty conversation between Mr. and Mrs. Tweek and the boys (Craig and Tweek). Craig's dad finds out some stuff about his son, and shenanigans ensue.

It was probably the most awkward situation in Craig Tucker's entire life.

He sat, very uncomfortably, on the couch, while Tweek sat next to him, looking down and ashamed. They had sat as far away from each other as they could on the couch, and in the corner of his eyes Tweek glanced at Craig. Craig avoided staring at the other boy, and opted for looking at a window, avoiding any of the Tweaks' gazes.

Tweek's mother and father had gotten chairs from the dining room table, and sat across from them. Helen cleared her throat, and whispered something to her husband. Her husband nodded, and rested his hands on his knees.

"Now son, you've got to see why this is wrong." Tweek's dad began, and  _man_  were the off to a bad start.

Tweek had already been shaking before, but he was shaking more than ever now. Anxiously, Tweek began to bite at his nails. Craig glanced down, and bit his lip. Oh my god, he wanted out of this house  _bad._

Tweek's mother nodded, agreeing with her husband.

Richard opened his fucking mouth again, "think about the shop, Tweek. If you and Craig start dating, it will be controversial. Controversial, like a priest falling in love with an atheist."

Tweek's mom nodded once more, "it's bad for business son. We live in a small town, and people  _talk."_

Tweek bit his lip, shaking vehemently.

"You can't..." Tweek began, and flinched when his parents stared at him, he had their full attention. "You can't be  _serious."_

Richard glanced at Helen, who stared at him back. "No, son. We're serious. Serious, like the erosion of worker rights." Richard glanced up at the ceiling, smiling at his metaphor. Tweek began pulling at his hair, and Craig didn't stop him from doing so. Craig looked down, and my  _god,_  could this conversation get any worse?

Tweek banged his hands against his forehead, the lump in his throat forming. "I hate this house!" He sobbed, "you guys act like I can help the way I feel!"

Craig's hands balled into fists, his nails were digging into his skin. Tweek screamed, flailed his arms, and ran upstairs to his room, and Craig sat there. Finally, he looked up at Mr. and Mrs. Tweak.

"Well, Helen, I could use a cup of coffee right now," Richard laughed, and Helen nodded.

"Yes I suppose your right." Helen agreed, and the two were about to make their way to the kitchen.

"You guys always do this!" Craig said, and fuck, maybe he shouldn't get into Tweek's family baggage but, fuck! Tweek's parents were such assholes. Richard and Helen snapped their heads, and faced the young boy.

"You guys are always sweeping these things under the rugs. First with Tweek's mental illness, and now his sexuality too? Give him a  _break!"_ Craig glared at the two adults, and they both just looked at each other.

Richard crossed his arms, "now you can't go and tell me how to raise my son! Get out of my house!"

Craig had to restrain himself from punching the man, and ran out of the house in anger. Tweek's mom and dad walked into the kitchen, preparing themselves a cup of coffee with a huff.

* * *

Well, that happened. That had been a straight up disaster. Now it had been a  _really_  long day. In fact, the past few days have been kind of weird for Craig, and now he had no idea what lie ahead for him tomorrow. Or even what was going to happen for the rest of the day. It seemed like nothing of interest would probably happen, Craig would go home, probably chill in his room for a bit, maybe play some Xbox.

But when Craig came home, he found his father on the phone in the kitchen.

"Look, I don't  _care_  that he was telling you how to raise your son, what was he and Tweek doing?" Craig's dad appeared to be angry, and shit. Craig had completely forgotten about his homophobic father.

Luckily, Thomas, too invested in his phone call, didn't notice Craig, and Craig tried to slowly walk past the door, his dad's back was now facing him.

"OK! OK! I'm sorry, jeez! Now could you just... maybe NOT speak in metaphors so much?" Craig's dad sighed, then he jumped.

"No, they didn't... they couldn't have! Craig's not..." Craig was now tiptoeing up the stairs, when his dad turned around and caught sight of him. Like a deer caught in headlights, Craig froze. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

"I'm gonna have to call you back," Thomas said, and clicked the receiver. Craig didn't see a reason for him to. Judging by the conversation, Richard had called him first to complain about his behavior or whatever, and Thomas found out something interesting about Craig (something interesting being, that Craig had been making out with Tweek, therefore he was gay).

After Thomas hung up the phone, the two stared at each other, silent and still. Then, Craig dropped his backpack and literally made a run for the front door. Unfortunately, someone up there hated Craig because his little sister had just got home from school, and was now blocking his exit.

Tricia looked up from her phone, and gave him an awkward look. "You look like a mess,"

Craig shook his head, fuck! Get the fuck out of the way! "Tricia, please-"

"Craig." Craig's dad spoke, and Craig froze as Tricia kicked the door behind her shut, and made her way towards the couch. Craig turned to face his father, his stomach flipping over. His mouth hung agape, as he stared at his father waiting for his next words.

"Is it true?" Craig stared down at him. "That you and Tweek, that you're..."

Craig gulped. He was afraid to tell him, but with everything going on in his life, he just didn't give a fuck. "Yeah. It's true." Craig said, and the two of them were silent. Craig expected a lot of things. Maybe, his dad would yell at him, scream at him, but no. His dad just stood there, completely silent. Craig walked away, then began running upstairs to his room.

Then he heard it, the sound of something being flipped. Tricia screamed, and ran upstairs, only she went into Craig's room.

"Jesus, what did you say to him!? He flipped over a table and now he's  _crying!"_ Tricia asked, her eyes widening.

Craig sighed, as he pressed a hand to his forehead. Craig felt like there wasn't going to be any peace in his life for a while. "Long story short? I'm gay, Tricia."

Tricia's eyes widened even more, "what," she whispered, then gasped. "no fucking way," she held a hand to her mouth, in shock. "Oh my gosh!"

Craig groaned, first his father, now his sister  _too?_  "Seriously, you too  _Tricia?"_ Craig rolled his eyes, in defeat. This sucked. He kind of  _liked_  his sister.

"What - no, no no! That's not - fuck, Craig. I mean, I uh." Tricia scratched the back of her head, "I mean. I'm gay too, so... it's just kinda like, wow, you know?"

'...Oh my god. All the Tucker kids.' Craig thought to himself, pressing a hand to his forehead. 'All the Tucker kids are gay, unbelievable.'

* * *

Butters was currently in his room, grounded because of skipping first period Monday. Now Wednesday, Butters sighed. His parents were still letting him go to Bebe's party, thank  _god._ Still, Butters couldn't believe so much has happened in so little time. Stan and Kyle's bodies were switched, and now, Butters thinks they're back in their own bodies, but now they're acting as if they had never even switched bodies in the first place.

Butters sighed once more. Nothing ever did make sense in South Park. Butters stared down at his phone, glossing over the number in his contacts. It had been a while, since he called them. He wasn't even sure Eric, Stan or Kyle had kept contact with him. Nervously, he pressed the call button, and held the phone to his ear, waiting patiently.

He didn't even need to, the phone picked up almost instantly. "Hello?"

Butters gulped, "hey, Kenny." Butters scratched the back of his head, wondering how to word what he was going to say. "How ya been?"

"Oh, fine. You haven't actually kept contact with me in a while." Kenny said, grudgingly.

Butters bit his lip, "it's really hard to! You know it is, especially since I want you here so bad. We're all upset that you had to move Kenny. We tried to convince the principal to suspend that guy, but you have to remember that-"

"Stop!" Kenny suddenly shouted, which caused Butters to jump. "Please," Kenny sighed, "I don't want to remember. I'm sorry I brought it up."

"It's...fine. No worries." Butters mumbled.

"Yeah, OK. Anyways, why did you call? If you don't mind me asking."

Butters was hesitant to speak. "Well, look, Kenny... You're the only one I can trust. Somethings happened, and I need your help."

"...I can't go back. I'm not strong enough."

"Please Kenny. The town of South Park  _needs_  you!" Butters sniffed, " _I_  need you!"

On the other side of the call, Kenny sighed. He knew he would be back, one of these days. "OK." He said, "I'll be there by Friday, Saturday the latest."

"You're the best Kenny. I can't wait to see you again," Butters smiled, "I love you."

Kenny smiled on the other line, "I know. I love you too. Bye."

"Bye!" Butters smiled, as he hung up. Wow, did he feel better after calling Kenny just now, or what? He couldn't wait to see him again. If Craig wouldn't help him, he needed to get help from some outside sources. Because what was going on might be more dangerous than Butters had thought to begin with.

* * *

The sound of Craig's father crying left a bad taste in his mouth. It was coming from his parents' room, and it was now 9PM. After his sister had somewhat come out to him, the two just played video games for a bit while his dad was freaking out downstairs, until Tricia got bored and left. Now Craig Tucker lied down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he heard his father's sobs.

"It's just so  _wrong!"_ Craig heard his father say, and then Craig proceeded to sigh. Well this was great.

"God damn it Thomas! Who cares if he likes it up the ass? Get some  _sleep!"_ That was his mother, as blunt as ever. Craig couldn't help but snicker as he heard her shout at him.

Craig got up from his bed, and walked over to Stripe's cage. He opened it up, and held the guinea pig in his hands. Her coat was soft, and her nose twitched as she looked up at Craig.

"You have to understand that we just can't  _accept_  this." That was his father from the other room, and Craig placed Stripe back in her cage. He sat down on a nearby chair, and watched her, though rather with his usual smile he had a hand placed on his cheek, other things occupying his mind.

"Look, we can discuss this  _tomorrow._  Get some sleep." That was his mother's reply, and Craig's stomach churned. He wasn't looking forward to tomorrow, his two friends were fighting so lunch would be awkward and Tweek... Oh Tweek. Just some hours ago, him and Tweek were at Taco Bell, and it almost seemed like they'd actually be together, with no obstacles. There was always obstacles, things always had to get in the way.

Craig pulled out his phone, and began to type out a quick text to send to Tweek.

_hey can we forget today ever happened?_

Craig was about to put his phone away, but he got a response from Tweek instantly. Before putting it away for good, he read Tweek's reply.

_Already forgotten._

Capitalized, with proper punctuation and everything. Even a period at the end of his sentences... That's how Craig knew Tweek was serious. Maybe it would be better for them, to just... stay friends. Craig had been friends with Tweek for years, he could definitely continuing being friends with him. Even after... Even after, all that's happened... Maybe he should just avoid him, or something. For a little while, because Craig wasn't sure how he could ever face him.

Heading back to bed, Craig frowned. All he knew for sure was, he got a bite of their relationship, and it had felt real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah. THAT happened lol


	10. Tweek Is Craig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo, what the freak!!

Tweek cried in his room for what had felt like hours, he was now lying down in his bed, the covers pulled up over him. He was watching Disney's ' _The Princess and The Frog',_ on his phone; The movie was one of Tweek's ultimate comfort movies. Tiana worked night and day to achieve her goals, and Tweek couldn't help be feel empowered whenever he was watching the movie. While he was beginning to feel somewhat better, he knew the feelings would go away soon when he faced his parents the next morning. He sighed contently as the credits rolled, humming along to Neyo's  _'never knew I needed you',_ and he threw the blankets off of him. He sighed, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about Craig.

Craig Tucker. Maybe they're relationship had happened too fast. Tweek knew he had always felt fluttery around the boy, but he didn't know what to call this feeling until around two years ago. Love, love love. Tossing to the side, he stared at blinding lights of his alarm clock. It was around 9PM. Had Tweek really stayed in his room for that long? His parents didn't even come in to check on him or anything. Typical. Then, he heard his phone buzz. It was a message from Craig, and Tweek couldn't help but feel nervous. Anxiously, he opened up the text message and read it.

_hey, can we forget today ever happened?_

Tweek wasn't sure what to think of the message, but his first reaction was to drop the phone, and it plopped down on his lap. He carefully picked up the phone, almost as if he was afraid to break it. Forget that today happened? Tweek wasn't sure that he could ever forget. This day had somehow gone from good to great to spectacular to down right depressing.

Maybe Tweek was asking too much, when he hoped that Craig Tucker liked him back. Things were all happening too fast. Maybe it would be better for them to just... forget today. Tweek had been just fine being Craig's friend before, he was sure he could manage again, right? Quickly, Tweek responded, almost a bit too fast:

_Already forgotten._

Tweek pressed send, and released a sigh. Who was he kidding? After all that's happened, could they really just go back and be friends again? Could they really just... forget?

* * *

Brown eyes fluttered open, and Tweek covered his head with his blanket. Only he quickly realized it was not his blanket; this blanket was a slightly different hue of blue. Curiously, he took the blanket off and examined his surroundings.

Craig's room.

Tweek jumped up, instantly awake, the shock hitting him felt like the caffeine in his veins. Craig's room!? Why was he in Craig's room? This was the last place he wanted to be, after all yesterday had been a complete disaster. Just when things seemed to be doing fine, his parents had to go and mess it up, which they already did by not even being there for him. Next thing Tweek knows, Craig wants to break up, and Tweek just acts like he's all for it.

His head darted all around the room, looking for any sign of Craig, when he looked down at his hands. He could've sworn he had a band-aid on his hands, not to mention his hands were less soft than they usually were. Tweek touched his head, and realized he was wearing Craig's hat. Tweek let out a scream, as he pulled the hat off and threw it across the room. Quickly, Tweek gasped aloud.

His voice was so deep! And  _nasally!_

Tweek's head was spinning, "what the fuck?" he said aloud, and then realized who he had sounded like.

He was in Craig's room, and.. He felt the top of his head. His lion mane was gone, and holy fuck, no... He's sworn he's seen something like this on some sort of Terrance and Phillip special, or maybe in some movie.. But there was no freaking way.

Tweek got up, and ran for the bathroom, knocking on the door, it appeared to be unoccupied, so Tweek ran in and screamed as his suspicions were revealed to be true. Tweek was _inside_  Craig's body. Tweek thought he wouldn't have been inside Craig's body for several years, and that it would be a different kind of inside. Sex joke.

Tweek touched his face, which was Craig's face, in horror. Maybe he was dreaming? This couldn't have been real. Tweek tried pinching himself, then opted for hitting his head against the bathroom counter. It hadn't done anything, except really fucking hurt. But Tweek wasn't thinking rationally, all he could think about was that he was in the body of the boy he loved. What the fuck, holy fuck, fucking shit!

Tweek ran downstairs, and realized just how loud he was being. He checked the clock. 8AM! HE WAS LATE FOR SCHOOL! SCHOOL HAD STARTED THIRTY MINUTES AGO! WHAT THE FUCK!

Craig's little sister, Tricia, had a backpack on and looked like she was about to walk to school. "Hey, Craig. You know your late for school, right?"

'Uh, uh, JESUS what would Craig say?' Tweek thought, as he was freaking out. "Y-Yeah!" Tweek said, and fuck, was he stupid. He quickly gave Tricia a middle finger before walking upstairs. All Tricia could do was shrug, as she began to walk herself to school.

Once upstairs, Tweek went through Craig's drawers and found some of Craig's clothes, and closed his eyes as he took off his current ones. It was hard to put on clothes with your eyes closed, but Tweek managed to do it anyways. Donning a grey shirt and black pants, Tweek got a coat from Craig's closet and buttoned it up, missing a button as per usual. He quickly grabbed the hat which he threw on the floor, and placed it on his head. He was ready. But most importantly, he was Craig. How the fuck did that happen? And did that mean that Craig...

Holy. Fuck. Craig was probably in Tweek's body right now.

Tweek grunted as he grabbed Craig's backpack, which rested beside Craig's bed, and held onto the backpack straps, and headed downstairs. Before he could make it out the house, an adult called 'his' name.

"Craig?" It was Craig's father, and Tweek turned around to face him. Tweek smacked his head into his hands, and sighed. Couldn't he see that he was LATE for SCHOOL?

"I just want you to know, while I don't support your lifestyle, I still love you, son."

Tweek's eyes (which were actually Craig's eyes but... you get the picture) narrowed, and his brows furrowed in anger. 'Bullshit,' he thought, and so he said it "bullshit." Before Craig's dad could say anything else, Tweek walked out the door, on his way to go to school.

* * *

To say that Tweek was freaking out was the understatement of the century. While Craig...  _was_  one of his best friends, he realized the two never really talked about school before, and he didn't have a clue what any of Craig's classes were. He was pretty sure the boy was taking Geometry, and Art...

Lucky for him, Clyde had to take a piss or something, because he was walking around the hallway, swinging a hall pass in his hands. "Hey - Craig! There you are buddy, we missed you in Art. There's still forty minutes left, where were you?"

Ah, so his first period had been Art. Craig probably picked that elective because he didn't know what else to take. "Um." Was all that Tweek could muster up to say, and, damn it! Being Craig was so freaking hard. Why couldn't he be himself? Why did they switch bodies in the first place? They didn't make a wish on a star, and if electricity had hit them, Tweek would've known about it! So why did they switch bodies? WHY!

"You know what Craig? Follow me, just... Come on, let's go."

Tweek stared at Clyde. "Um... OK?"

Wherever Clyde was taking Tweek (or rather, in his eyes,  _Craig),_  it seemed like it was some place important. Some place private, that no one but him and Craig knew about and wait a minute. Why were the walking towards the bathroom? The two friends walked in the bathroom and wait a fucking minute, NO. God damn it why were they walking in the stalls?

Clyde closed the stall behind them, and took a seat on the toilet. He didn't remove his pants or anything, because that would've been weird. He just sat there, on the toilet seat, pants on and everything. Tweek flinched at how unsanitary that was.

"You know, Craig, this is one of my favorite places to go when I just need to... think about stuff." Clyde admitted and Tweek raised a brow.

"Uh-huh."

Clyde let out a long sigh, and what Clyde said next confused Tweek even more. "Neil Patrick Harris."

"...What?" Tweek asked, unsure of what Clyde meant.

"Listen... He's a really admirable person, and he's showing all those conservatives that there's more to gay people than just stereotypes. I wish everyone felt like they could live out and proud like Neil does." Clyde stared at Craig (who was actually Tweek), as if waiting for Craig to say something. Anything.

"...What the FUCK are you talking about?" Tweek asked, more confused than ever. Tweek hasn't felt this confused since his last sleepover with Craig.

"Look, all I'm saying is... Don't let them get to you. Your parents." Clyde kicked a foot in the air, and let it hang loosely. "I know it sucks, he sucks, but just... don't tolerate rudeness. Don't let them get to you." Clyde walked over to Craig (who was actually Tweek) and placed his hands on Craig's shoulders.

"There's nothing wrong with who you are! Now go, be gay!" Clyde said, with a stupid grin.

Though he was talking to Craig, Tweek couldn't help but smile. It was so stupidly sweet, so stupidly Clyde. "Clyde?"

"Yes, bro?"

"I think you're the ultimate ally." Tweek couldn't help but smile, which caused Clyde to smile in return.

"Yeah," Clyde laughed. "Ally."

"I think I'm ready to go to class now." Tweek said, feeling a bit happier.

"OK then, hold on, I've got to take a piss. Don't look."

"Come on, I wouldn't look. That's gay."

"Craig!"

"Kidding! It was a joke," Tweek rolled his eyes with a smile, as he walked out the stall and began washing his hands, looking in the mirror. He frowned as he saw his reflection. Craig's reflection. Then it hit him once more: he was IN Craig's body. What the FUCK. The two had just gotten together the day before, kissed like a bunch of times, his parents fucked it up, and they broke up in one. single. day. The next day should've been spent grieving their short ass relationship.

Not! Fucking! This!

Tweek(who was stuck in Craig's body) splashed some water in his face, as the toilet flushed from the stall. Clyde joined him by the next sink over, and washed his hands.

"You know, Craig you seem different today." Clyde said, as he walked over to the hand dryer. As the annoyingly loud sound of the hand dryer filled the room. Tweek couldn't but feel like he had been found out.

"...What makes you say _that?"_ Tweek asked, sounding nervous. Clyde look at him, and seemed to be deep in thought.

"You seem more... emotional." Clyde said, and Tweek thought for a moment. What would Craig do?

Tweek flipped him off, and Clyde laughed. "Maybe I'm wrong,"

"Um." Tweek said, and wasn't sure whether or not to tell Clyde the truth. That he was actually Tweek.

"Well, whatever. Our art project is due today, and it's worth like twenty points, so come on." Clyde said, leading Tweek out of the bathroom. Tweek nodded, following the boy, and couldn't help but wonder...

Where the  _HELL_  was his body!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes, finally this chapter happened. stuff is going on you guys. i swear.


	11. Craig Is Tweek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the happlening continues

When Craig woke up, the first thing on his mind was coffee. He didn't know why, he didn't even touch the stuff, much less drink it. Sure, he did kind of enjoy the smell of it, it's aroma was so rich, and it reminded him of... Tweek.

Craig jolted awake, and noticed something odd about where he was, but then he realized: he was not in his room at all. Somehow, he ended up in Tweek's room, and didn't have a clue how he ended up there. All he knew was, that he needed coffee.  _Now._

As he hopped out of bed, he rubbed his eyes and then he realized his hands were really soft. Like, his hands felt like a baby's hands. Had his hands always been this soft, and he just didn't notice? Why, it had reminded him of the other day when he and Tweek were... holding... hands...

Craig reached for his hair, and jumped in shock. His hair was blond, and it looked, felt,  _and_  smelled like Tweek's! Was he dreaming? He must've been dreaming, right? He was not actually... there was just no way. Craig quietly ran out of Tweek's room, and ran into the bathroom, only to stare in the mirror in shock. He touched his face, only it was not  _his_  face. It was Tweek's!

He ran back into Tweek's room, and started pacing. This was one problem he certainly couldn't just dismiss... What was happening right now? WHY was he in TWEEK'S body? There wasn't any logical explanations for this. Stuff like this only happened in movies, books, and any other media that is fiction. This was real life, and right now Craig was really in Tweek's body.

Holy crap, and he had just broken up with him the other day too. Now he was stuck in Tweek's body. Talk about awkward! There was no avoiding him now like Craig had originally planned, he was literally stuck seeing him when he passed by every window, when he was greeted by any other townsfolk. Was this the rest of Craig's life now? Would he be stuck as Tweek as forever?

And since he was in Tweek's body, that could only mean that Tweek was in his. Well, if they had somehow switched bodies in the first place, they could certainly switch back, right? In fact, as Craig sat down on Tweek's bed and thought about it, hadn't Stan and Kyle said they switched bodies on Monday? Craig thought may the two were just fucking with him, but maybe they actually  _had_  switched bodies. Funny how Craig refused to be apart of the situation, and now was in a nearly identical predicament.

Craig turned to look at an alarm clock that sat on a desk near Tweek's bed. 6:30 AM, he had about an hour to get ready and walk to school. He couldn't think about getting dressed, and wasn't even sure if Tweek brushed his hair, but the only thing that was on Craig's mind right now was coffee. Craig had never experienced 'withdrawls' before, unless you count that one time his parents didn't allow him to watch Red Racer for a week, but now he was experiencing like,  _major_  withdrawls. He NEEDED coffee.

Quickly, Craig bolted downstairs, and ran into the kitchen, and it all came to him like instinct. He only ever saw Tweek make coffee before, but it all just came to him and felt so familiar. He placed the coffee filter into the coffee maker, pouring medium roast coffee grounds into the machine, and added water which he poured into from a cup. Anxiously, he pressed the 'brew' button, and tapped his fingers against the counters impatiently. Come on! Hurry up! He needed that coffee, and he needed it, pronto!

After what felt like hours, he got a cup from the cupboard and poured the coffee from the coffee pot into the cup. Craig scarfed the coffee down, and it didn't taste like garbage like Craig thought it would. It tasted good, and he felt good too. Maybe it was because he had Tweek's taste buds, but he was starting to see the appeal of coffee. He felt more awake, more energized and more alert. Now he could finally get ready for school without any distractions.

Wait a fucking second. Suddenly, it dawned on him once more. He was in Tweek's body! What the hell was going on? Just how could this have happened?

Shaking bad thoughts that suddenly plagued his mind, Craig walked upstairs back into Tweek's room, and closed his eyes as he got dressed. He wore Tweek's usual tire, blue jeans with a green button-up shirt. Craig walked to the bathroom, and smiled as he admired himself (or rather, Tweek) in the mirror. The buttons were all matched up correctly, and Craig let out a content sigh.

He picked up a brush that was on the counter, which was probably belonged to Tweek's mom, and began to brush. Only, when he did he let out a terrified scream.

"OW!" Craig screeched, and dropped the brush to the floor. He was right when he though Tweek didn't brush his hair. His hair was so knotted, that it was a pain in the ass to brush. Thinking 'fuck that' to himself, Craig left the bathroom, and searched the house for Tweek's backpack. After looking all over Tweek's room, he finally found it hidden under Tweek's bed. Weird, but Craig didn't question it. He wore the backpack and walked downstairs, heading into the kitchen in search of a travel mug he saw Tweek used a few days ago. He found it, in the cupboard and washed, and poured the coffee into the mug. Before securing the mug shut, Craig took a big gulp of coffee, added some more, and placed it in the water bottle compartment of Tweek's backpack. Checking the time on the kitchen stove, Craig saw that it was now 7:15 AM, meaning he should probably start walking to school.

* * *

Craig only really knew Tweek's first period class was Geometry, and that's because he would walk Tweek to his first period class sometimes. He wasn't sure where Tweek sat though, so opted for sitting wherever he wanted. He took a seat next to Annie Knitts, who stared at him.

"...You know that isn't your seat, right?" Annie pointed out.

Craig wasn't sure what to say. "Uh, sorry?" He scratched the top of his head, "I kind of forgot where I sit."

Annie rolled her eyes with a smile, "gosh Tweek, you're so forgetful. You sit behind me, silly."

Craig nodded his head, avoiding eye contact with the girl. After all, it's something Tweek would've done. "Right, sorry!" He said, because Tweek said sorry a lot.. Right? For some reason, though he spent a lot of time around the boy, and was all ears whenever he spoke, he wasn't sure how to act like Tweek. It was hard. Craig and him were really different, it seemed.

Craig couldn't help but snicker, as he remembered he was sitting in front of his cousin's crush. But then he remembered something funnier: he was in the body of his crush. Huh. Actually, it wasn't that funny at all and actually kind of sucked. Especially considering the day before he was dating his crush, and then he broke up with his crush, because of doubt and now... everything was happening so fast... Thinking about it even more, it was actually downright terrifying, in fact, this might be one of the most terrifying and embarrassing things that's ever happened to Craig.

"AHH!" Craig yelped, involuntary. He covered his mouth instantly, in shock. Did he just scream? He felt like he had no control of what was happening to him, and it honestly sucked. Apparently when Craig had been thinking about how much life honestly sucked at the moment, the teacher had been explaining something and he was now passing out a worksheet.

Annie passed him down the worksheet, and he took one and passed it down to Isla. Craig looked back at the paper which was given to him, and looked at it. Proofs? This stuff was easy. Craig had already learned about proofs, so this should be a piece of cake. He finished the worksheet pretty quickly. Despite drinking a bunch of coffee earlier, Craig was beginning to feel tired. Craig blinked, and stared at a spot on the floor for a bit, and closed his eyes for a second. The world around him felt fuzzy, and he thought he saw something move. Next thing he knew, Craig bolted awake, literally jumping in his seat. He heard a few snickers from behind, and thought to just flip them off, but realized that was not the Tweek thing to do. In fact, the Tweek-est thing to do was drink coffee, which what Craig was going to do right now. Because he needed some coffee, stat!

He grabbed his mug, opening it and taking a big gulp. He let out a sigh of relief as he set the mug down, and placed a hand on his forehead. The day felt like it was dragging on forever, and it was only first period. Is this what Tweek felt like all the time? Maybe it wasn't as bad, as Tweek could've gotten used to it but that didn't make this any better. Tweek seriously needed to stop drinking coffee; I mean, sure, a cup of joe wouldn't hurt ever now and then... but there was a fine line moderation and addiction. If that made any sense.

Craig scratched his palms, staring down at Tweek's hands. Tweek's hands were much smaller than Craig's but they weren't like a baby's hands, because that would be weird. Tweek also had long nails, but they were kind of pretty.

Fuck. Craig had been planning on diminishing any feelings he had for Tweek, but here he was... stuck in Tweek's body, admiring the boy's pretty nails. Maybe he should get them painted too. Green was totally Tweek's color. God damn it.

* * *

Craig felt a light tap on his head, and his eyes blinked opened. He got up when he realized he was wearing Tweek's clothes. Then he remembered: oh yeah, he was in Tweek's body. Huh. He didn't even remember falling asleep. Did he just... pass out?

"You fell asleep again!" Annie muttered to him, shaking her head.

Craig stared at her, in confusion. "Again?"

"Yeah, you've been doing that a lot lately. Maybe you're drinking too much coffee, but that's none of my business." She then handed him a pink notebook with horse stickers on it, and he tilted his head in confusion.

Annie raised her brow and gave him a look, "my notes, dude. Teacher gave a lecture while you were asleep. By the way, class is over. It's brunch right now."

Craig looked around the class, and she was right. There was only a few other people in class, Chris Donnely who was talking to the teacher, and there were a  few other people Craig didn't bother to associate himself with, who were waiting for second period to start.

"Oh," Craig said, and grabbed his backpack and got out the classroom, and the two parted ways. Annie going to whatever her second period was, and Craig, well... wait. Where was he supposed to go? Craig had no idea where he was supposed to go. He knew Tweek's first and last period class, but he wasn't entirely sure what his other classes were. It wasn't a big deal, but Craig felt like he should've known.

He decided to just walk around the hallway, when he walked past Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Butters. Cartman and Kyle seemed to be having a conversation, which was never a good thing.

"For the record,  _Kahl,_  I am not fat. I am dumb thicc."

"Oh my god, will you please just shut up!" Kyle was so furious at Cartman that it wasn't even funny... OK, it was a little funny. Craig laughed to himself, mostly because Cartman referred to himself as 'dumb thicc'. But then he remembered: Butters. Certainly, Butters could help him, right? He seemed to know about the body switching stuff, or at least acted like it. He could go to Tweek, but why would he want to go and do something like that?

No, Craig thought. It would be too awkward. He'd have to explain that he was avoiding Tweek too, then he would have to explain why. Way too messy and complicated. But it would be more awkward talking to Tweek. But Craig knew, deep down, that he couldn't keep avoiding his problems. He could try to put it off, but there were problems that you just can't ignore. This was one of them. 

The bell that ended passing period rung, and Craig almost considered ditching since he didn't know where to go. Sure, he could ask the office for his schedule, but he didn't feel like getting shit for not knowing his schedule because school's been in session for a few months now. Sneaking out of school wouldn't be hard, but he couldn't be bothered with the trouble of sneaking back in to talk to Tweek. He would have to do what he used to do as a freshman with his friends, because they were too scared to ditch: hide in the bathroom until lunch started.

Craig sighed, walking towards the bathroom. Lunch was on the horizon, and Craig was not only not hungry, but he wasn't looking forward to it either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like not much happened this chapter (the obvious highlight of this chapter was cartman calling himself 'dumb thicc') but more stuff will happen next chapter. it's going to be an awkward lunch. at my school, lunch is only 20 minutes long. can u believe that? that sucks. what interesting stuff is supposed to happen in 20 minutes?  
> anyways, i hope y'all enjoyed.


	12. Tweek and Craig: The Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan reveals something shocking to Kyle. Craig is bored, then he talks to Tweek. Shenanigans ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS STORY SURPASSED 100 KUDOS!! thank you all for kudos-ing my story. Also, thanks for all the lovely comments, I read them and they honestly make my day!! Y'all are so sweet. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's a bit messy BUT I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

Craig had been pacing around the bathroom for what had felt like years, thinking about all the ways lunch could go horribly wrong. A lump formed in his throat, as the shrill bell signalling lunch time carried out through the halls; all that could be heard after that was the sound of teenagers dashing out of their classrooms, into the halls, and on their way to the cafeteria. Had an hour and a half already passed? Did Craig really waste all this time pacing?

Craig peeked his head out of the bathroom, and casually shoved his hands in his pants pockets. The hallways were less full than they had been a few seconds ago. Everyone was probably already in the cafeteria, eager to get as far away from their respective classes as always. Craig sighed, it was now or later, and he might as well get this over with now. With each step he took, his stomach churned, and he was beginning to feel light headed.

He opened the cafeteria doors, and they shut behind him. What he saw came as a total surprise to him. Instead of everyone sitting around in their normal spots, there was a crowd surrounding something. Craig couldn't see what was going on, due to people blocking his way. Eagerly, he pushed people out of his way, causing people to mutter "hey", but he ignored him. The cafeteria was really loud, but once Craig was in the front he finally saw what was going on and groaned. It was just Stan and Kyle fighting, still he couldn't find himself so he might as well see where this goes.

"Stan, you're acting crazy. Just ignore them, dude!" Kyle said, holding his hands out in defense, and the two were moving in circles.

"No, Kyle! They keep saying we're a couple, and it's pissing  _you_  off!" Stan said, staring angrily at his super best friend.

"Look, Stan. We just have to ignore them! They think we're lying whenever we say we're not a couple, to get to stop being with you!" Kyle sighed, "and I'm not pissed off! It's annoying, but that's just how everyone is! Your the one who's pissing me off, Stan."

"I'm pissing you off, Kyle? I'm trying to get them to leave you alone!" Stan's voice cracked, "can't you see I don't want to make you uncomfortable?"

The crowd gasped, and there was a trail of whispers, and Craig was getting pretty bored of the situation. His head darted in multiple directions, searching for himself, he needed to talk to Tweek. But it was so hard, because another thing that sucked about being Tweek was that he was one of the shortest guys in their grade. Craig had been one of the tallest.

"How are you making me uncomfortable, Stan? They're the ones who are making me uncomfortable!" Kyle shouted, and Stan groaned.

"Because maybe I have liked you all these years, but I was too stupid to fucking notice till everyone thought we were dating!" Stan admitted, as Craig was searching through the crowds, pushing people out of his way, looking for Tweek (who was in his body).

"...Dude." Was all the Kyle could say, I mean, what could he say? He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He wasn't sure what to say, or what to think. Did he feel the same way too?

Craig stifled a yawn, trying to push through the crowd, and he was unable to find himself. Fan-fucking-tastic. Somehow, he ended up back at the cafeteria doors, and decided to get out for some fresh air. While Craig didn't hate crowds as much as Tweek did, he certainly wasn't a fan of them. The doors shut behind him, and he fell to the floor, staring down at Tweek's black converse.

"Hey." A voice said, and Craig looked up, and saw the dude he had been looking for all day. He looked the same as ever, and he sat down next to Craig on the ground, looking dejected.

"...Sup." Craig greeted, scratching the back of his head. There had been so many things he had wanted to say, but he wasn't sure how to say them.

"I don't like crowds." Tweek sighed, crossing his arms, and Craig stared at Tweek. It was weird, looking at yourself. I mean, of course he knew what he looked like, but he never got to see himself from someone else's perspective, obviously. And did he  _really_  sound that nasally? No, he couldn't possibly. Maybe Tweek somehow got him a cold, but he looked fine. Craig dropped the thought immediately, shaking his head.

"Look, Tweek, about yesterday-"

"What about yesterday?" Tweek snapped, staring at him, "nothing happened." Tweek then slouched further on the ground, and stared up at the hallway ceiling. Oh. That's right, he had asked Tweek to forget yesterday. By the sounds of it though, Tweek seemed to be pretty pissed off. Craig couldn't blame them.

"...I can understand if your mad, but we need to talk about  _this,"_ Craig said, motioning his hand back and forth between them. Tweek sighed, and covered his face with his hands. The boy next to him sniffled, and groaned.

"Craig, what are we gonna do?" Tweek asked, and huh. That's what he sounded like when he cried. It had been a while, since he last...

Craig wasn't sure what to do, but grabbed Tweek by the shoulders. "Look, Tweek. We've been through lots of crazy shit together. We can get through this."

Tweek stared at the ground, and bit his lip. "But what CAN we do? I don't even know how  _this,"_  Tweek pointed at himself, then at Craig, "happened!"

Craig scratched the side of his head, "Tweek, I wish I could give you an answer, but I'm as clueless as Clyde right now."

Tweek rolled his eyes, "he's not  _that_  clueless. I mean, sure, he can be somewhat oblivious at times, but sometimes he knows the right things to say. Even if it's kind of... stupid."

Craig stared at Tweek in disbelief, fear welling up inside him. "Did Clyde say something to you?"

Tweek leaned against the wall, and blinked, as if trying to remember something. "...Yes. He said something about Neil Patrick Harris, but I c-can't really call.. what that was about..."

Then, Tweek turned to look at Craig. "Then he was talking about your parents. I'm not too sure what's going on with them, well, except your dad kind of... yeah. But he just told me to not let them get to me."

Craig didn't say anything, and just stared at Tweek, who seemed to be debating on whether or not to say something.

"H-hey... has he always been you know, like that?" Tweek asked.

Craig was confused, "Clyde?"

Tweek shook his head, "no, your dad, has he always been, y'know..."

"Ah," Craig tapped his fingers together nervously, staring at the ground. "A conservative, homophobic jerk."

Tweek nodded, "yeah, that." Then jumped, "uh, sorry for asking, you probably don't want to talk about it, it's kind of per-"

"No," Craig sighed, putting his hands up, then letting his arms fall to the side. "No it's OK. Yeah, he's always been like that, for as long as I can remember anyways. I mean, he's not CONSTANTLY spewing homophobic garbage, but it's still... there."

"Oh," Tweek said, "I'm, uh, sorry."

"Yeah, well, don't be." Craig sighed, "it's... it's not your fault."

"I think... I think I get you, now." Tweek thought aloud, and Craig turned to look at him in confusion.

"Uh, what?" Craig asked, frowning at the boy, who shook his head.

"Nevermind, it's nothing. For now Craig, I just want to focus on this situation. And getting out of it." Tweek said, stuffing his hand into his (well, technically Craig's) jacket pockets, and began walking down the hall. It was unspoken between the two of them, but it was obvious they both were now silently agreeing on ditching school.

"Yeah, me too. Dude, you do know you're like, ADDICTED to coffee, right?" Craig pointed out.

In response, Tweek just shrugged. "You get used to it."

"Yeah, well, you shouldn't. I'm pretty sure all this coffee is unhealthy for you." Craig crossed his arms, and Tweek kicked the front door of the school open. South Park High School had been notorious for its shitty staff, and if Tweek and Craig got caught they could just show off their off campus passes and say they were off campus for a bit.

"There are health benefits to coffee! Plus, it gives me energy and, uh... yeah!" Tweek retorted weakly.

"Well, there's such thing as too much of a good thing." Craig said, and as they began walking outside the gates of the school, Tweek shook his head.

"Yeah, well, I don't think so." Tweek replied, and Craig wasn't sure if they were talking about coffee anymore. Craig was about to say speak up, when they bumped into Annie and Millie, who were hanging out by a nearby tree.

Annie appeared to be glaring at Millie, but upon seeing Tweek and Craig she gave them a smile. "Hey Tweek, hey Craig! You guys going to the game tomorrow?"

Tweek and Craig just looked at each other, and Tweek surprised Craig by saying, "I don't know. Maybe." Tweek never went to the games, he was always way to nervous by the amount of people and the loudness of it all. 

"That's great, Craig. Tweek, you should come to, I'm going to be cheering off the cows against North Park. Millie's coming too, right Millie?" Annie turned to look at the strawberry blonde, who was leaning against the tree.

"Yeah, sure. Those guys are a bunch of assholes." Millie threw a fist in the air, and cheered weakly, "go cows!"

Annie glared at the other girl, but turned back to stare at Craig (only to her, it was Tweek).

"Uh, yeah, I'll see if I can." Craig found himself saying, but was not sure if going to a football game was what he really needed right now. Like, seriously? A football game? He was trapped in his friend's body, the last thing he needed was to be surrounded by a bunch of overhyped classmates on a freezing Friday night.

"Alright, that's fantastic! See you two there!" Annie grinned, giving the boys a wave, then turned back to Millie, resuming whatever conversation the two were having before Craig and Tweek walked by. The two boys resumed walking, and Tweek looked up.

"Craig, where are we going, anyways?" Tweek asked, and Craig stared at him.

"What do you mean?" Craig asked.

"We just ditched school. We literally walked off campus, and lunch ends in like, five minutes. There's no way we're going back, right?"

Craig scratched his head, "I wanted to go home and get my laptop, but my dad is probably there. And also, I'm you, and well, he doesn't really..."

Tweek nodded, "yeah, yeah, I get what you mean." Tweek started walking ahead of Craig, "c'mon, I think I know a place where we can go.

* * *

"Well, this had been a complete bust." Tweek sighed, they had been searching South Park's libraries inventory for any books related to body switching at all. The only thing they had found was a DVD for Freaky Friday and a blu-ray for the 2002 Scooby Doo movie.

"This is hopeless," Craig sighed, then coughed. The library was seriously dusty, and a musty smell carried out throughout the area. "We should just leave."

"...It is pretty hopeless. I hate to give up, because I thought this would help us, but you're right. Let's just leave." Tweek sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets, the two left the establishment. As they had began walking, Craig held out his arm in order to stop Tweek from walking.

"Craig?" Tweek raised a brow, staring at the boy.

"Huh? Oh fuck, sorry." Craig said, and pointed at Taco Bell from across the street, "I was actually going to ask if you were hungry. I mean, all that research for nothing, I think we should take a break. But I can understand if you don't want Taco Bell, we could always go to Shakey's or something-"

"No," Tweek interrupted, "Taco Bell, is... fine. Yeah, you're right. We have been working pretty hard, so, I think we deserve a break." Tweek mentally sighed. He had remembered what happened last time the two of them were together at Taco Bell. They came inside as friends, and left as lovers. Only in the end for them to become exes. Now, he and Craig we're... friends now, though it had been a bit awkward, and all he thought about was how that he was in the body of his former-boyfriend/crush/friend/oh man it's complicated.

Maybe another trip at Taco Bell was just what they needed, at least that's what Tweek thought. The two friends walked side by side, Tweek avoiding the other's gaze, mostly because he hated to look at himself. He knew he was a mess, but come ON, that was just... ridiculous. His shirt looked neater today, though, but Tweek couldn't pinpoint why.

"Alright, well... You first?" Craig opened the door to Taco Bell for Tweek, which even he seem surprised about for some reason.

Tweek raised a brow, "uh, thanks," oh my god this was so awkward. Tweek walked in, and Craig shut the door behind them, and they found themselves in the familiar place of Taco Bell.

Tweek and Craig had no idea what was going to happen next.


	13. Tweek and Craig: Familiar Foes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig passes out, like a bunch of times.

Shutting the door to Taco Bell behind them, Craig Tucker couldn't believe what an asshole he was. Stupid, stupid, stupid. The two walked by the counter, both in a thinking pose, wondering what to order.

"I'm not sure if I want a box this time," Craig said aloud, and Tweek nodded.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. It's kind of like, a mini feast. I'm not sure if I'm willing to eat that much." Tweek replied, and then let out a gasp of surprise, when he noticed the man behind the counter. If he was in his own body, he'd probably have screamed, then started shaking. Instead, he quickly tapped his own shoulder, and Craig stared at him.

"Yeah, dude?" Craig asked, and Tweek leaned in, whispering in his own ear.

"That guy looks lifeless, dude, look at him!" He whispered, and Craig's eyes (well, technically Tweek's) gazed at the man, a look of horror spread on Craig's (again, technically, Tweek's) face, which was suppressed by a frown.

"Stand back. I'm gonna order some nachos," Craig said, and Tweek nodded. Anxiously Craig walked towards the counter.

"Hi, I would like to order some nachos." Craig said, and the guy just... stared at him. Craig scratched the back of his current scalp, and glanced at Tweek.

"Some  _nachos,_  plea-"

"Scanning subjects." A robotic voice replied, and it came from the Taco Bell cashier, causing Craig to literally fucking jump. He turned back to stare at Tweek, who had a look of horror on his face.

Slowly, Craig backed away, and the Taco Bell cashier began to speak again,

"Two patients found. Lockdown will emmence shortly," The Taco Bell cashier kneeled down, pressing a button, and Craig grabbed a hold of Tweek's hand (which was technically  _his_  hand, but wait, what was happening?! This was no time for technically's!).

"Let's get the fuck out of here!" Craig exclaimed, and Tweek nodded a bit too eagerly, and the two made a mad dash for the door, but soon Taco Bell was surrounded by a metal shield. Craig tried to use his super strength to bust open the door, but it was all for naught. Still, he tried, and kicked the door.

"Ow, fuck!" Craig groaned in pain. Tweek placed a hand on Craig's shoulder.

"Craig, I'm fucking terrified, I-I have no idea what's going, but it's no u-" Tweek fell to the floor, and Craig stared at him in shock.

"NO! Tweek!" What happened? What happened, why did he just fall to the- oh fuck, there was a tranquilizer in his shoulder. The only place that could've come from, was...

Craig turned to face the robot cashier, and gasped as a tranquilizer was headed for his shoulder. "Fuck... you..." Those were Craig's last words, before he passed out, next to Tweek.

* * *

"Ugh..." Craig muttered,stirring awake. He tried to get up, but he was strapped down on a table.

"I think we've got it," A voice echoed throughout the room, though it sounded like it was coming from speakers or something, "did you examine the patients? What did you find?"

Craig felt a headache in the back of his head, ugh, it was killing him. He tried to get up again, but to no avail.

"Yes, I examined them. Their bodies swapped, and they seem to be stronger, but their death neurons haven't shown any signs of change." Another voice, it sounded like an adult, and he sounded nervous.

"Damn it! How are we supposed to achieve immortality if we keep getting it wrong? It's just not adding up!"

"Maybe it's the sauce... Maybe we should just change the sauces -"

"If we change the sauces, people are going to start asking questions!" The voice from the speakers sounded angry, exasperated, and Craig wasn't sure what the fuck was going on.

"Does this mean..."

"Yes," A loud sigh could be heard, "we're going to have to introduce a new menu item. And this time, we have to get it right."

Craig, still unsure of what the hell was happening, tried to stand up, and tried breaking free. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, he felt a strange power surge inside him. He was able to break off one of the straps.

"The boss is going to be so pissed when he finds out we fucked up again, and- oh shit one of them's awake.."

"What! Jesus Christ, no!" A loud gasp could be heard. When Craig finally stood up, he was met face-to-face with a baseball bat, like hit in the face with it, and Craig was back to lying down on the table, having passed out again.

* * *

Craig woke up with a start, and found himself in his own body, lying in some sort of room with only a door. The room was very bright, it's light causing Craig to squint. Tweek was next to him, his body lying down on the floor.

"Tweek!" Craig whispered, trying to wake the boy by lightly shaking him. He couldn't believe it. They were in their own bodies! But where the hell were they?

"Craig..." Tweek coughed out, and sat up, rubbing his eyes. "...What happened!? We're in our own bodies now?" Tweek's eyes darted around the room nervously.

"W...where are we!?" Tweek was shaking now, and Craig couldn't blame him. He was honestly a bit terrified himself.

"I-I don't know." Craig walked over to the door, and tried opening it. He was expecting it to be locked, but was surprised when it opened.

"Come on, dude. We have to get out of here!" Craig said, and Tweek nodded, clinging close to Craig. When they left the room, they entered a very dark room, with control panels, two chairs, another door, and a huge glass that viewed the room they were in. It looked kind of like a police interrogation room. Craig saw an adult man lying in a corner, covered in blood, and appeared to be on the verge of death.

"O-oh Jesus!" Tweek pulled at his shirt anxiously, and the man coughed out blood.

"P-please! You've got to get out of here... it isn't safe!" He cried out, and Craig nervously glanced at Tweek, before questioning the man.

"What's going on here?" Craig asked, eyes wide in fear.

"There's no time... please! Hurry, you don't have much time! They're demons, I tell you. DEMONS!" The man coughed some more. "Taco Bell isn't safe... I tried to tell them what they're doing is immoral, but they didn't listen... It's like they're set on vengeance or something..."

"Sir, can you just PLEASE try to explain what is happening, and why Taco Bell is involved?" Craig asked, and before the man could answer, the entire building began to shake. Tears began to fill Tweek's eyes, and he began pulling at his hair.

Craig embraced the boy, "Tweek, I'm so sorry... I'm such a fucking idiot. We should've never even come here. And I should've never broken up with you."

Tweek shook his head, crying into the boy's shoulder. "No, Craig, i-it's OK. I understand what you're going through, a-and..."

"No!" Craig pulled Tweek closer, "it's... it's no excuse. I shouldn't have asked you to forget what happened, especially when I could never forget myself."

Tweek continued to cry in Craig's shoulder, and the building stopped shaking. The two pulled from their hug, but still clung close to each other. After a while, Craig let out a sigh of relief.

"I think... I think we're OK." Craig sighed, and turned to the man in the corner, who was groaning in pain.

"Who's behind all this?" Tweek asked, and the man coughed out more blood.

"Satan's..." The man continued coughing, "Satan's... Satan's-" The man continued coughing some more, until eventually he was met with his death. Craig and Tweek looked at each other.

"Let's just get out of here, dude." Craig said.

Tweek nodded, "y-yeah..." The two went over to the other door, and when it opened they were met with a long dwindling hallway. It had looked like one of those hallways you could only find in a spooky haunted house or something. There was a bunch of photos all over the walls. As the two continued walking they saw a picture of Satan, and what appeared to be his son, dressed up in a cute little sailor suit.

"Hey, didn't that kid go to our elementary school?" Tweek asked, and Craig tried to remember.

"No... at least I don't THINK so." Craig replied, and the two continued walking. As the hallway progressed, there were less photos of Satan and his son and more of just the kid, who had black hair and mostly dressed in all black. Black shirt, black pants, black socks, black shoes... it was insane.

There was a curve at the end of the hallway, and before they could continue, a boy with a blond bob came by, and he was blocking there way. He gasped when he noticed Craig and Tweek.

"Wait a second... Pip?" Craig gasped, remembering that guy he (and everyone else, for that matter) used to pick on in third and fourth grade. He also remembered that he died, having heard it on the news, so it was pretty damn shocking that he was here.

"Pip! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be dead!" Tweek shared the same shock as Craig, taking a step back in confusion.

"Oh, bloody hell. You guys are awake. No matter," Pip said, and he pulled a giant bell out of his back pocket. He got out a drumstick, and bashed it against the bell. The sound echoed throughout the hallway, and Craig could've sworn his ears were bleeding. His head spun, and he tried grabbing onto something, anything; Craig leaned against the wall, and before he could act next, everything went black.

* * *

A loud yawn erupted from Craig Tucker, as he woke up in his bed. It had been a long week, nothing interesting really happened, so he was kind of looking forward to the game tomorrow. Honestly, these past few days went by like a blur. He remembered going to Taco Bell with Tweek, getting with him then breaking up with him, but nothing else. Oh well, his life was really uneventful so he didn't really worry about it. Still, he felt like a jackass. He missed Tweek badly, and wanted to make up with him. He checked his alarm clock to see what time it was. It was 5PM.

That had come as a total surprise. 5PM? Wait, now that he thought about it, just what DAY was it? Craig grabbed his phone from his dresser, and checked the date. It was currently Friday. That's funny, he could've sworn it was Thursday. The game was _today!_ Did he even go to school? No, he would've remembered that... So did his parents just let him sleep in?

Confused, Craig shoved his phone in his pajama pockets, and went downstairs. He saw his mom and dad holding onto each other, both looking like they had been crying. Tricia was on the floor, and her eyes were red from crying too. What was going on? Had something happened?

"Uh, what's going on?" Craig asked, which caused everyone else in the living room to jump.

"Craig, honey, you're OK!" Craig's mom embraced her son, who hugged her back, a look of confusion on his face.

"We're sorry, we haven't been paying attention to you lately... you're going through so much." His mom pulled out of the embraced, and Craig moved to look at the others in the living room.

"We were worried sick about you. Dick." Tricia said, sniffling in her spot. Craig's dad got up from his spot, and placed a hand on Craig's shoulder. Kneeling down, he was face to face with his son.

"Craig, I'm sorry I haven't been as supportive as I should've been." Craig's dad looked up, almost as if searching for the right words to say. He stared back down at his son, "I didn't know where you were, but now that you're back. I'm going to try to be more supportive... I-I want to _try_  to understand. I love you, son." Craig's dad embraced his son, and Craig stood there in shock. He didn't know why his parents were freaking out, and was unsure whether or not he should question it. Awkwardly, he hugged his father back.

"Oh... OK dad. Um, thanks." He smiled, "that... that means a lot."


	14. Tweek and Craig: Unremembered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek and Red Talk. Craig talks with Clyde. Things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two updates in one day. what's up!!!!!

So far, Tweek's day had been horrible. He had woken up late for school AND work, and it was already Friday. This week had really flown by fast. He couldn't really recall much of what happened in the past few days. He did have this weird dream where he was in Craig's body, man it is so weird to have dreams of your ex/friend/ex-friend/it's complicated. Tweek wasn't sure what to call him at this point. He was sort of pissed at Craig for telling him to forget what happened that night. And to top it all off, he got his phone taken away.

Right now, he was busy sweeping the floors of Tweak Bros. coffee. His parents had thought they deserved the day off, so Tweek was left working alone in his family's coffee shop. It was super boring, and barely anyone came in. Not many people did come in during game night. Checking back at the wall clock, it was 6PM, and the game started in an hour. Tweek let out a long sigh, another game missed. Tweek didn't really go to the games, because it gave him mad anxiety. The people, the crowds, still Tweek knew all his friends were there and if there was anything that made him happy, it was his friends. But a lot was going on with his friends right now. Didn't Token like Clyde or something? Poor Token. Clyde was like, really fucking straight. At least, Tweek was sure  _he_  was. He did get a bit overly-friendly sometimes.

The bell to ring in customers set off, and Tweek's head hurt for some reason. Just then, he saw a vision of himself in Craig's body, talking to Clyde in the boy's bathroom at school. Tweek jumped, shaking, his eyes blinking, and he pulled at his hair. Tweek felt like he was going insane.

"Woah, hey there, Tweek. You good?" It was Craig's cousin, Red, and Tweek shook a little less.

"S-sorry, I-I was just... N-Nevermind." Tweek shook his head, "anyway, what... what would you like to order?"

"Just some black coffee, if you don't mind." Red smiled, slipping into one of the booths closest to Tweek.

Tweek nodded, "c-coming right up!" and he got some fresh coffee from one of the nearby coffee pots. He poured it into a paper cup, and put a lid on it. He placed it on the counter, and Red got up to take it, handing Tweek a five dollar bill.

"Keep the change." She said, and sat back down in her booth.

"O-oh... Really!? Thanks!" Tweek couldn't help but smile at the girl, who waved a hand in the air casually.

"Don't mention it. You gotta support local businesses and all." Red took a sip of her black coffee, and grimaced. She didn't appear to like it, but took another sip regardless, and Tweek wondered why she was even drinking it in the first place.

"So," Red began, and it started making sense why she was here. Information. "Where did you and my cousin go the other day?"

Tweek was confused, he had no idea what she was talking about. He didn't go out with Craig the other day, in fact, the more Tweek thought about it, he had no idea what he did the other day. The last thing he remembered was watching Disney's 'The Princess and The Frog' on his phone, then breaking up with Craig a little after.

"I don't know what you mean." Tweek answered, and Red raised a brow.

"Look... I saw you two leave school, it's OK that you ditched, you can tell me." Red took another sip of her coffee, "or you don't have to. It's fine."

"N-no... I seriously have no idea what you're talking about. I don't even remember what happened yesterday, It's kind of fuzzy." Tweek replied nervously, and Red's mouth hung agape.

"...You have NO idea what happened yesterday?" Red stared at him, and Tweek's eyes shifted to the floor.

"...No." Tweek said, pulling at his shirt. Red got up from her seat in the booth, and Tweek was caught completely off-guard when Red punched him in the face.

"OW! What was that for? I'm already on edge!" Tweek rubbed his cheek, and Red gasped in shock.

"Oh shit, sorry! I thought if I punched you, you might remember something." Red scratched the side of her head.

"Well, I didn't!" Tweek tried to be angry, but he just couldn't be angry with the girl. Red was just too cool.

"I'm really sorry, again." Red walked back to her booth, staring down at her coffee cup.

"Look. I don't know what's happening between you and Craig, and he's kind of an idiot... but he really cares about you. I can tell."

"Does he, now?" Tweek said, preparing himself a cup of coffee. Might as well. Nobody else appeared to be coming in, and he was getting antsy. He didn't want to think about Craig more than he already did.

"Yeah, he's just going through a tough time because his dad is kind of a dick."

"Wait, what?" Tweek asked, and Red continued,

"Yeah, his dad is kind of homophobic. It really messes with his head and junk," Red's phone rang, and she pulled it out to answer.

"Oh my gosh, hey Annie! Of course I'm going to the game. Yeah, I KNOW... wait, seriously? Ugh. Well, don't worry. I'm sure she'll snap out of it." Red crossed her knees, her smile growing wide. "Yeah, OK. Love you. Bye-bye." Red hung up, and slipped her phone back in her coat pocket.

"Well, that was my girlfriend. Gotta go," Red said, grabbing her coffee cup and placed it in the trash.

"Wait, you and Annie are dating?" Tweek asked, and Red sighed.

"Yup. Oh, by the way, don't tell Monica Ryland any secrets. That bitch can't keep her mouth shut." Red said, and Tweek nodded slowly.

"Uh, gotcha." Tweek replied, and Red left the coffee shop, the bell rung signalling her departure. Tweek grabbed onto his head, and he saw another vision. He was in Craig's body, and he was talking to Craig's dad. Everything was muffled, and he couldn't quite hear what Craig's dad was saying, but he clearly heard Craig say 'bullshit', and he walked out of his house and began walking. The vision faded, and Tweek let out a scream. He really was going insane.

* * *

Craig had gotten changed out of his pajamas, and into his everyday wear. Blue chullo hat, matching blue jacket, black pants, black shoes, you know, the usual getup. When he walked downstairs, Tricia stared up at him, and walked over to give him a big hug. Craig rolled his eyes, and hugged her back.

"Dork," he said, and Tricia glared up at him.

"Don't ever go missing for another day, jerk." Tricia said, and Craig rolled his eyes for the second time. He still had no idea what anyone in his family was talking about, but didn't comment on it. But Craig was sure he would've remember if he was kidnapped or something, right? He was in his room all day. At least, he thought so. He didn't really remember.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Craig replied, and there was a knock on the door. Craig walked over to answer it, and saw that it was Clyde, who jumped when he saw Craig.

"Craig, there you are!" Clyde said, embracing Craig and Craig wasn't sure just how many more hugs he could take. Regardless, he hugged Clyde back.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm back. Whatever!" Craig groaned, and Clyde let go out Craig.

"Yeah, I went over to your house after school yesterday, but your parents said you weren't home. Then I went to go see if you were at Tweek's, but you weren't there, and Tweek wasn't home either!" Clyde frowned, "his parents didn't really seem to care though. Strangest thing."

"Why would I be at Tweek's?" Craig asked angrily.

Clyde rolled his eyes, "aren't you guys, like, dating?"

"No, we broke up!" Craig replied, "well, I broke up with him."

"Wait, why?" Clyde asked, looking hurt, shaking his head, "nevermind. You can tell me at the game, come on."

Craig sighed, "fine. If you really want to start going early." Then he turned towards Tricia, "Tricia, I'm going to the game!"

"What!" Tricia's eyes widened, "well, fine! But text me when you get there, and stay safe!" Craig couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"OK, whatever, mom." Craig said, and walked out of the house with Clyde. As the two began walking, something clicked inside Craig's head. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, now wait just a fucking second.

"Tweek wasn't at his house?" Craig asked, suddenly feeling anxious.

"Yeah, he wasn't there." Clyde nodded, and Craig grabbed onto Clyde's shoulders.

"Well, where is he now!?" Craig was beginning to feel light headed with nervousness, and Clyde raised a brow.

"Easy, Craig. You're getting hysterical. I...I'm sure he's fine now, I mean, Jimmy tried to call earlier, but he wouldn't answer-"

"Well, let's go to his house then." Craig snapped, letting go out Clyde. Clyde gave him a funny look, and Craig groaned. "Look... he may not be my boyfriend anymore, but he's still my friend. I think. And I still worry about him. Platonically."

"Right." Clyde grinned, and the two were headed to Tweek's house.

* * *

"Oh, it's you." Tweek's dad said, when he answered the door, and Craig realized it had been dumb for  _him_ to knock on the door. He should've just had Clyde knock, and wait by the bushes or something. Instead he knocked, and Clyde stood beside him.

"Uh, hey-"

"Look, if you're going to tell me how to raise my son again, you can just forget it."

"Uh, no. I was just..." Craig scratched the side of his head.

"We were just wondering where he is. We haven't seen him since Thursday at school." Clyde said, and the more Craig thought about it, the more he wondered if he was even at school on Thursday. If he had been, he certainly didn't remember it.

"...Oh. Well he's out working in the coffee shop, brewing some of our delicious coffee, made from local ingredients." Tweek's dad replied, and Craig stared at him in disbelief. Craig moved his head to get a clearer view on inside the house, and saw Tweek's mom sitting on the couch, watching TV.

"He's... working at the shop." Craig stated.

"That's right." Tweek's dad confirmed.

"Alone. On a Friday night."

"Well, you're just right as rain, aren't you?" Tweek's dad laughed, and Craig grabbed onto his middle finger, walking away. Clyde followed after him.

"Don't flip them off, Tucker, it's just not worth it..." He muttered to himself, balling his fists, and sighed. Clyde just stared at Craig, and said nothing. But Clyde was staring so intensely, that it bothered Craig, and Craig groaned.

"What?" Craig asked, at the two continued walking.

"Sorry, it's just..." Clyde sighed, "how DID you break up with Tweek?"

"Thought you wanted to wait until the game." Craig replied, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Clyde scratched the side of his head, "yeah, but it just... it makes no sense to me. You guys are like, the perfect couple." Then, suddenly, Craig remembered something. Lightly, Craig slapped Clyde across the face.

"Ouch, hey!" Clyde frowned, "OK, it didn't hurt that much, but still, what was that for?" Clyde asked, and Craig flipped him off.

"I was holding back, and that's for setting me up with Tweek. Dick." Craig said, and Clyde feigned a gasp.

"What - me, set you up with Tweek? No!" Clyde acted shocked, shaking his head, and Craig rolled his eyes for what felt like the billionth time that day.

"I literally saw you spying on us in the bushes. Plus, we walked over to you guys afterwards." Craig pointed out, "by the way, what happened with you and Token? Did that ever get resolved?"

Clyde blinked, "me and  _who?"_

Craig sighed, "look Clyde, don't just pretend to not know who I'm talking about. Token's been like your best friend forever, you can't just ignore him because things are awkward." Funny, coming from Craig.

" _Your_ my best friend." Clyde replied, ignoring most of what Craig had said.

"One of."

"Right, of course. I feel kind of bad for forgetting Jimmy."

Craig sighed, "you need to talk to him, dude."

"There's nothing to say!" Clyde exclaimed, but then he realized the direction they were headed in. "Hey, you're taking us to the school. Not Tweak Bros. What happened?"

"Well, now that I know Tweek is safe, there's no reason to go check on him." Craig replied nonchalantly.

"That's fucked up. Come on, man. He's working alone all by himself. He needs company."

"There's customers."

"Come on, Craig." Clyde rolled his eyes, "who goes out to Tweak Bros. on game night? You can just buy coffee at the game!" Clyde threw his hands in the airs, but then suddenly, an idea formed.

"If you talk to Tweek, I'll talk to Token." Clyde offered, and Craig sighed. He didn't have time for this. He just wanted to enjoy the game. OK, that was partially a lie. Craig never really paid attention to the game, mostly going there just for atmosphere and to hang out with his friends. Plus, there was not much to do in South Park. It was boring.

"Look, I just want to go to the game, alright? I'll talk to him  _tomorrow."_  Craig complied, before stopping himself,  _"maybe."_

"You won't regret it, Craig." Clyde smiled, but then frowned, "but I just might." Thinking back to his ex-best friend, Clyde realized his life was about to get awkward, messy, and complicated.


	15. Rumors, Flowers, and Taco Bell

Red had a stupid grin on her face, as she sat down on the bleachers watching her girlfriend cheer in the field. Right now her life was awesome, her girlfriend was ridiculously cute and a cheerleader and she liked her back. She pulled out her phone examining her text which she sent her father, Skeeter, a few days ago.

_'o btw dad i have a girlfriend_ ' Red texted to him, and all her dad could reply with was ' _wish i had me one of those'_ , which made Red feel relieved, she had no idea how her dad would react, but was just glad the he took her kindly.

The football game was packed, as the usual home games were. Still, Red sat by herself, but she didn't mind. She was comfortable enough with herself to sit alone. From the crowd, out in the field, she saw her girlfriend, Annie Knitts wave in her direction. Red felt her cheeks warm up, and it wasn't due to the cold. Giddily, Red wave right back, unable to shake the stupid grin off her face.

She felt someone sit down next to her, and she wondered who it could be. Maybe one of her non-cheerleader friends showed up, and she turned to see that it was Esther.

"Hey, Es." Red smiled normally, "what's up?"

"It's Millie," Esther sighed, "I seriously think she's trying to cut us off, or something. Does she seriously think she can do that? We live in a small town for Christ's sake! I don't know why she's spreading all these awful rumors. What happened to her? She's such a bitch now!"

Red frowned, staring at Esther, who just sighed. "OK, OK. And I would totally miss her, alright?" Esther snapped, and Red hopped off the bleachers.

"Where is she? I want to talk to her." Red crossed her arms, and Esther sighed.

"I don't know. She ran off. " Esther sighed, and Red rolled her eyes.

"Sometimes, I don't know about that girl." Red shook her head, and Esther got up.

"I'm gonna go back and sit with Isla and Theresa. You with?" Esther asked.

"Def." Red replied, and the two began walking up the bleachers, towards the other girls.

* * *

Kyle was lying down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. What do you say, when your best friend was in love with you? Do you love them back?  _Did_  Kyle love him back? Conflicting thoughts filled Kyle's mind, he did feel closer to Stan more than anyone else. Kyle had tried dating girls, but it never really worked out, his last relationship was with Sally Turner in the ninth grade, but he didn't really feel much for her, and cancelled plans with her in favor of hanging out with Stan... which he realized was a dick move, and broke up with her.

When Stan confessed to Kyle, he wasn't so sure what to feel, but it was starting to make somewhat sense. OK, so maybe  _he_  did like Stan. Maybe he did want to be his boyfriend, and do... boyfriend stuff. Kyle felt his face flush, and he sat up in his bed, pulling at his hat. Oh my god, he had a crush on his best friend and he's been ignoring him since Thursday. He didn't even go to school today, and told his mom he was sick. Oh my god, he had to talk to Stan now!

His phone buzzed, and saw that the group chat with him, Stan, and Butters had a new message. From who else, but Cartman. He was the only one who had really been talking in the group chat since Thursday, sending RIP vine compilations. Kyle was just surprised he wasn't making any comments about Stan's revelations, but he was guessing Cartman still fucking thought they were a couple for reals, like most everyone else.

Anyways, Kyle read the new messages that were sent by Cartman in the group chat.

_where r u guys seriously im at the game no1s here_

_well stans playing football. thats pretty gay. butters? jew?_

Kyle rolled his eyes, and let out a groan. He was beginning to question why he even hung out with Cartman in the first place. Kyle was thinking he just might not go to the game, but then realized it might be a good idea to talk to Stan after. Ugh. That meant Kyle was going to have to get dressed out of his pajamas. He was  _not_  looking forward to that.

He saw Butter's response, ' _sorry, can't make it tonite. im grounded.'_

Well, that sucked. Kyle was still going, he had to talk to Stan.

_'Yeah, whatever. I'm going to go, I just might be a little late.'_ Kyle typed out, and hopped out of bed. Before putting on clothes, Kyle wondered...

Should he bring flowers?

Shaking his head, he went downstairs to find his mother sitting in the recliner, a book in her hands. Nervously, he held his hands behind his back.

"Hey mom, I'm thinking of going to the game tonight, if that's okay?" Kyle asked sheepishly, and his mother raised a brow.

"Well, yeah, sure, but I thought you were sick bubbe." Sheila set her book down, placing a bookmark in it and stared at her son, who was fumbling.

"Uh, I uh... I just feel a lot better now, and well I kind of want to see my friends. It's, um... well, Stan's playing in the game, and I kind of want to see him" Kyle bit his lip, and his mother raised a brow. She had heard about the rumors, and she talked about them with her husband and they both agreed they loved Kyle no matter what he identified as. Still, they haven't brought it up, but now it seemed a better time to than never.

"Now Kyle, I just want you to know that your father and I support you, and we love you very much." Sheila began, "Stan's good for you. He's such a sweet boy, and you guys were such great friends. I hope you bring him over for dinner later."

Kyle groaned, " _mom._ It's not, it's..." Kyle felt his face heat up, "I'm just... I'm just going to get ready for the game, OK?" Kyle mumbled, and walked upstairs.

* * *

Butters only occasionally went to the games, but tonight was not that night. He couldn't sleep, but he didn't feel like surrounding himself with people. Whenever he went to the game, he usually went with Stan's group. Over the years, Butters had found his way towards their group again, and they even treat Butters with some human decency sometimes.

_'sorry, can't make it tonite. im grounded.'_

Not technically a lie, but Butters Stotch wouldn't have gone to the game whether he was grounded or not. He recalled his conversation with Kenny from two days ago.

_"I'll be there by Friday, Saturday the latest."_

Butters sighed, got down from his bed, and onto the floor. "Please..." Butters let his face fall on his bed, "Kenny, please come back..." his voice now muffled, his head hurting from all the chaos going on in his life right now. It was too much, even for him.

"I need you..."

Butters felt a chill go down his spine, then wind blowing against him. His eyes glistened, on the verge of tears, and he looked up from his position and saw the window had been cracked open. Turning his head, he let out a gasp, and then he smiled.

"Did you need me, or did you need Mysterion?" Mysterion stood before him, looking just as perfect as Butters remembered.

Quickly, Butters reached for his desk light, flickering it on, then continued to stare at the boy.

"K-Kenny! I, uh I mean, M-Mysterion! You're here!" Butters exclaimed in a hushed whisper. Mysterion nodded, and took off his hood. His blond hair was matted, and Butters's heart fluttered. He knew he missed his friend, but he didn't realize just how much he did until he was standing right in from of him. Butters pulled Mysterion into a quick hug, which caused Mysterion's eyes to widened. Awkwardly, Mysterion returned the hug.

Butters pulled apart from the hug, "look, I know I said I need your help, but..."

Mysterion raised a brow, "but what, Butters? You didn't call me here to mess with me, did you?" Mysterion put his hood back on in a huff, "unless you really do miss me THAT much..."

Butters smiled, shaking his head. "I do miss you THAT much. I think about you all the time, but uh... a lot of drama has happened, and I'm gonna have to fill you in for stuff to make any sense."

Mysterion took a seat on Butters's bed, "well if you need my help, you're going to have to start back from the beginning. I haven't been kept up to date with all the stuff that's been going on in this town."

Butters frowned, "none of the guys kept contact with you while you were gone?"

Mysterion shook his head, a solemn look on his face. "No... it hurts, but I guess I understand. They were so used to seeing me everyday that it felt weird not talking in person."

"Well... OK. I guess I'll start from the beginning. It all started Monday, rumors were going around school about Stan and Kyle being gay, but something much more..." Butters thought for a moment. "Something much more out of control was going on..."

* * *

"Dude, you're acting stupid." Craig said, and Clyde rolled his eyes. They were walking under the bleachers; they had tried to pay attention to the game, but Clyde was mostly watching his girlfriend, Bebe, from the crowds while Craig was bored out of his mind. Somehow, Craig had convinced Clyde to just... walk around with him.

"Nu-uh. It's true! I heard it from Kelly Pinkerton."

Craig stared at him in disbelief, "Kelly Pinkerton-Tinfurter? Isn't she like, a pathological liar or something."

"That's..." Clyde stopped in his tracks, and thought for a moment. "That's not  _true..._  is it?"

"No, but you see? That's how rumors get started." Craig said, and Clyde stared at him in disbelief.

"OK, now you're acting stupid." Clyde lightly punched Craig in the shoulder, and the two continued walking, but stopped when they heard loud coughing.

"Oh look, there's that Millie girl." Clyde glared, and Craig raised a brow. "I don't like her."

Craig was confused, as far as he was concerned, Millie hadn't done anything... wrong. But he really didn't keep up with the girls' drama in South Park High like Clyde did. "...Why's that?" Craig asked, though it was more like a statement.

Clyde sighed, shaking his head, "WELL, Isla told Theresa who told Ashley who told Esther who told BEBE..." Clyde leaned in, and then whispered. "That Millie's been telling people that Bebe had an abortion. She's probably just pissed because she used to be a cheerleader, but got kicked off the team because she smokes. "

Craig just stared at Clyde, who glared at Craig. "WHICH by the way, NO, Bebe hasn't had an abortion. She assured me. So obviously I hate her now... Millie."

"...Right." Craig was confused, and then waved at Millie, who was leaning against the fence.. "Hey, Millie." Clyde stared at Craig angrily, but Craig ignored him. Craig didn't know why, but he kind of cared about Millie. It didn't make much sense considering the two hardly ever interacted. Millie kind of reminded him of his little sister, Tricia. Maybe it was the strawberry blonde pigtails?

"Sup, Craig." Millie greeted, tossing a burnt cigarette to the ground. Craig walked closer to the girl, and Clyde groaned but followed closely behind. "Want one?" She asked, offering him a cigarette.

Craig wasn't sure what to say, but thought maybe if he did, he could find out what was up with Millie. You know, get on her good side. But he's never smoked a cigarette before. "Sure," he said, and she handed the cigarette to him. Clyde stared at him and gawked, while Craig held it awkwardly between his fingers. He tried putting it in his mouth and 'smoking' it, but started coughing profusely. Millie's hazed face suddenly bore a look of concern.

"Hey, you alright?" She asked, and Craig nodded.

"Uh, yeah." Craig avoided her gaze, and looked at Clyde who was crossing his arms. "I've just never smoked before, actually."

This surprised Millie, "ah," she said. She then slapped the cigarette out of Craig's hands, and he jumped, and stared at her.

"Well, you shouldn't start." Millie shoved her hands into her pockets, looking off into the distance. "It's bad."

Craig frowned, "well you shouldn't either. Smoke, I mean."

Millie stood up straight, and stretched. "Yeah, I know." She let out a yawn right after, and rubbed her tired eyes. "Heard it all before."

Craig was about to say something, but then he squinted. He saw a green and orange blob running towards the ticket booth in the distance. The person grabbed their ticket, and ran towards them, and Craig quickly realized it was none other than Kyle Broflovski.

Kyle stood by Millie, hunched over, and place a hand on the fence. He appeared to be out of breathe, almost like he had run here.

"H...Hey..." Kyle said in between breathes, and he wiped his forehead with his other hand, which he was holding a bouquet of flowers in for some fucking reason.

"Have you guys seen Cartman?" Kyle asked, and Craig made a look of digust.

"Please don't tell me  _those_  are for Cartman." Craig said, monotone, though on the inside he was grimacing. Kyle stared down at the bouquet of flowers, gasping, and glared at Craig, shaking his head profusely.

"No way, dude! That's sick! They're for Stan!" Kyle frowned, and let his hands rest at his sides.

"I saw Cartman earlier, he was way up in the bleachers. He was sitting alone. I almost thought he was talking to someone, but he was just talking to himself... and giggling." Millie said, and Clyde rolled his eyes.

"Sounds like a rumor. Right, Craig?" Clyde asked, and Craig stifled a laugh.

"No, I believe it." Craig said, "Cartman's always up to something stupid. I don't even know why you hang around him." Craig told Kyle, but it's not like Kyle was any better. In fact, Stan's whole group was pretty much all bad news.

"Yeah, I know." Kyle sighed, "anyways, who's winning?"

"I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. It must be us though, because North Park fucking sucks." Craig said, but then quickly spoke again, "not that I have school spirit or anything."

"Well, North Park's football team does suck. But it's a question of who sucks more; North Park, or South Park?" Kyle pointed out, then shook his head. "Look, whatever. I'm going to go find Cartman." Kyle began walking off.

"You know, I think I'll join you!" Clyde shouted, and turned to stare at Craig, "later, Craig. Millie." Clyde ran off, trailing after Kyle.

"I take it he doesn't like me." Millie raised a brow, then proceeded to frown.

Craig shrugged, "yeah, excuse him. He doesn't really like you, because of some rumor you started. Something about Bebe having an abortion?"

Millie shrugged back in response, "that freaking bitch," she sighed, and Craig stared at her in confusion.

"Oh, I mean that in the friendliest way possible. I really like Bebe, but she won't listen to me. Once she has her mind made up about something, she doesn't change it." Millie smiled.

"But I didn't start those rumors." Millie crossed her arms, biting her lip, she looked nervously from left to right.

"Uh-huh," Craig nodded, and Millie grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Look. I don't know who to tell, but you're standing right here so I'm just going to say it: someone is out to get me."

Craig stared at her in disbelief, "what?" shaking his head in confusion, "I'm sorry, but... can you elaborate please?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was all just so sudden, and out of nowhere.

Millie was beginning to seem hysterical, clasping her hands together nervously. "It all started last Saturday, I had an interview for that new Taco Bell that opened up a while ago."


	16. Haunting Memories and Boy Troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Millie explains her situation, Eric Cartman has a boyfriend, and Token and Tweek have a conversation.

The mention of Taco Bell made Craig feel uneasy, which Craig could only assume because the last time he went there was with Tweek, and the two had been set up by their rowdy friends. That HAD been the last time he had went, right...? His memory was beginning to feel a bit foggy, that seemed like such a long time ago.

"What... what happened at Taco Bell?" Craig asked, and Millie began to pace in circles.

"I passed the interview, the person interviewing me was a total peach, or so they seemed. They just kept complimenting me. I was beginning to consider Taco Bell a second home." Millie's arms sprung in the air, "it really doesn't take much to work at Taco Bell! After the interview, they told me I had to get ready for 'phase two' of the interview." Craig stared at her weirdly, as she continued. "I was like, 'well gee, that's weird.' but went along with it." Millie tapped her fingers together nervously, and Craig was so confused.

"Well, that IS kind of weird. I guess." Craig sniffled, allergies getting to him.

"Yes, and then... well, then, they made me agree to all these strange rules. But not before asking me if I have ever heard of death neurons." Millie felt a lump form in her throat as she remembered, and Craig raised a brow. For some reason, the word 'death neurons' sounded familiar, but he's sure he's never heard of them before.

"Death Neurons." He stated, and she nodded her head.

"Apparently, when you die, these death neurons flicker in your body, sending signals to your brain to shut off the body. Or something like that, I can't remember..." Millie felt sick, as she continued, "they asked me a bunch of questions, but I was beginning to feel real uneasy at that point, and I knew I had to get out of there. Once my interviewer left the room to go fetch some papers, I bolted out of there."

Craig was finding it hard to believe what Millie was telling him. Or why Millie was telling  _him._ "What... why... huh?" Craig was trying to form an intelligent sentence, but it didn't seem to be working at the moment.

"I haven't told anyone." Millie sighed, turning around, and crossing her arms. "no one would believe me anyways. I've only told you so far."

She turned back around to face him, "you're the only person I really know that isn't completely pissed of with me at the moment. All my friends have turned on me, and I know it's darn silly to think it has something to do with Taco Bell, but I..." Millie let her arms fall to her sides, and she stared down at the floor dejectedly. "Literally everyday since that interview has been a living hell. Someone is watching me. I've been getting these notes in my locker." Millie pulled out three pieces of papers from her coat pocket, handing them to Craig who analyzed them.

_YOU KNOW TOO MUCH,_ read the first note.  _DEATH WILL DEVALUE,_ read the second note. The third note was the most bizarre of them all, saying ' _yyay oyay uyay say may eyay lay lay'._

"OK, well first off that third note makes no sense whatsoever." Craig pointed out, and Millie nodded.

"Yah, I know. At first, I thought the notes were from that transfer student girl, Phyllis, because she's been out to get me. She literally stealing all my friends!" Millie huffed, then continued.

"She's making up all these rumors about me too, and I just don't know what to do." Millie placed a hand on her forehead, and Craig raised a brow. He thought Millie was pretty chill, but honestly this situation was a bit fucked up and Craig couldn't even give his usual shitty advice because he had nothing. He tried picturing himself in her situation, but he realized if he were ever in such a situation he'd ignore the problem until it would eventually go away.

In fact, that seemed to be the way Craig dealt with almost all his problems. Huh.

Moving along, Craig had a sudden thought. "Wait, is it safe for you to tell me all this?" Craig thought, and Millie shrugged.

"I didn't actually think about that. I'm sorry." Millie ran her fingers through the back of her hair, and sighed. "I've been so stressed lately, and I just needed to vent about it, I guess." she laughed awkwardly.

"I guess that makes sense." Craig replied, even though he didn't really understand. "It all sounds pretty crazy to be honest but," Craig stared at her, noticing her smile fall and Craig thought maybe, just maybe she was telling the truth. As far as Craig was concerned, he never did anything wrong to Millie in his life, as did she... plus, who could even come up with this stuff on their own?

"I guess I believe you, yeah." Craig stated. "I mean, it doesn't make any sense, sure." Millie rolled her eyes, leaning against the fence. "But then again, most things that happen in this shit town doesn't make any sense. I can't really give you any advice. But fuck, good luck I guess."

"Oh, thanks, dude. A good luck is all I can hope for." Millie sat down on the ground, and Craig stared off into the distance.

"...I'm going to go find Clyde. You gonna be alright?" Craig asked, and Millie nodded.

"I'm fine. I like being alone, anyways. Clears my head. See ya." Millie waved, and Craig trudged off.

Millie Larsen. Just another victim to one of South Park's crazy fucking shenanigans.

* * *

Jimmy had sat next to Cartman, and had been the past few minutes. Jimmy didn't really mind Eric, but Eric was acting pretty weird. Jimmy had saw Cartman talking to himself before and Jimmy thought, why not? He decided to sit next to him, most of the time he was busy eating cheesy poofs to actually talk to Jimmy.

"Hey Jims. Games pretty fucking sweet, right?" Cartman asked, licking his cheesy fingers.

"Well, I-"

"That was a rhetorical question." Cartman stopped him, and Jimmy frowned.

"I d-don't t-think y-you know what that word uh, m-means." Suddenly, Kyle approached the two, holding flowers for some reason.

"There you are, fuck!" Kyle sat down next to Jimmy, setting the flowers down in his own lap. Eric raised a brow, and gawked at Kyle.

"Uhm, excuse you. I have a boyfriend. And uh, so do you, you freaking thot." Cartman stated simply, and Kyle raised a brow, before realizing what he meant.

"These aren't for you! Jesus, fuck and-" Kyle stopped himself. Wait just one fucking second. What did Cartman just say?

"You have a boyfriend...? How? And when?" Kyle was surprised, and Eric rolled his eyes. It wasn't so much as Cartman being gay or bi or whatever, it was more of the fact that Cartman, Eric-freaking-Cartman was in a relationship. With someone. In order for that to happen, someone had to like Cartman. The feeling had to be mutual. There was just no way someone liked Cartman. I mean, come on now.

"Look, I'm not going to sit here and explain my complex love life to you, Kyle. It'd take all day. Besides, I wouldn't want to upgay you or anything."

"W-what's upgay?" Jimmy asked, followed by a lopsided smile. Cartman burst into immediate laughter, and all Kyle could do was stare.

"You and Jimmy...?" Kyle asked, and Jimmy shook his head.

"N-no. I'm a... I'm a l-ladie's man."

"Ah," Kyle shook his head, "seems to be a dying species for the youth of South Park."

Jimmy nodded in agreement, "s-seems to be." With the way things were going, Jimmy would be the only straight man left in all of South Park. Except for Clyde... maybe. Clyde had come off as straight, but with the Clyde and Token tea Jimmy just wasn't sure anymore. Jimmy was pretty sure his two friends would end up together, or at least hoped so... anything would be better than ignoring each other, which is what they seemed to be doing now.

As Cartman continued laughing, and Kyle seemed to be staring off into the distance (probably oggling Stan, who was currently in the fields), Jimmy wondered...

Where _was_  Token?

He knew where Clyde was, because Clyde was in his vision, appearing to be running towards them. "Hey dudes," he said, with a huff and sat down.

"H-hey man." Jimmy smiled, as Cartman began to wipe away his tears from laughing so hard.

"Oh man. Oh, dude, you missed it. Jimmy just told the most hilarious joke." Cartman grinned, and Clyde's eyes widened.

"What! Jimmy, tell the joke again. Can't believe I missed it." Clyde begged, taking a spot next to Kyle. Kyle thought the joke wasn't that funny, but he didn't comment because Jimmy was a really cool guy.

"No dude, it's one of those 'you had to be there' moments. Right, Jims?" Cartman asked, and before Jimmy could speak, Clyde looked at him with sparkly eyes.

"Aww, c'mon! Please?" Clyde clasped his hands together.

"W-what's upgay?" Jimmy asked, and Clyde glared.

"That's not funny, Jimmy. I'm not gay." Clyde's demeanor changed, and crossed his arms, "I have a girlfriend!" Clyde motioned towards Bebe who was out in the fields, cheerleading, and Jimmy frowned.

"N-no, that's the j-joke." Jimmy stated, and Clyde rolled his eyes.

"Well Jimmy, it could use some polishing." Clyde pouted, and Jimmy frowned.

"Well, Cartman's right. It was one of those you-had-to-be-there moments." Kyle pointed out, and Clyde groaned.

"Come on guys. Let's just watch the game, OK?" Clyde asked, and Cartman fucking sighed.

"God damn it, I fucking hate Clyde." Cartman muttered under his breathe, he was pissed, but then he remembered his boyfriend and sighed contently.

* * *

So much for the high school experience. The blinding lights of the floodlights burning his retinas,the overall loudness, all the shouting, the noise... Tweek hated it all, but he had this gut feeling like he was wasting his time, wasting away in his parents' coffee shop. He could always go to next game, but the few times Tweek did go to the games, he always left way too early, proving to be a waste of five dollars. He sighed, sitting in a booth, staring down at the bitter black liquid in his mug.

Nobody ever did come in, not during game day. You could just buy your coffee at the game. Tweek didn't really care about the game. He cared about his friends. Clyde, Jimmy, Token, and hell, even Craig. Even though the latter was being kind of a dick at the moment, Tweek cared about Craig. A lot.

"Why the FUCK did he kiss me..." Tweek muttered, placing his hands on his head, staring down at the coffee. "Why did he do that, and push me away..." He shook his head, sat up straight, and took a sip of the coffee. He stared back at the door, and noticed a familiar friend standing by, getting ready to open said door. The bells chimed, signaling a customer, and Tweek's head began to hurt.  _Not again,_ the twitchy blond thought, and he saw another vision: he was in the library, with himself, and oh would you look at that he was in Craig's body again. He saw himself throw a blu-ray of the 2002 Scooby Doo movie to the floor, and he was complaining about something, but it was muffled. The two walked out of the library, and he heard himself vividly saying  _"oh fuck, sorry."_

Blinking, his head snapping out of that thought, he let out a yelp. Token, who entered the store, rushed over to Tweek, and gave him a look of concern.

"Tweek! Are you OK, man?" Token asked, and Tweek nodded, although shaking.

"Y-yeah, I've just been having these crazy thoughts, dude." Tweek sighed, and let out a grunt. Token looked at him sympathetically, and Tweek stood up.

"Oh! So do you want me to fix you some coffee, or-"

"Nah, man. It's cool." Token said. "I was just walking around, and saw you all alone in here. So I came to hang, if that's OK."

Tweek nodded, "GAH it's... it's fine. Hardly anyone's ever came in today, anyways."

Token sighed, "game day, am I right?" a smile now on his face.

The two laughed, awkwardly. "Haha, yeah." Tweek stared off into the corner of the shop, then frowned.

"Hey..." Tweek began, and Token looked at him.

"Yeah?" Token asked, and Tweek tapped his fingers against the table.

"How're things with you and Clyde? I-I can't imagine..." Tweek hesistated, before continuing. "I can't imagine how you must feel right now, dude."

Token sighed, "honestly, I haven't talked to him since that day. I can't believe I confessed to him in the most immature, and stupid way possible. I was being a total dick."

Tweek shrugged, "sometimes when you're in love, you can act like a dick sometimes. Even if you didn't mean to." Tweek thought about Craig, and wondering if the boy wearing the chullo hat really did like him like he said not too long ago.

"I have to talk to him." Token looked down, "I don't know how, because fuck... but I have to. I made things awkward just because I couldn't keep my feelings in check... but I miss him so much. I just want to be friends again. I don't care if he doesn't like me the way I do."

Tweek nodded, "it hurts, doesn't it?" Tweek thought about all those years he liked Craig. He's probably liked him since fifth grade. How long has it been? What was his life like, before he liked him? Tweek honestly can't remember thinking of the boy as just a friend. "I really hope things work out between you and Clyde. I know Clyde really does care about you, he's probably just really confused..."

"Yeah, I guess so." Token stood up, "I feel a lot better now. You think I can have a mocha to go?"

Tweek got up, dusting off his apron. "Of course, man. That's why I'm here." Tweek walked behind the counter, and prepared Token's drink. Token stared up at the ceiling, a small smile on his face, and Tweek placed Token's mocha down on the counter. Token handed Tweek a ten dollar bill.

"Keep the change," Token smiled, and Tweek grinned.

"Hey, thanks." Tweek placed the money in the cash register. "Y-you sure?"

"Of course." Token replied, grabbing his drink and heading towards the door. "Gotta support local businesses, y'know."

Tweek couldn't argue with that. Also, he didn't want to argue.

"OH! And, Token?" Tweek called out, before Token could exit. Token jumped, but stared back at Tweek.

"Yes, Tweek?" He asked, a neutral expression on his face.

"G-good luck." Tweek smiled, twitching. Token couldn't help but smile back.

"Thanks. I need it." Token waved, leaving the establishment. The bell ringing as he departed, Token was going to go on a long walk home, so he could reevaluate things. Think about his life. Think about Clyde, and what to say and how to say it.

Meanwhile, back at Tweak Bros. Coffee, Tweek had another vision. He was in Craig's body, and saw himself, ordering nachos at Taco Bell. The cashier said something, and the next thing he knew the two of them had bolted for the door, and Craig had said something all muffled, but he was cut off and the vision went black.

Tweek shook his head, and let out a shrill scream.


	17. Why Not?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the game, everyone decides to get IHOP.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys. i just ate some cereal but anyways sorry for not updating for like almost a month. i was busy NOT doing my homework hehe :) finals happened and NOW I'M ON BREAK I'm not sure if it means more updates. Also this chapter took a long time to write because i was trying to incorporate a sleepover which was hard to do and I realized "wait a second, that's stupid" and got rid of that, dw tho there probably will be a sleepover chapter later... but like way later lol. waaaaaayyyy  
> ALSO I wrote a new story y'all should read it. If you want. It's also creek and I plan on including some wendy and tweek friendship and the like. just go on my profile it's the only other story it's called "this summer"... total promoing my own stories lol  
> Anyways back to this story... hope y'all enjoy

If there was anything Millie Larsen hated, it was being alone. Not many people knew that. Not only being alone, but she also hated South Park, which kinda went with living in the town. Most kids hated South Park, or never bothered forming much of an opinion on it, remaining neutral. That was Millie, up until awhile ago. She was beginning to feel as if this town was crazy, or something. Death neurons... what a way to spook someone, going on and on about nonsense.

Millie's cheeks were red from the cold, and she stared up at the late-November sky. The game had ended, a close score, 42-38. The cows were victorious, yet again. It seemed to be a good season for them. Millie could care less.

From her spot from behind the bleachers, she heard the sound of girlish laughter, and saw some cheerleaders walking her way. Wendy, Bebe, Jenny, Lola, Heidi, Phyllis and Annie. Esther and Red were also there, and Red was holding hands with her girlfriend. They all appeared to be having a good time, but as they walked past Millie, Phyllis and Bebe halted. Bebe turned to glare at Millie. All Millie did was stare before she sighed and rolled her eyes, as Bebe walked back to join the girls, Phyllis frowned in Bebe's direction. Phyllis smiled at Millie, waving at her and Millie returned the gesture.

"Phyllis come on!" Red shouted, and Phyllis jumped, and Phyllis ran towards the other girls, her blonde bob bouncing as she did so. The minute Phyllis walked away, Millie frowned once more.

"Two-faced skank," Millie muttered, before getting up, putting her hands into her pockets and walking off. She just hoped Phyllis was having fun with her friends.

Millie felt a lump form in her throat and wanted to get out of the game as soon as possible. Why did she even  _go_  anyways? Her friends were upset with her, because she was acting "different", she was "spreading rumors", she was doing all sorts of things that she wasn't actually doing. Millie supposed she was acting a bit more distanced than usual, but you would too if someone was spreading rumors about you spreading rumors... high school drama is complicated.

Millie climbed the wired fence, and hopped down, heading in the opposite direction of her ex-friends. She wasn't too sure if she should go home or not, Flora was having a sleepover with one of her nerdy little friends, and Millie wasn't in the mood of watching all three seasons of  _Dog with a Blog._ Maybe she would just occupy herself by walking around town.

Not far off from the bleachers, was Stan Marsh, star of the football team, who had just gotten out of the locker room after hitting the showers and getting changed. He was walking towards the parking lot, when a teammate caught up with him and patted Stan on the shoulder.

"Great game out there, Marsh." Chris Donnely, a fellow classmate and football teammate grinned. "If it weren't for you, we would've lost."

"Thanks Chris. That means a lot." Stan smiled back, and Chris nodded.

"Listen. Some other football players and I are going to join the cheerleaders for a victory dinner at IHOP, and you're welcome to join us if you like."

Stan shook his head, "nah, I think I'd rather stay here... I need some time to think. Besides, you know..." Stan rubbed the back of his neck, "Wendy..."

"Oh, right of course. I can't keep up with all the nonsense that goes on this school. I'll be seeing you then." Chris began walking off, though turned his head, "I'm not too sure what's happened between you and Wendy, but I'm always here to talk!"

"Yeah, OK Chris." Stan waved goodbye, and leaned against a lamp post in the parking lot. He let out a long exasperated sigh. Life was really confusing. At the beginning of this week, he had been dating Wendy Testaburger,  _sure_  they had their disagreements, but they were doing a heck of a lot better than they were in middle school. Then all the sudden he gets accused of cheating on her with Kyle, and then he actually realizes that  _yeah,_  OK, maybe he actually _likes_  Kyle, you know,  _like that._ Then he actually confesses to Kyle in the most dumbest situation possible.

That was his life, or well, life in South Park in general. A series of the most dumbest situations possible. Kyle hadn't answered any of his messages or calls and he was probably really freaked out. Stan was too! One minute, a guy is your best friend, and the next you realize just how much you wanna do dumb couple stuff like hold hands and shit that's so  _embarrassing_  Stan doesn't even want to think about.

He does anyway.

And then, almost as if by some magic, he heard his voice. "Stan!"

Stan's head snapped instantly at the sound of his super best friend's voice, Stan stands up straight against the pole, and Kyle runs towards him, Stan notices Jimmy and Cartman are with him too.

"Kyle!" Stan clears his throat, "uh, h-hey dude!"

Kyle was now in front of Stan, his hands behind his back, and Cartman kicked Kyle in the back of his leg, causing Kyle to drop something in shock, and Kyle turned to glare at Cartman.

"HEY!" Kyle furrowed his brows, "you're ruining this dude, I told you that if-"

"Kyle? Kyle, you dropped these." Stan picked up the flowers Kyle dropped and Kyle turned to look at Stan and a look of horror was on Kyle's face. This was not going as planned. He was going to say something totally romantic, and sweep Stan off his feet! Even then, he wasn't even sure if THAT would work.

"Keep them!" Kyle blurted out and mentally kicked himself. "They're, um, for you."

"Oh!" Stan smiled down at the flowers that were now his in his hands. Stan didn't really care for flowers, but right now, he wanted to own a large meadow filled with flowers, of which he cultivated by himself, and Kyle watch him in amazement as he drove a large blimp in the sky, fireworks going off into the distance, spelling the words "I LOVE YOU KYLE (AND THESE FLOWERS)" across the twinkling night sky. "Thanks, dude"

"No problem. Hey, uh..." Kyle bit his lip, "listen, I've been thinking about what you said, and I, um..."

"Y-yeah? And?" Stan replied, hopefully.

"I think," Kyle grabbed onto Stan's hands, staring at them, swinging them up and down. "I think I might like you too. I kind of want to see where this goes," Kyle looked up at Stan nervously, "i-if you're up for it."

Stan's immediate thoughts were 'I have never been more up for anything in my life', but he had stopped himself from saying this. "Yes! Yes, dude." Stan embraced Kyle, "I don't think you know just how happy you've made me."

Kyle let go of the embrace, and tilted his head, causing Stan's heart to flutter. "It's not too soon?" Kyle asked, "I mean, it was Monday when you broke up with Wendy, dude. That was like, only four days ago."

"No, dude this is alright." Stan wrapped an arm around Kyle, "I'm over it. I could get used to this, super boyfriend."

Kyle grinned, "You're my super boyfriend, too." He wrapped his arm around his now-boyfriend's waist, and the two walked away, stupidly in love. It was so sappy that Jimmy thought Cartman would barf.

But Cartman didn't, and in fact, Cartman smiled and sighed as he watched his two friends leave. He even looked  _happy_  for them.

"So cute..." Cartman cooed, to add to Jimmy's confusion.

"Well, a-alright then." Jimmy stated, and examined the area. Where was Clyde? Clyde said he was going to run off to look for Craig awhile ago, as the stoic boy had been nowhere in sight, not even near Millie where Clyde said 'Craig left himself there to rot'. Clyde could be such a drama queen.

"Well anyways, I'm going to go get some IHOP. I'm fucking starving. What a day, huh Jimmy? Don't answer that. I fucking love life." Cartman stretched, and began walking away.

"IHOP?" Clyde cried, running towards Jimmy and Cartman, while also holding onto Craig's hand, and Cartman halted. "I want some IHOP!"

"Uh..." Craig responded, not really in the mood for some pancakes. He was kind of hoping he could go home and just relax for a bit. He had taken a small detour before coming over to 'watch the game' and by small detour that actually meant he was just taking a break from people to think about things. His life, you know, and how it was pretty much a ball of stress.

"Y-you know, that's not actually a bad i-idea. Why don't we all go t-together?" Jimmy asked, with a lopsided smile. Craig couldn't say no. Have you ever actually _seen_  one of Jimmy's smiles?

"I mean. Why not?" Craig sighed, and Cartman nodded.

"I suppose I could... drive us there." Cartman smirked, and Clyde's eyes widened.

"You can drive? A car?" Clyde asked with amazement, and Craig furrowed a brow.

"Aren't you fifteen?" Craig asked, and Cartman shook his head.

"No, I had my birthday back in July, and I'm sixteen. In case you're wondering,  _yes,_  life is pretty fucking sweet. I fucking love driving, it must suck to walk everywhere. So I guess I'll take pity on you guys, if you can handle my wheels." Cartman began walking towards his car, which was a pretty lame black PT Cruiser. Craig guessed that Cartman thought that it was cool to be able to drive in general. The car did have some flames on it, which did add to the overall coolness factor, but that did not change the fact that PT Cruisers were PT Cruisers.

"Shotgun!" Clyde shouted as Cartman unlocked the car and got into the driver's seat. Craig helped Jimmy get into the backseat of the car, and the two sat next to each other as Clyde rode shotgun.

"Hope you guy's don't mind, but we're going to be listening to my Hilary Duff CD." Cartman stated, as the car turned on the sound of Hilary Duff's "Why Not?" blasted through the car, at high volume, and Craig could hear Clyde say something about how he "fucking loved Hilary Duff's music career".

_"Why not..._

_Take a crazy chance_

_Why not.._

_Do a crazy dance..."_

_'This is going to be a long car ride','_ Craig thought.

* * *

Tweek closed up the shop early, as there were not many customers and Tweek didn't really see the point in staying open. He had a craving for something sweet, and somehow he ended up sitting in the bench outside the coffee shop, scrolling through IHOP's menu. He didn't even want pancakes. He was scrolling through their desserts section, in the mood for just about anything else but pancakes. Then, he saw it...

Cheesecake Stuffed French Toast combo... oh my. He knew right then there he had to have it.

He figured he would walk there, IHOP wasn't that far and he figured he should burn calories even if he was going to gain them all back (and then some). On his way to IHOP, he saw her, that girl who had been spreading rumors about his family's coffee shop throughout the school. Millie Larsen. In fact, she bumped into him.

"Sorry," she apologized, having the audacity (the  _audacity!)_  to apologize for something so little as bumping into Tweek. Tweek didn't care about that. In fact, Tweek wasn't even that mad. It was no big deal, but he still had to talk to her about it, it wasn't just something that she could get away with. The 'spreading rumors about Tweak Bros. meth laced coffee', not bumping into him, to clarify.

"Hey, Millie. Great timing." It was not. A cheesecake stuffed french toast combo at IHOP was waiting for him, but no time like the now, or something.

"Oh, fuck." She covered her mouth, "what's up?"

"Listen, I-I don't... I don't appreciate you spreading rumors about my family's coffee shop. For your information, we don't lace our coffee with meth!" Tweek twitched, and let out a sigh. "Look, it's not big deal to me, it's just the school, and most people know  _you've_  said it, and you've got  _your_  reputation... b-but if other people start actually thinking that, then my parents will kill me!"

"Um..." Millie was about to speak, and Tweek continued going.

"And you know, it's not good for business! My dad's always saying 'things aren't good for business', and this is one of them. I hear some kids back at our school are going to Denver to get Harbucks after school. DENVER! There's a perfectly fine coffee shop right in this little town, and they go to Denver of all places! It was hard enough when there was a Harbucks next door, and I'm just... It's scary, you know? Dad's always telling me I'm going to inherit the business, but what if I don't want to? That is WAY too much pressure!"

"...are you OK?" Millie was hesistant to ask, but did so anyways.

Tweek let out heavy breathes, and realized he just vented to _Millie Larsen,_ of all people. She was probably going to tell everybody what a freak he was.

"You know what? Forget it! I shouldn't have said anything! GAH!" Tweek ran off into IHOP, and Millie raised a brow, and bit her lip.

"Um... OK, see ya?" Millie scratched the back of her head. "God, this town..."

Tweek dashed inside IHOP, and it was pretty fucking crowded. There were people everywhere. Tweek decided that he was just going to order his combo to go and leave, maybe go home and binge watch all two seasons of Lizzie McGuire because he was in the mood for some classic reminiscing.

"Tweek!" He heard Red's voice call over to him, and his head snapped in her direction. He recognized the cheerleaders were there (and Esther and Red, who were not cheerleaders), along with Chris Donnely, Gary, and Jason (three boys who were on the football team).

"Tweek, oh my gosh, get over here!" Annie waved over to him, and suddenly, everyone was looking at Tweek, waving.

"Come on, dude!" Jason smiled, and Tweek, who was feeling pressured walked over to them and grunted.

"Uh, h-hey guys!" Tweek greeted nervously, and Bebe patted the seat next to her.

"Come on, you can sit with us! The waiter actually just served us though..." Bebe appeared deep in thought, she snapped her fingers. "WAITER! Waiter, excuse me,  _waiter,"_ Bebe caught the attention of a nearby waiter who was walking past them.

"...Yes?" The waiter asked, clicking her pen and holding onto to her notepad.

"Can you take an order for a friend of mine?" Bebe motioned towards Tweek, who nervously sat down next to Bebe.

"Of course, what would you like?" The waiter asked Tweek, who shook nervously.

"Uhm... Cheesecake Stuffed French Toast combo..." Tweek twiddled with his fingers, "please."

"Of course, I'll get your order ready," The waiter wrote it down and walked off, and Bebe smiled.

"Omigosh, I forgot to get you a menu. Luckily you knew just what you wanted, huh Tweek." Bebe patted Tweek on the back, and Tweek gave her a small smile.

"Haha, yeah..."

"You guys are not going to believe this, but I heard that Beth and Tammy Nelson are going out." Esther brought up, and all the girls' at the table gasped, minus Wendy, who was looking down at her pumpkin spice pancakes.

"Oh my god, no way!" Heidi gasped, and Esther nodded.

"It's true, I saw them kiss in the hallways." Esther stared at Red, who rolled her eyes.

"Did I NOT call it?" Red smirked triumphantly. Suddenly, Gary's phone vibrated, and he looked out the window.

"That's my ride you guys," Gary smiled, and hopped down and the other football guys' followed suit.

"You mean your mom?" Heidi teased, and Gary rolled his eyes.

"Come on babe, you love my mom." Gary grinned, and Heidi got out from her side of the booth, and hugged him.

"Love you more," Heidi kissed Gary on the nose, and the two grinned at each other. After Heidi had dated Cartman in the fourth grade, she left the dating scene for a long while, until Gary moved back to South Park in grade seven and the two became great friends, and it wasn't until freshman year that the two started dating.

"Whoa guys, tone down the P.D.A, alright?" Esther laughed, but she was happy for her friend's healthy relationship.

"Alright, well, I gotta leave. Come on Chris, Jason." Gary, Chris, and Jason left, and Tweek could only assume that the two were getting a ride home from Gary's parent's. Heidi slipped back in the booth, as she watched Gary leave, a smitten look on her face.

* * *

"This isn't the direction of IHOP." Craig groaned, the sound of Hilary Duff's "Beat of My Heart" currently blasted throughout the car.

"Yeah, I know." Cartman spoke, "I just have to take a small detour. I promised Scott Malkinson that I'd take him to IHOP after the game. His parents wouldn't let him go to the game, because as you guys may know, he has diabetes."

Craig sighed. "I am 100% positive that is not the reason his parents didn't let him go to the game."

"Pfft, whatever Craig, you fucking bitch, swear to god, I freaking hate you." Cartman rolled his eyes, and Craig wanted to die. The car stopped in front of Scott Malkinson's house. Cartman brought out his phone, and began texting Scott, and then proceeded to tap his fingers against the steering wheel impatiently. Pretty soon, Scott ran over to the car, and joined Craig and Jimmy in the back, having Craig be the monkey in the middle. Well that fucking sucked. Everyone knew that the middle was the worst spot to sit in the car.

"Alright, now we can-"

"No more detours." Craig stated, and Cartman turned to glare at Craig.

"Craig, I swear to fucking god, anymore comments and I will turn this car around and we'll get Denny's instead."

Nobody said anything, and was too scared to say anything, except maybe Craig who could honestly care less. But everyone knew that IHOP was superior to Denny's in every way possible.

"Alright then. Kewl." Cartman started driving into the direction of IHOP for reals this time.

_'Maybe,'_  Craig thought,  _'maybe I'll take a chance and have some pancakes. Or maybe some waffles, or better yet, french toast'_. After all,  _why not?_ Right?

Then, the car stopped, just as Hilary Duff's "Beat Of My Heart" was fading out, the car turned off, and everyone was beginning to get out of the car.

Finally. God damn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways, i hope you guys liked this chapter and had a great holiday. you guys are awesome  
> also i love hilary duff's music career too but like... why not take a chance why not do a crazy dance??? like??? some of her lyrics are kind of jsut... i thinkt hey're just funny that's what they are. i don't know. i like hilary duff. but anyways tell me what y'all think of this chapter of this story!!!!! bye


	18. International House Of Drama (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAOOOOOOOOOO i haven't touched this story since last year sorry guys XD  
> also if you guys' have forgotten cause this chapter starts off with butters and mysterion talking, which they were in chapter 15. also this chapter is a two parter and a bunch of stuff is going to happen

"Wait, what the fuck?" Mysterion cleared his throat, shaking his head. "Stan and Kyle are dating?"

"WELL, uh, I mean, Stan likes Kyle now, but they weren't actually dating before, but everyone thought that Stan cheated on Wendy with Kyle." Butters scratched the back of his head.

"Why would people... and did you say Stan and Kyle... switched bodies?" Mysterion furrowed his brows, and Butters nodded once more.

"Yeah, they did do that. I'm not sure how though. The only other person who knows is Craig."

"Craig?" Mysterion was surprised, as it didn't really seem like Craig to get into Stan and Kyle's business. But who knows, maybe Craig has changed since Mysterion's last seen him. It  _has_  almost been a year since the incident.

"Yeah, Craig. I think it was a matter of being at the wrong place at the wrong time..." Butters thought for a moment, thinking of the stoic boy.

"Well, are they still in each other's bodies?"

Butters jumped, "oh, Stan and Kyle? You know, it was the strangest thing. They had acted like the whole situation didn't happen. But it did! Stan and Kyle were freaking out about it, and I had wanted to help them, but I had no leads."

"Where's Craig right now?" Mysterion asked.

"Craig?" Butters thought for a moment, "I don't know? The football game is probably over right now, so maybe he's at his house?"

"Well, he needs to be here. If he's really as involved as you say he is, we need him to analyze the situation."

"Well, gee, I don't know... he kind of told me he didn't want to be involved." Butters knitted his knuckles together anxiously.

"Butters, he doesn't have a choice. He's involved whether he likes it or not. And, besides... what would Professor Chaos do?" Mysterion grinned, and Butters gasped at the other boy.

"You're really going to team up with the dark side, eh, Mysterion?"

Mysterion chuckled, "you and I know it wouldn't be the first time." Mysterion caressed Butters's cheek, who smiled maniacally at the other boy. Man, the bromance between Professor Chaos and Mysterion was strong you guys.

"Alright, then." Butters smiled, then hopped off his bed, going over to his closet, "I'm going to get changed into my costume. No peeking!" Butters slammed the closet door shut, and for some reason Mysterion found himself humming Diana Ross's _'I'm Coming Out',_  even mumbling a few parts to himself, the song now stuck in his head.

* * *

"Oh my god, you won't believe what happened. Daniel Tanner asked me to winter formal." Esther faked a gag, and all the girls, minus Wendy, giggled.

"You obviously said no, right?" Heidi asked, and Esther nodded eagerly.

"Obviously!" Esther laughed, and Tweek tapped his fingers impatiently, and Red stared at Tweek for a moment, but before Red could speak, Phyllis who was sitting in between Annie and Wendy stood up uncomfortably from the booth.

"I need to go," Phyllis bit her lip, and Tweek narrowed his eyes, staring at her. She looked incredibly familiar, "um, to the bathroom, to... powder my nose!"

"Oh, uh, okay, sorry." Wendy got up from out of the booth, and Heidi did too, and Phyllis thanked them and walked over towards the bathroom. Esther watched her go curiously as Wendy and Heidi got back in the booth.

"Powder her nose? What? Do people do that?" Esther asked, furrowing her brow.

Bebe shrugged, "probably a French thing."

Tweek stared at her, confused, "French?"

Bebe nodded, "yeah, French. You know Phyllis, don't you? She's an exchange student from France."

"She didn't sound French..." Tweek mumbled quietly, but no one heard him, or thought to comment on the fact.

"Wendy, are you OK?" Red asked, "you've hardly touched your pancakes."

"Yeah, I'm good, Red, it's just..." Wendy sighed, "I'm a bit tired is all."

Tweek knew Wendy wasn't feeling alright, but didn't want to say anything in front of everybody else. Maybe he would confront her later. Then, the doors to IHOP opened, and Tweek wasn't really paying attention, but a group of people sat down next to their booth.

"Guys, wait the fuck up, shit." No... it couldn't be. It couldn't be. Tweek was trying to avoid him, it couldn't actually be...

Fuck, Tweek made the grave mistake of turning around to look who it was, and while he didn't see his face, the boy did sit down and his blue chullo hat with the yellow poofball stuck out, and Tweek began silently freaking out.

"Tweek, what's the matter?" Wendy asked, and Craig must've heard her, because he stood up.

"Wendy?  _Tweek?"_  Craig gasped, and before any of them could react, a waitress came by.

"Your cheesecake stuffed french toast combo, sir." The waitress smiled, and Tweek sat it down, mumbling a quiet 'thank you'. Only now, Tweek wasn't hungry.

The waitress then walked over to Craig's booth, "Sorry about the wait, here are your menus. I'll come back to take your order." She placed down five menus for everyone sitting down.

"Oh, uh, thanks." Craig said, not completely paying attention, but staring at Tweek inconspicuously. Then, it happened. All the girls got up from the booth, bringing their purses with them, and Bebe grabbed onto Tweek's arm, and led him to the girls' bathroom.

"Argh! What are you doing!" Tweek groaned, and Bebe shushed him. Even if he wasn't that hungry as he was, he still wanted to eat his cheesecake stuffed french toast combo.

"Its okay, you're with us." Bebe winked, and they closed the bathroom door behind them.

"Oh my god, what was THAT?" Lola asked, and Jenny nodded.

"Yeah, Tweek, you need to get your mans." Jenny agreed.

"M-my...w-what?" Tweek asked, confused, too many things were happening all at once. Bebe 'tsked-tsked', and unbuttoned the bottom of Tweek's shirt, and then re-buttoned Tweek's shirt so that it was buttoned correctly. In the background, Esther was admiring herself in the bathroom mirror, and applying makeup, while Red and Annie were giggling quietly to themselves. Wendy had a small smile on her face, which was quickly replaced with a frown.

"Wait a second, wasn't Phyllis powdering her nose in here? Where is she?" Wendy asked, and it was true. Phyllis was nowhere to be found.

Annie clasped her hands together, "oh, I'll call her!" The girls turned to look at her.

"You have Phyllis's number? I don't have Phyllis's number." Bebe frowned.

Annie shrugged, "she gave it to me for a school project." Annie began dialing the French girl's number, and heard a dial tone, and then when Phyllis answered there was a bunch of static noise, and heard the muffled sound of someone with a high-pitched voice speaking, and the sound of fire crackling.

The high-pitched voice spoke, in some weird, language, "ingBray emay ackbay omesay ancakespay, easeplay."

"Haha, OK." It sounded like Phyllis, but Annie wasn't so sure.

"Ah, oh shit, sorry! Wrong number!" Annie jumped, and dropped her phone to the floor, hanging up.

"Who was that? Are you OK, sweetheart?" Red held onto Annie's hand, and Annie nodded slowly.

"I'm fine, but... what was that noise? And my phone!" Annie crouched down, and picked up her phone. "Aw, it got a small crack..." Annie sniffed.

"Girl, what was that noise though? Did you think maybe Phyllis butt-dialed you or something?" Lola asked, and Jenny shook her head.

"I don't think that's possible. I mean, Phyllis is kinda flat." Jenny said, then covered her mouth in feign shock.

"Phyllis's ass isn't flat, it's reasonably firm!" Bebe defended Phyllis, and shook her head. "Anyways, that's beside the point, we were going to talk about Tweek's  _boyfriend,_  but then  _Phyllis-"_

At the mention of the name Phyllis, the girl in question opened the door to the bathroom, and she huffed, as if she had ran over here. "Terribly sorry, my parents' called and they wanted me home... but I convinced them to let me stay for a while longer."

Esther turned to stare at Phyllis, "did you run to your  _house?"_

Red nodded, "you could've just called them."

"Haha, oh, but you see, that's not how we did it in France." Phylis giggled suspiciously, and Tweek turned to stare at her, while Esther sighed, shaking her head, muttering "I love French people."

"Have you been to South Park before? I... I don't know, I feel like I've seen you around before. You look familiar." Tweek stated, and Phyllis shook her head.

"Maybe around the hallways, perhaps?" Phyllis searched through her purse, looking for something, then stopped "anyways, what's got you girls' in the bathroom? Is there a meeting going on?"

"It's Tweek. Boy troubles." Bebe grinned, and Phyllis perked up.

"Oh, him and that Craig boy?" Phyllis asked, and Tweek gasped.

"How did you know?" Tweek asked, and Phyllis smiled sheepishly.

"I... I have P.E. with him. He talks about you a lot, with Clyde."

"Oh my gosh, Phyllis has got the tea!" Esther grinned, "spill it."

Phyllis raised a brow, "tea? I love tea."

"Again, I love French people." Esther sighed, shaking her head. Wendy laughed, and Esther played with Wendy's hair, and began braiding it into a fishtail braid.

"Anyways, just give us the deets!" Esther beamed, and Wendy laughed.

"The details. What kind of stuff does Craig say about Tweek?" Wendy cleared up the confusion, and Phyllis smiled.

"Ah, well..."

Meanwhile back at Craig's booth, Craig was staring at the girls' bathroom door.

"Waiting for your boyfriend to come out? HA! Come out, man, I am so funny. You better watch out, Jimmy." Cartman laughed at his own joke, while Jimmy stared at Cartman, but said nothing.

"This isn't right. It pains me to watch two of my best bros fight." Clyde sighs, and Craig stares at Clyde.

"What do you mean." Craig asks.

"Look, IHOP. is one of my favorite restaurants, besides Taco Bell and Raisins of course. It is a place where everyone is treated like family, where everyday is pancake day, and well, if  _everyday_  is  _pancake day,_  then god. damn! It should be good. Tweek came here to have a good time, pretty sure you did too, but now that he sees you here, he's uncomfortable and trying to avoid you. I'm pretty sure that would be different if you two talk it out and set aside your differences. Look, I only saw a glimpse of what you and Tweek had, b-but... b-but..."

"Y-y'know, I think Clyde's onto something," Jimmy agreed, "I-I mean, you two were so happy for the s-short time you w-were together."

"You're absolutely right." Craig sighs.

"Wow, Craig really likes Tweek. It's kinda beautiful." Scott smiled, and Cartman sighed.

"Shut up, Scott. Nobody cares what you think." Cartman stated, "Craig, what are you going to do about your fag boyfriend?"

Craig stared at him, glaring, "my what boyfriend?"

"Oh, you know, your fag boyfriend. It's cool, I can say it, cause I'm a fag just like you guys. Except Jimmy, straight as a board." Jimmy didn't comment, and Clyde scrunched up his nose.

"Oh, don't look at me like that Clyde. You were talking about Neil Patrick Harris in the bathroom stall with Craig at skewl, I don't care that you're gay dude. I heard you, I was there, and I don't care. I was taking a shit in the next stall over."

"I thought it smelled in there..." Clyde thought for a moment.

"Since when did me and Clyde talk about Neil Patrick Harris in the bathroom stalls?" Craig asked angrily, and Clyde jumped.

"Craig, I'm hurt!" Clyde clutched his heart, "I poured my heart and soul into the speech. I made sure not to say anything that could be misconstrued! And you've  _already_  forgotten...?"

"W-what the hell is going on." Jimmy asked, and Scott shrugged.

"Yeah, what the hell is going on. Nobody's making any sense, and..." Craig pressed a hand against his forehead. "Whatever. I need to talk to Tweek."

Clyde grinned, "so you agree with me."

"Shut up." Craig flipped Clyde off, "you still need to talk to Token."

"But I don't know what to say to Token! I just want to go back to being BFFL'S. I don't like like him!" Clyde sobbed.

"Lmao, miss me with that relationship drama shit. I'm just lucky that I have an awesome boyfriend and am in a healthy relationship." Cartman bragged.

Jimmy stared at Cartman. "D-did you just say Lmao in real life?"

"I don't have time for this shit." Craig sighed, getting up, "I'm going in."

"N-no... Craig that's the girl's bathroom." Jimmy warned.

"Tweek went in there. I should be fine." Craig stared at the direction of the girls' bathroom door. That Phyllis girl or whatever ran into the bathroom, but other than that nothing else happened.

"B-but it's different. Y-you don't have a girl to go in with you. To, y'know, b-back you u-up."

The more Craig thought about it, the more of a bad idea it sounded. "He'll come out. Eventually. And when he does, I'll talk to him."

"That was my joke, Craig." Cartman stated.

"Shut the fuck up, Cartman." Craig crossed his arms, sitting back down next to Jimmy and rubbed his temples. He needed some goddamn pancakes.

"Have you guys decided what you want to order?" A waitress walked by, and Craig stared down at the menu for a quick second.

"A create-a-face pancake." Craig ordered, even though the waitress gave him a look as he did.

"I'll have that as w-well." Jimmy added.

"Me too!" Clyde smiled.

"Just some hash browns, please." Scott ordered.

Cartman rolled his eyes, "well I'll take the cupcake pancakes."

"Alright, coming right up!" The waitress smiled, grabbing their menus, and walked off. Craig tapped his foot impatiently, as he stared at the girls' bathroom and got up.

"You know what? No, I can't do this. I need to talk to him. I'm going." Craig got up, and began to storm off towards the direction of the girls' bathroom.

"I wish you luck!" Scott called out.

"I have no say in the matter." Craig sighed, and Scott mumbled something, but Craig honestly didn't care to hear. He opened the girls' bathroom, and there was a crowd of gasps.

"Craig?" Tweek gasped, and all the girls' Craig recognized from his school were there.

"Wow, hey Craig." Red greeted.

"We need to talk." Craig stared at Tweek. All the girls gasped, and there was a chorus of murmurs, as they all began to whisper among each other, and Tweek stared at Craig incredulously.

"...OK."


	19. International House Of Drama (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> omigosh!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey SQUAD it's been a while. it's ya girl goodplay back at it again with yet ANOTHER chapter. what will happen? who will get hurt? what the fuck is up with craig and tweek? where is GREGORY!!! just kidding about that last part, he probably doesn't appear. i hope u enjoy the chapter, i made it with my tears

Craig had a general idea of what he wanted to say to Tweek. He just wasn't sure how he'd say it. The two boys walked out of the girls' bathroom, and they went outside, a cold breeze welcomed them. The bell chimed as they went out, and Craig could vividly see himself talking to Tweek, them walking into Taco Bell... He wasn't sure why the vision came to him, or what it meant, but Craig chose to ignore it. Tweek looked to be thinking hard about something, but snapped out of his thoughts, and stared at Craig with a neutral expression.

Craig and Tweek's cheeks were red from the cold, and Craig tried to recollect his thoughts. Now that Tweek was staring at him with a half-lidded gaze outside of IHOP, Craig's mind was drawing a blank.

Craig bit his lip, trying to maintain eye contact with Tweek, but was feeling a bit nervous "Uh..."

"What is it?" Tweek spat, which surprised Craig, who raised his brows, "look, Craig. I'm having really fun tonight, hanging out with my girls, and I don't want to get hurt by you anymore."

Craig was taken aback. Whoa. The last time Craig saw Tweek he was Sonata Arctica's "Shy", and now all the sudden he was Demi Lovato's "Confident". This was sudden.

Tweek wasn't sure what came over him either, but he realized that he's spent far too long moping over Craig, when he should just... have fun. Tweek might've been a bit awkward tonight, but he was really enjoying himself.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore!" Craig blurted out, and he rubbed the back of his neck, "I never wanted to hurt you. I've been acting so stupid-"

"Yeah." Tweek interrupted, furrowing his brows.

"Please, can I finish?" Craig snapped, and Tweek rolled his eyes, but nodded.

"I've been acting so stupid, and I was a fool to push you away." Craig sighed, "I should've never broken up with you. I shouldn't have asked you to forget what happened, especially when I could never forget myself."

Tweek stared at Craig, his mouth hung agape, and then he bit his lip. He looked as if he was trying to recall something, "w-what?"

Craig stared at Tweek curiously, "look, what I said was-"

"No!" Tweek shook his head furiously, "I-I heard what you said, but... I-" Tweek stopped himself. What was he saying? Tweek could've sworn he heard Craig say this before. But there's no way he has, that would be...

The bell to the IHOP door chimed, and Phyllis peeped out, "Tweek? Are you alright?" Phyllis stepped out, into full view. Craig stared at her incredulously, her blonde bob seemed so familiar... and that piercing blue gaze—

Then, Craig has a vision.

_He and Tweek are inside... some metal room. There is a man who's dying in the corner, or is already dead — Craig can't tell. He says almost the same words he's said to Tweek just now, the building shakes, it gets a little blurry... then all the sudden, the two of them are walking down a dwindling hallway._

Craig shook his head, fuck, did his head hurt. It felt like for those few seconds, he was completely ripped out of reality. Craig tries to compose himself, and takes deep breathes. He turns to look at Phyllis, and narrows his eyes.

"You're Phyllis, right? The transfer student?" Craig asks, and Phyllis jumps a bit upon being addressed, but nods slowly.

"I do believe I am, yes." Phyllis replied, nodding as she did so. She appeared shaky and uncertain.

"Where did you transfer from?" Craig continues to question the girl, who pulls at her collar.

"France, I uh, lived in Paris." Phyllis answered, and takes a step back.

This answer doesn't stir well with Craig, "you don't sound French to me."

"Craig! Did you come out here to talk to me, or interrogate my friend?" Tweek glares at Craig, but he appears a bit shaken too. Phyllis frowned apologetically,

"Ah, I think I'll be making my way back in now..." Phyllis frowned, closing the door behind her, the bell chimed once more.

"Ow, FUCK." Craig rubbed his temples, and Tweek looked at Craig with great concern.

"W-what? What?" Tweek asked, and Craig raised a brow.

"I-it's nothing, it's just... uh..." Craig rubbed the back of his head. How was he supposed to explain to Tweek, that...

"Do you see them too?" Tweek asked, and Craig's eyes widened.

"The visions, do you see them? I-I think..." Tweek looks up at the top of the door, "whenever a bell rings. That's... that's when I see them. I don't know what they mean, but-"

Tweek stopped mid-sentenced. "Nevermind, forget it."

"No." Craig puts a hand on Tweek's shoulder before he can think about it, "I... I want to hear it. Everything. I think I know exactly what you're talking about."

Tweek stares at Craig with wide eyes, and takes a deep breath. "Okay, Craig."

* * *

"OH MY GOD." Cartman stated, as he looked at his phone. Clyde and Jimmy jumped at Cartmen's booming voice, while Scott existed.

"W-what's going on, E-Eric?" Jimmy asked, giving the boy a worried look.

"YOU GUYS! I'm SERIOUS!  _Look!_ " Cartman showed off his phone, and on the screen there was an ad for a new Taco Bell menu item called 'Nacho Fries'.

"Wow, they sure look good. I wish I could try some Nacho Fries." Scott lamented.

"Such is the life of a diabetic." Cartman sighed, as he pulled his phone back in his direction to stare at his screen. "They're made with Mexican seasonings, and you dip them in cheese sauce. Oh my god, you guys."

"W-wow. That s-sure is a-amazing." Jimmy commented.

Meanwhile, Clyde's mouth was watering at the thought of Nacho Fries. Oh my god, that  _did_  sound amazing. It was a little sad to see the stackers go, but Clyde was always eager to try Taco Bell's new menu items. If only Craig were here to hear the joyous news. For Clyde this was all a little too much, he was beginning to feel emotional.

As if this moment couldn't get any better, the waitress came back, holding three plates of create-a-face Pancakes, and a plate of hash browns for Scott. "I'll be back with your other Pancake- there WAS another one, correct?"

"Yes, it's for our friend Craig. He went to the bathroom a while ago." Clyde stated, and the waitress nodded, as she left to go fetch the remaining pancake.

"Actually, I saw Craig walk out the bathroom with Tweek. They stepped outside, and I think they're talking right now." Scott said.

Clyde's eyes widened, "WHAT!?" Clyde gasped, as he sat up from his seat to look towards the window, and sure enough Craig and Tweek were talking. They looked to be in a heart-to-heart discussion, and it was especially heartwarming when Craig wrapped his arms around Tweek, who looked to be crying. Clyde felt like crying a little himself. Could this day get any more beautiful?

The waitress came back with Craig's pancake, as Clyde plopped back down in his seat. "They made up." Clyde grinned, and Jimmy looked at Clyde with shock, but then Jimmy smiled too.

"Pfft, finally." Cartman commented as he continued eating his create-a-face pancake, already almost done with it.

"W-wow, thank g-god. I thought they'd n-never make u-up." Jimmy's smile lit up the room, as his smiles were known to do. "S-still, I wonder why they fought in the f-first place."

Clyde shrugged, "Craig's a complicated man." Clyde stared out the window, a melancholic look on his face.

"God Clyde, you are so fucking gay." Cartman let out a burp, and wiped his face with his napkin.

Clyde glared at Cartman, "hey. I'm not gay. I have a girlfriend!" Clyde defended himself, and Jimmy appeared to be deep in thought.

"Whatever happened with y-you and Token? D-did you talk?" Jimmy asked, and Clyde bit his lip. He could swear he felt his stomach churn nervously.

"I, uh..." Clyde rubbed the back of his head, as he thought of all the messages Token's left him, and how he chose to stupidly ignore them. Still, he did remember that he promised Craig that he'd talk to him if he talked to Tweek. Looking back, he wasn't sure if he believed Craig would actually TALK to Tweek – not that he didn't want him to, he wanted nothing more than the two to make up. Clyde was weirdly invested in Craig and Tweek's relationship.

"I'll... I'll talk to him soon." Clyde cleared his throat awkwardly, and he stared down at the floor. "I really do miss him." Clyde sighed, and it was true. Token was one of his bros! They used to text like everyday! It was safe to say that Clyde was experiencing withdrawals.

"Anyways, guys, I'm afraid I'll be taking my leave." Cartman got up from his seat, slipping out of the booth, and Scott narrowed his eyes at Cartman. Scott felt like he was forgetting something, but he doesn't remember what...

"Oh, b-bye Eric." Jimmy said, and Cartman waved a hand in the air carelessly.

"Yeah, yeah."

* * *

Craig's fingers were tangled in Tweek's messy hair, he seriously needed to brush his hair, but that wasn't important right now. What was important to Craig was comforting Tweek, who had broken down in tears because he was just so confused.

"I was really scared, Craig. I thought I was..." Tweek bit the bottom of his lip, "everyone thinks I'm crazy."

"Shh," Craig comforted, "you're not. If you're crazy, I'm crazy too. And Stripe is a hamster." Craig lets go of Tweek, and stares him right in the eyes, "hey, look, I still have no idea what is up with bells and all these visions, but we're going to get through this together."

The bell chimed as Annie opened the door to check up on Craig and Tweek, and Craig has another vision...

_It was the same hallway from before. The two of them - Tweek and Craig, were walking through the hallway, and a picture sticks out like a sore thumb. It appeared to be Satan, another kid was by him... an oddly familiar kid. He was dressed up in a cute little sailor suit._

"Tweek?" Annie blinked, "Craig? Are you two alright? I don't mean to snoop, but I was just checking up on you-"

"We're fine, Annie." Tweek assured with a small smile, "I think I'm ready to come back in now."

Craig shrugged, as Annie and Tweek walked back inside, and he followed closely behind. He noticed all the girls were out of the bathroom, and were scrambling back to their booth to grab their purses.

"Oh my gosh!" Scott shouts, and Craig walks over back to his table, and Tweek goes back with the girls.

"What?" Craig asks monotonously, and Clyde waves at him, while Jimmy smiles.

"Cartman left, and we just realized he drove us here. Now we're Home Alone 2: Lost in IHOP." Clyde frowns.

"Are you fucking serious?" Craig sighs, "and Clyde, I seriously wonder why we're friends sometimes."

"Excuse me, boys?" The boys (minus Tweek) turned around, and saw it was none other than Esther Stoley. "I couldn't help but overhear that you needed a ride."

"That would be great, thanks!" Scott smiled.

"But w-wait a minute, C-Craig here hasn't eaten his p-pancakes yet." Jimmy points out. Oh yeah, Craig totally forgot about it.

"It's okay, we totally forgot to eat our food because we were so busy talking. Excuse me, waiter?" Bebe gets one of the waiters' attention.

The waiter looks at her, a bit annoyed, but answers with false enthusiasm, "yes?"

"Can we get, uh..." Bebe counts her friends, and adds up all the numbers, "nine to-go boxes?"

"Sure, coming right up." He sighs, as he walks back into the kitchen to fetch the to go boxes for her.

"Some of you can go in Heidi's car, and some in mine." Esther offers, "it'll be a little cramped on both sides."

"My boyfriend bought my my car!" Heidi smiles warmly.

"Wait a minute girls, where's Phyllis?" Wendy asks, and everyone looked around the IHOP.

"That _French_  girl? Don't know." Craig shrugged, but he could honestly care less. He didn't like her for whatever reason, Craig was being unreasonably petty.

"I think I saw her walking home. I hope we didn't do anything to upset her!" Heidi frowns, worried for her friend.

"I'm sure she was just feeling sick, she's probably not used to American food." Lola pats Heidi's back.

The waiter comes back with the to-go boxes, and the girls (plus Craig) begin packing their food, to save for later. Esther begins walking outside, and Craig starts walking with Clyde and Jimmy to Bebe's car, but then Red grabs his hand and walks him over to Esther's car.

"What are you doing?" Craig glares at her, and Red rolls her eyes.

"What? Am I not allowed to want to sit with my cousin?" Red asks, "besides, Tweek is coming with us! And we're also getting shakes."

"Didn't we just eat?" Craig asks, and Red pokes Craig's stomach.

"You didn't." Red points out, and it's true; Craig didn't get the chance to eat his create-a-face pancake. Plus, he decided a milkshake didn't sound too bad right now.

"OK, fine, whatever." Craig shrugs, and he gets into the car, where Tweek is sitting by the window, looking out.

His head snaps in Craig's direction, "oh! Hey Craig."

Craig smiles, "Hey."

Red snickers as she watches the two, and Craig flips her off. Annie rides shotgun, while Scott and Wendy squish themselves into the backseat. Craig, Tweek, Red, Scott, Wendy, and Annie were all in Esther's car, while Clyde, Jimmy Jenny, Lola and Bebe were all in Heidi's. Everyone was cramped into the car like a bunch of Mexicans. Craig was sitting on Tweek's lap, while Red was pushed uncomfortably against them, and Scott was dying on the floor, and Wendy was pushed against the side of the car door.

"I'm dying," Scott let out, and Esther gigled.

"Sit tight, ladies and gents!" Esther exclaimed, as she turned on her car, Britney Spears's song 'My Prerogative' played at full blast.

_They say I'm crazy_   
_I really don't care_   
_That's my prerogative_   
_They say I'm nasty_   
_But I don't give a damn_   
_Getting boys is how I live_   
_Some ask me questions_   
_Why am I so real?_   
_But they don't understand me_   
_I really don't know the deal about my sister_   
_Trying hard to make it right_   
_Not long ago_   
_Before I won this fight_

Craig sighed, and let out a groan. The song was great of course, but he was just so uncomfortable in squeezed into this car. He felt a pair of arms wrap around him, and Craig looked at Tweek through his peripherals.

"Tweek?" Craig asked, and Tweek smiled nervously.

"Sorry, I can stop if you want-"

"No!" Craig spoke too suddenly, "it's okay. I, uh, like it."

"Whoa guys, no PDA in the car." Red grinned teasingly, and Craig would flip her off, but it would've been too hard in the position he was in. Red's comment caused Esther to laugh out loud, and she began to snort. Esther drove off into the sunset, and began driving towards Sonic so she could buy them all shakes, then drop all her friends' off at their respective houses.

* * *

A black PT Cruiser with flames came to a harsh halt, its' tires screeching. It parked in a dark alleyway. It was cold, and Cartman stepped out of the car, wearing a tuxedo for some reason, and he carried a fancy suitcase.

"I told them about the fries." Cartman spoke, "you can come come out now, Phyllis. Or should I say...  _Pip."_ Cartman spoke the name with disgust, they were enemies, or at least, Cartman didn't like him because he was a total loser. But Pip offered him a deal that he couldn't refuse.

"Right-o." Pip stepped out from the shadows, wearing his old everyday outfit. It was tough, pretending to be a girl, but it was even worse pretending to be  _French._ Pip hated French people.

"Enough with the games Pip! Are you going to fulfill my end of the bargain, or not?" Cartman asks angrily, he better have not been tricked.

Pip rubs his temples, and lets out a long sigh. "I believe it's on it's way, you wouldn't believe how hard it is to fill an entire pool with nacho cheese sauce."

"And I'm sure you're not forgetting... something  _else?_ " Cartman raised a brow.

"Tch," Pip threw a Taco 12-pack towards Cartman, who caught it, and began to scarf down the tacos like an absolute madman. Pip watched with mild-amusement, and then began to burst into a fit of giggles.

_Everything was going according to plan._

Everybody was always talking all this stuff about Pip, and now they would finally get what was coming to them.

This, was Pip's Prerogative.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN  
> tell me what you think and stuff, also uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk if there's any mistakes if there is TELL me


End file.
